Headstone advice

(10 Posts)
butterytoastandmarmalade Sat 02-Aug-14 14:28:22

My darling Dad passed away very suddenly in May.

He was buried with my mother, who died sixteen years ago. This is where things get a little complex. My Dad was just wonderful for my childhood and adolescence but, after my Mum died (I was 16) he went into what I now realise was a severe depression and he almost immediately met another woman. His behaviour during those years was odd and I don't judge him for this but at any rate, he wasn't the lovely Dad he had been.

In 2011 he met another woman and he was with her when he died (abroad.) I have no real quarrel with her but I don't know her well (my dad liked to keep his two worlds separate shall we say!) and if I am to be totally honest I feel great sympathy with her but just the same he was married to my Mum for over thirty years and would have stayed married to her if it wasn't for her premature death. He knew his partner for less than three.

So would it be very 'cruel' to get a new headstone with 'our beloved parents' the names and dates and a line about them being reunited? Or would this be acceptable?

I don't want to hurt feelings but I do feel my parents are together, at last.

popperdoodles Sat 02-Aug-14 15:50:56

is he buried with your mum or is he resting elsewhere? Maybe put the beloved parents but not the reunited bit? I can see why you want to do this. what do the rest of the family think?

butterytoastandmarmalade Sat 02-Aug-14 16:44:26

Yes, he is buried with my mum.

There isn't really anyone else - my Dad had one sister (my aunt) but her behaviour has been unpleasant and I'm certainly not going to be taking her wishes into consideration.

Why not reunited? I probably wouldn't use that word anyway but the gist would be the same - that they were together.

popperdoodles Sat 02-Aug-14 18:47:17

in the absence of other family and given is is buried with your mum then what you originally suggested would be fine I think. If his new partner had a problem with it then I'm sure she would have objected to them being buried together. You are next of kind, do what feels right to you. Best wishes

Baddderz Sat 02-Aug-14 18:49:18

Hello op.
I am sorry for your loss.
Perhaps some thing like:

Xxxx and xxxxx
Our beloved parents.
Love never dies

Something like that?

It's a very tough decision. Sorting out my dad's headstone was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

butterytoastandmarmalade Sun 03-Aug-14 12:52:02

Thank you. It is hard, I don't want anybody to feel slighted but at the same time given I'm paying for it I do feel that ultimately they are husband and wife and are together.

I really hope they are. I think they are.

PuddingandPie1 Sun 03-Aug-14 16:37:55

I'm assuming that he didn't marry this other woman, or make any provision for her in his Will? If so then your choice of words is fine. But if he married her or made provision for her then I think you should involve her in any decision. Ask yourself what HE would have wanted.

butterytoastandmarmalade Sun 03-Aug-14 17:25:36

No, he didn't marry her. He was always very firm about not marrying a second time.

I don't honestly know what he would have wanted which I suppose is why I am asking here.

CheeryName Sun 03-Aug-14 17:32:29

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think you need to say 'Reunited' as they will both be named and so it's clear that they are reunited anyway. It's really hard to know what to do for the best sometimes. Remember there is no rush though, it's ok to take your time.

butterytoastandmarmalade Sun 03-Aug-14 18:20:30

I don't think I would want to use the actual word reunited but I do want to say something along those lines. What I don't want is to cause any distress to his partner who will undoubtedly want to visit the grave. Sorry if it sounds rude but people sound like they're giving their views on it when it wasn't really what I was posting for but just wondering about his partner.

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