A child friendly funeral? Ideas for ways children can contribute to a funeral or wake?

[curlycaz]

Does anyone have any experience or ideas about how children can be involved in a funeral or wake?

Our dear friend has died. His children who are under 4 are going to attend the funeral and most of his friends have small children who will come. My children who are 7 and 9 would like to "do something" but I don't know what to suggest. I've seen that some people let off balloons or Chinese lanterns at the end of the day.

All ideas would be welcome.

[Tuppenyrice]

I'm so sorry about your friend. And I'm so sorry for those children left behind. You must be feeling terrible and then having to worry about handling children at the funeral too.
I'm not sure this will help but when my Dad died my son was 4 at the time and we decided to leave him out of the funeral but bring him to the wake. We didn't make a big deal of him but wanted him there for the "party for grandad."
More recently at my FIL's funeral we brought all 3 kids (10,6,4) and included them in the ceremony by allowing them to come up to the front and light a candle for their grandpa.
The service was hard for them and they all cried a lot. And loudly. But it was fine. I know that sounds weird. But it was.
We had a further service a while later in a different area of the country that was special to his family and during the service my son sang a solo (he's a chorister) and then afterwards we processed outside for the interment of the ashes, my daughter sang a little song she had learned in school, that was somehow so fitting it was meant to be. We stood in a circle and passed a special stone around and if you felt like it you could say a few words, or a prayer to yourself, or just kiss the stone. Whatever you felt comfortable doing. The kids really loved this part as they felt included and treasured.
Keep it simple, have someone guide them up to where they need to stand if you decided to have them take part, perhaps a bidding prayer written by them? Eg Thank you for the time when we.... A little memory.
Of course losing a grandparent is not as tough so I don't know if these suggestions are useful to you. But I hope it all goes well and God Bless xxx

[Heels99]

Sorry for your loss. Have you checked with the bereaved family that they want other people to 'do something' in the service and that there would be time? could your children do something for a charity that the person who has sadly died supported? I am not sure that doing something at the service would be appropriate unless invited to do so.

[3across2down]

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this, my thoughts are with you. I don't know if this would be suitable but when my Mum died, the vicar asked my children to draw pictures of her. One drew a picture of her on a rainbow knitting. The other drew her doing somersaults over the rainbow, as she was now no longer in pain and could jump around again. The vicar then showed the pictures during the service and included my children's memories of her. It was a very emotional service but full of love and fond memories.

[Theas18]

Sorry you are going through this.

Great grandma died when dd2 was 9. Her " role" was to wear a nice dress and be herself - say hello to people and chat / hand round plates of food. She was a great focus for people to feel they could smile / laugh with. Especially good whilst the adults in the family went to the crem after the church service.

Tbh probably the best thing your kids can do is just be their lovely selves - theyll probably end up playing footy or tiddlywinks with the smaller kids allowing the adults to chat and not worry that the kids are not being entertained etc. I don't know about doing anything else like balloons without pre agreeing it.