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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

Words of Support Needed

24 replies

Frizbe · 21/10/2006 21:33

Hi all

I've disposed of my Halloween name for this thread as this is a serious matter.

My cousin's ds has passed away today, aged 7wks and 1 day.
He has fought for his life from day one, after a traumatic 41 hour labour for both him and my cousin, an attempted forcep delivery, that ended in c-section, for my cousin and her dp to find out that he had Hydrocephalus and that a possible cause of this could be Toxoplasmosis, which is not tested for in this country. Again no idea how this could have happened, as my cousin had covered all the usual avenues we all cover when pregnant A postmortem is being carried out, as like I said it is not conclusive as to how he died.
What I am hoping for from starting this thread, is words of wisdom from those of you who have been through anything like this, to guide my cousin and her dp through this darkest of times, if you would be so kind.

OP posts:

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7up · 21/10/2006 21:34

im so sorry havent been through a bereavement but my thoughts are with you and your cousins family

foundintranslation · 21/10/2006 21:37

I have not been through anything like this, but I am very, very sorry.

support for parents bereaved by neonatal death

mustcackleorsuckbloodmore · 21/10/2006 21:51

Oh Frizbe, I'm so sorry But have no wise words at all. Having not been through this, it'd prob do more harm than good to try and say somethng helpful

CastsSpellsWitchySpells · 21/10/2006 21:57

Oh Frizbe . So sad for your family. I don't think it will matter too much what is said, it's more the fact that you say something, rather than avoiding them, as I suspect friends can often be inclined to do. Is your cousin religious at all? I'm sure she will find great comfort from her beliefs if so.

Struggling to suggest anything specific though, sorry.

Yorkiegirl · 21/10/2006 22:00

Message withdrawn

Lio · 21/10/2006 22:03

This is so sad. My guess is that nobody knows what to say or do for the best, but you will know your cousin well enough to know whether she wants you to visit/phone or if she wants to be left alone. She has been through so much, but over the following weeks and months I'm sure she will appreciate the occasional reminder that you're there for her when she needs you. You don't have to know what to do, and maybe just listening or sitting with her is what she will need sometimes.

ScreamandYellowFeathers · 21/10/2006 22:04

So sorry Frizbe.

lulumama · 21/10/2006 22:06

haven't experienced this...i guess be there for them.....listen.. dry their tears...just be there....they will probably want to relive everything... so lots of listening and support.....and practical help i'm sure would be appreciated,

be guided by them,,their needs and requests.....just be there...especially after the initial influx of help has gone.....

MortuaryAnyone · 21/10/2006 22:08

PanicPants · 21/10/2006 22:10

How sad for all your family

MoreTeaAnyone · 21/10/2006 22:10

Oh shit, I'm sorry. Should changed my name. If I upset you then I'm very, very sorry.

Flamebat · 21/10/2006 22:24

Oh no.

I have no words, just many many tears.

I am thinking of you all.

threelittlepumpkins · 21/10/2006 22:33

Oh Frizbe how awful

Agree with Yorkiegirl- just be there for her, talk about her ds, take her poems, keepsakes or anything that makes you think of her and her ds. The SANDS book is good, I have a copy and donated a copy to my hospital in my ds1's memory. You might want to order it for her, or suggest it. It's in Sands Shop, first one under books and publications, green cover.
Take your lead from her, and if you can help with day to day tasks, she will appreciate it.

So sorry your family is going through this

3k · 21/10/2006 22:50

Oh Frizbe , I'm so sorry for your cousin and your family. My thoughts are with you all. It's so unfair, 7 weeks is no age.

izzybiz · 21/10/2006 22:53

So sorry for you and especially your cousin and Dp/Dh?
Like others have said all you can do is be there, just be a comforting ear if they need it, remember their Ds, talk about him with them, dont be afraid to mention him,

So sorry again.

Frizombie · 21/10/2006 23:02

found in translation and threelittlepumpkins, thanks for the links, they'll be of great help I'm sure.
Moreteaanyone, don't worry I know you didn't mean anything by it.

jasnDISMemBERED · 21/10/2006 23:46

So sorry, Friz...no useful advice either.

ChildrenOftheCornMeadow · 22/10/2006 00:25

oh Friz - Im so sorry - no words just thinking of you and your family

laundrylover · 22/10/2006 10:58

Friz, I'm so sorry that it had to end this way. Your family has been through so much these last two months. Hugs to you and your cousin and her DH. I have no experience of this but I imagine that this is the start of a very long and slow road for the two of them. I know that you were not all that close before but hopefully everyone will pull together and offer support.

SoupDragon · 22/10/2006 12:24

Nothing profound to say just my utmost sympathy

ellenrose · 22/10/2006 17:30

Oh Frizbe, I am so sorry. I wish I had something useful to offer but I know how hard this has been for you and your family through your postings over the past couple of months and I know you will be there for your cousin. I am thinking of you all

Astrophe · 22/10/2006 21:26

so sorry Friz. I'm praying lots for your cousin and all your family - that you will all have peace and comfort.

I don't know what your beliefs are, but I know that God has the little one safe in His arms right now, He really does.

xxx

damewashalot · 23/10/2006 09:12

Oh friz only just seen this, I'm so sorry.

Chloe55stakesinavampiresheart · 24/10/2006 14:13

Frizbe - haven't been on all weekend so I have just seen this. I am so sorry for all your family, how devastating after all the ups and downs the lo has been through. He really did fight for his life, what a shame it was too much for his little body to cope with. My thoughts are with you and your cousin/dp

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