Almost 8 months on...

(3 Posts)

I can't believe it, but today, almost 8 months after my granddad, my rock, my dad in every way barring DNA, passed away, and I've taken a big step.

I saw a leaflet for a local bereavement counselling service, and took one. Then later, I was at a work programme meeting, and when we'd finished, I asked if there was a quiet room where I could use a phone.

They set me up in one, and I called the number on the leaflet. I spoke to a lovely lady, and I'm now on their waiting list.

I can't believe I've done it.

I've been feeling for a while that I never truly grieved, or finished grieving, but I didn't want to go through my GP (I live at home with my gran, mum and uncle and didn't want to worry them by making a GP appointment, or stress them out by saying I was struggling).

It hit me, when the lady on the phone said, "So, right now, how're you coping?" and I gave an answer that basically translated to, "I'm not."

And I'm really not. I'm struggling, but putting on a brave face for the world.

Because it's been 8 months, and I think the world will think I should be OK now. And I'm not.

I'm not OK.

And now, I'm not entirely sure what's going to happen when I get my appointment through. But, at least I'm on the list, and having made that call, I do feel a bit better.

fusspot66 Thu 15-May-14 19:58:36

Well done!

I just don't understand. I don't understand why, for months I've been feeling "OK-ish" but the last month or two, it's just got worse.

I thought time healed, time just seems to be making things more painful, for me. Maybe it was because I was thrown back into a job I hated two days post-bereavement, and then had to use my own holiday time for his funeral. I mentioned leaving my job to the lady on the phone, and she said, "Oh, that's another loss then, really."

I never thought of it like that, before.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now