I think I'm ready to grieve. But I'm worried people expect me to be strong now

[Firstpregnancy2014]

I'm 21 and 33 weeks pregnant
12 weeks ago my grandma (my dad's mum not my mums mum) unexpectedly passed away after a large bang to the head, this happened on the Monday evening. I sat with her for 6 hours holding her hand while she slowly slipped away . It was exactly a week after my 21st birthday and 4 days before my graduation.
The next day my mum committed suicide. My best friend. My rock throughout this pregnancy. I feel empty

I have spent the last 12 weeks throwing myself into anything and everything. Work is hectic , supporting my father who lost his mum and his wife within 24 hours, preparing for a baby, I organised the funerals and generally haven't stopped for 12 weeks.

Today I broke down in tears. I finally feel like I'm ready for people to look after me, I'm finally ready to talk about it and to not move from under the duvet for a few days. I miss her so much. Everyday she's missing more and more and my grandma too.
I'm worried people expect me to be strong now.. But I really don't want to be anymore

[Willitberaaaaspberry]

Get yourself under that duvet for a while, look after yourself and let yourself begin to grieve.

Have you got anyone to help you get back out from under the duvet after a few days though?

This is the time you need to look after yourself, your mind is telling you this by allowing you to cry. These tears will slowly help you begin to heal. It is a long hard road though so please be kind to yourself and know that there is no right or wrong way, just your way.

Keep posting on here, there are some amazing ladies with brilliant advice and I'm sure that there will be more replies soon.

[MrsMinton]

Then don't be anymore. You've done an amazing job for everyone so far and now you need to deal with your feelings.

[Guitargirl]

Nobody is going to expect you to keep going like you have with everything you have experienced.

You have done amazingly to deal with all the practicalities. Take some time off work and from the world. Hole up and take care of yourself.

Do what you need to do to help yourself and your dad. Do you have any siblings?

[sunnyrosegarden]

Sending you very unmumsnetty hugs - you absolutely have to grieve.

I think there is always a point when you realise that you can only hold it together for so long, and the grieving has to hit you. In fact, my GP and bereavement counsellor both explained to me that it actually a physical/chemical thing, where hormones start to wear off, and the reality hits you.

Do you have people you can lean on? Is your Midwife aware? Your GP can refer you to counselling, which can be a good thing if you need someone to off load to.

In any event you must remember that the breaking down is part of the healing process, and it is the right thing to do.

[Firstpregnancy2014]

Thankyou all for the support
This week has been horrible
My family are bickering about ashes. I can't believe what my life has become. I feel so lost
I don't know if the crying is pregnsnxy related or if it's grief

All I know is how angry I was at my mum when she took her life. I didn't tell anyone this. Now I don't feel any anger towards her and I'm disgusted in myself for ever feeling that. I wish I could have helped her. I wish I did more. She was so amazing to me I don't know how she didn't know. I feel sad when I think about it. I just miss her. I miss texting her when I see something in a magazine I know she'd love. I miss going shopping. I packed my hospital bag tonight without her- clueless.
I just need to find a way to tell people I want help now :(

[BiscuitMillionaire]

Hi OP. I'm sorry you lost your mum and your grandma. I want to gently say, it's OK to cry, it doesn't matter if it's grief or pregnancy, just cry. No-one can be 'strong' forever. Anger is a normal part of grief (especially at a suicide I imagine), don't beat yourself up about that. Of course you need support, anyone would. Is there a friend or partner who you could talk to? Or try a bereavement helpline.

I lost my mother 4 years ago. There's no pain like it.

[BaffledSomeMore]

Oh you poor woman :( Well done for accomplishing so much. Grieving doesn't have rules so go with what you need.
You may well find everyone is worrying that you haven't given in to your grief, that they're waiting for the breakdown and will be wondering if you are ok.

[sunnyrosegarden]

Anger is all part of the grieving process, as is guilt. These are all normal emotions, and it is fine to feel like this.

Have you told your GP or midwife? There is support there if you can ask.

Sadly, squabbles and fights are very common. I always think a bereavement throws everything up in the air, and mixes up relationships. Try to take a step back if you can.

[Firstpregnancy2014]

Firstly Id like to say thanks everyone
The past week hasnt got any better
Im doing so well at being strong infront of people but really struggling when im on my own. I just want to breakdown and cry when im with my friends but i really think everyone thinks that im ok

As my due date gets closer it reminds me everyday that my grandma and my mum arnt here. The women in my family. Im relying on internet forums to help me pack my hospital bag and what i should dress baby in. I need them so much, especially my mum.
This week i have arranged for a plaque in the garden of rememberance at our local church and to bury the ashes.
Still doesnt feel real

[sscott1967]

Firstpregnancy2014 you sound a bit like myself..trying to be there for everyone else when I bet most people would not expect you to be strong after what you've been through.
I lost my dad May 2013 and even though I was grieving I tried to be there for my mum who'd lost her husband of 50yrs.
I was just starting to get better when my DS (20) took his own life last month. Even amidst my grief I was still trying to comfort my mum.
What I'm trying to say is - no one is expecting me/you to be strong because these are exceptional circumstances.
Breaking down and crying is expected and reaching out for help.
Hugs xx

[Dowser]

Cruse can offer you a listening ear too.

[Dowser]

Here's a link to cruse services in you area.

www.cruse.org.uk/cruse-areas-and-branches#North%20East

I used to work for them as a counsellor and you will get the support you need.

It's not one of the big charities but hopefully there's a locall branch in your area.