Any ways I can help?

(3 Posts)
curiousgeorgie Thu 22-May-14 12:17:15

It feels ridiculous to even think that I could, but our dear friends lost their six month old son this week. It's so devastating and unfair.

I'm looking after their older son while they make arrangements, but feel next to useless.

They were here talking about ideas for the funeral, and wondering if they can take their 3 year old, and if we should take ours. Talking about readings and a painted coffin and I honestly don't know how to respond or what I can do.

I can't believe this has happened.

It's my DD's 1st birthday party in a couple of weeks too, and loads of our friends in common were coming, should I cancel? How can anyone celebrate anything when something so tragic has happened.

YeGodsAndLittleFishes Thu 22-May-14 12:31:09

Well people deal with death in very different ways. If they are thinking of a painted coffin (which sounds wonderful, I've not thought of anything like that before, not heard of it) they might be open to the children being at the funeral, perhaps each laying a flower somewhere as an act of remembrance, wearing a particular colour, or singing a song they all know. When a friend's little boy died, everyone contributed photos they had of him and thy were framed up , one or two enlarged and they were put around the reception hall. The community all cooked amazing dishes and there was a banquet of a buffet. Older children read out poems or an adult read out things some of the children had said in memory, or about death and so on.
Maybe you could research ways children can be included and make a list of things they might like to have, and coordinate help from other parents, friends and relatives.

I'd go ahead with the birthday party as that is about that child and it is so important to continue celebrating them and their lives and time together.

Mojito100 Thu 22-May-14 14:55:08

When my DD passed my boys released butterflies at the funeral. They now have such a special place in my heart. This might be an idea.

A very close friend's father passed away some years ago in a tragic aeroplane accident. She was numb at the time as her mum was in a critical condition in hospital with horrendous burns. Someone decided to video her dad's funeral and it is now a treasured memory. She doesn't watch it often but every now and then pulls it out for a good cry. This isn't everyone's cup of tea but there are times when I want to sit and just cry my heart out and remember my beautiful DD and wish I had a video of her service. It may he difficult to broach but worth having one done. They always have the choice not to watch it but at some stage in the future they just may want to hear what others said. It is such a blur on the day and all you can do is just hold yourself together.

Other than that your support at the moment is wonderful and just what threy need.

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