I needed to vent somewhere and I can't in RL. I have to be all positive and smiley and inside I feel like I'm going to explode.
My mum was diagnosed in May with small cell lung cancer that has spread and there is nothing they can do. I am angry at her, so angry and it's not getting better the more time goes on the more I feel myself pulling away from her, preparing myself that she won't be here for long.
When I used to beg her to give up when I was young her and dad would smoke away in the car without even opening a window, it was horrid and I stank of smoke for years until I moved out, she would always tell me to "shut, stop going on, you've gotta die of something" but now it's happening she won't even entertain any other conversation unless it's about how she is feeling, her treatment, her appointments, symptoms etc.
My sister got a promotion the other day and when we all met up for breakfast I had got her a congratulations card and was asking her all about it my mum wouldn't even the acknowledge ethe conversation with eye contact, did not say one word for about 30minutes. But as soon as I asked her about what appointment she has coming up then she has loads to say! I want to scream at her "We get it mum you have cancer, it's all we have talked about for 6 months, you're dying, you got it from smoking, something you would never even entertain giving up, this is your fault, now you are going to leave me with my one year old and not be around, have you asked how we are doing, do you even bloody care??!
Has anyone actually felt angry and annoyed at someone with cancer? Or am I the most horrible person in the world?
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Mums dying of lung cancer and I'm so angry at her.
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Millie3030 · 21/10/2014 14:18
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