Anyone else missing their father this Father's Day...

(51 Posts)
commonorgarden Fri 13-Jun-14 12:21:28

I am. He died 24 years ago when I was a child and I still miss him horribly. He was a good man and a lovely dad. He never met my boys or my husband but I talk about him to them so they know the kind of man he was.

I'm ok but just a bit sadder than usual.

Love you dad, wherever you are.

flowers to everyone else in this boat.

X

Trooperslane Fri 13-Jun-14 14:47:52

Me too Gardener.

He died 7 years ago and I miss him terribly.

(My Mum has also just died so things are pretty shit here)

I'm trying to focus on my wee family - DH is having his first Father's Day this weekend and I'm trying to make sure he has a lovely day and light a few candles for my Dad.

Doesn't really get much easier, does it?

cake and flowers for you x

Fukeit Fri 13-Jun-14 17:31:05

Me too,

He died 3 months ago so it's the first one. I thought I was fine, turns out I'm not.

Sorry about your mum trooper

Not DF but DFIL. Wish we were seeing him on Sunday and letting him drive us mad. smile Fathers Day always mixed emotions for DH.

Love to everyone missing their Dads. flowers

Bunbaker Fri 13-Jun-14 17:53:58

Sorry for your losses all.

First anniversaries after someone had died are always hard, but it does get easier. My dad died in 1987 and my mum in 1990. I now look back with nostalgia rather than sadness.

Trooperslane Fri 13-Jun-14 20:54:51

Oh Fukeit.

So sorry x

Let's think of them all on the Guinness and having a party.

Helps me to think Mum and Dad are having a permanent party and spend their time drinking vino and jiving grin

Look after yourselves people xxxx

Sidge Fri 13-Jun-14 20:58:36

Me too. My dad died January 2009. I miss him but the pain is less raw.

I have no-one to send a Father's Day card to, which hurts.

Hugs and thoughts to all of you and an extra one for Troopers and Fukeit xxx

AgadorSpartacus Fri 13-Jun-14 20:59:46

Yes. I am. Very much.

IKnowaMouse Fri 13-Jun-14 21:01:18

Me. I would do anything to be able to send him a card.

Finola1step Fri 13-Jun-14 21:04:55

2nd Father's Day without Dad.

He would have been a very happy chappy though. Arsenal won the FA cup, Arsene Wenger staying as manager and the World Cyo has started.

I do miss seeing him in Arsenal shirt watching the footie in tv with a big mug of tea in his hand.

But Father's Day is now just about my dc and my dh.

1st Father's Day without my granddad sad He died in September and he was my dad, basically, in every way except DNA, treated me like a daughter and loved me with all his heart.

Missing you lots, M, thinking of you every day thanks x

CrumblyMumbly Fri 13-Jun-14 21:13:19

Reading the thread title made me cry and it's 7 years since my lovely Dad died. It kills me that he missed seeing my dd too, they would have loved each other so much. When she is older I will tell her what a great man he was, kind, gentle and very funny. I feel a bit sad for my dp as I go through the motions of celebrating the day for him and dd but find it so painful.

Catswiththumbs Fri 13-Jun-14 21:51:04

Me too. Lost him April 2008 when I was 16. Safe to say I am unrecognisable from then, hopefully in a good way if he's looking down...

unfortunately most people just don't "get" it.

I want to sit and wallow even though it was 6 years ago. I don't want to forget him.

commonorgarden Fri 13-Jun-14 21:52:12

I've been thinking about this thread all day.

We'll have to be good to ourselves this weekend, take some time to breathe deeply, cry a bit, remember some good times...

Lollipop , I'm so sorry to hear about your grandad. sad

I've lit a candle for them all, for us, tonight.

IamMrsJones Fri 13-Jun-14 22:07:05

I am not looking forward to this weekend, my DF just died on Wednesday. Everything feels very strange and empty right now.

commonorgarden Fri 13-Jun-14 22:20:44

Iam I hope you are supported this weekend. Expect nothing; just take things slowly and gently. And come here if you need to.

flowers for you.

Hassled Fri 13-Jun-14 22:25:55

IamMrsJones - I'm so sorry for your loss. Just go very, very easy on yourself - however you're feeling, that's fine.

I've been thinking of my father a lot over the last couple of days and until I read this thread I hadn't actually put 2 and 2 together and worked out why. 11 years here - and yes, with both my parents it's nostalgia more than sadness, but still that sense of loss. I see him so much in my youngest DC - the same eyes, the same expressions.

Wadingthroughsoup Fri 13-Jun-14 22:33:12

I am sorry for the losses you have all experienced sad

It's my first FD without mine. He and my mum both died last year. He was 66, she was 65.

I have bought a FD card (even though my dad always thought it was a 'made-up' day and used to get embarrassed when we gave him cards!) I will write in it for him...not sure what to do with it after that.

On Sunday, I plan to visit the sailing club where he sailed his dinghys for 30 years. I know I will feel a connection to him there.

Much love to you all, wishing you gentle days.

Fukeit Fri 13-Jun-14 22:58:02

wading I'm so sorry what a terrible thing to happen.

I'm trying to ignore it, trips to the cemetery on specific days aren't a comfort to me at the moment. It feels like people expect you to go like you're visiting a sodding patient in hospital.

meerschweinchen Fri 13-Jun-14 23:03:36

Me too. Mine died 2 months ago, and it still doesn't seem real.

I'm so sorry for everyone else's losses too.

wading how awful to lose both parents together. I'm so sorry.

CalmTheFarm Sat 14-Jun-14 09:34:29

Me too, I lost my dad when I was 14, 10 years later it doesn't get any easier.

Knowing that he will never walk me down the aisle or meet my children is hard or I won't be able to get him a fathers day card. Saw DP's dad today so that was nice.

Trooperslane Sat 14-Jun-14 13:24:30

thanksthanksthanksthanksthanks For us all and I'll be lighting some candles tomorrow too.

Be good to yourselves x

mytwoblackandwhitecats Sat 14-Jun-14 13:28:41

I'm so sorry for all of you. Like some of you my loss was recent - just last month.

It hurts, of course it does. What hurts more is knowing this first one is in some ways the easier one. It's as time goes by and he becomes more and more distant from me that I dread.

SecretWitch Sat 14-Jun-14 13:29:22

Hugs to everyone missing a beloved father, FIL, grandfather..

My father died 13 years ago. He was and is the best man I ever knew. I wish I could tell him just one more time that I love him and appreciate everything he ever did for me..

I also wish he could meet his littlest granddaughter, born on his birthday. She is a firecracker. He would have adored her.

Wadingthroughsoup Sat 14-Jun-14 15:05:41

mytwoblack, I really relate to that. At the moment, I want time to stand still, because only a year ago, my dad was still ok- I had no knowledge of the horrors to come. But soon, it will be a year since his diagnosis, and then a year since he went into the hospice, and then a year since he died. And I don't want to go on into the future without him. As time goes on, he becomes less real. He becomes two-dimensional like he is in photographs.

Fukeit If the cemetery is no comfort to you, then don't go there- sod what others may think. We are all different, and there are many ways and times to feel a connection to a lost loved one- cemeteries are not that place, for many people.

Thank you meerschweinchen and Fukeit. They both died of cancer. Mum had 9 months between diagnosis and death, dad had 5 weeks. His diagnosis, deterioration and death happened in the middle of mum's illness; so she was actually bereaved while she herself was dying. They died 10 weeks apart. Such an appalling thing to happen, and I still haven't got my head round it at all. The ridiculous thing is that, prior to their illnesses, they were the healthiest pensioners you could care to meet. They looked after themselves, had good diets, didn't smoke, didn't drink much, were active and sporty. Life is mystifying in the way it deals out these blows.

Thinking of you all here. thanks Grief sucks.

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