My Mum died, I'm not grieving properly

(5 Posts)
OatcakeCravings Mon 14-Apr-14 20:32:05

My Mum died 12 days ago. I cried my heart out on the day she died and also on the day of her funeral. But apart from that I've not cried or really processed it I don't think. There are tears at the back of my eyes (if you know what I mean) all the time but I am managing to hold them in. I don't like to appear vulnerable and I'm staying in my home town with my Dad and DS (school hols) until the weekend when I will return home (300 miles away). My DH expects me to be fine when I get home and work are expecting me back on Monday (I will have had 3 weeks signed off), but I feel when I get home I will finally be able to let go and grieve properly in my own surroundings .

I'm not sure really why I've posted to be honest. I just don't feel I've had enough time off from everything. Do you think the Doctor will sign me off longer or should I just get in with things. I'm also not sure how to explain to my DH how I feel.

ChoudeBruxelles Mon 14-Apr-14 20:38:22

There's no right or wrong way to grieve. And it takes time to remember that the person is actually gone. My mum died 18 months ago and I still cry a lot.

Has your hd ever lost anyone close? I think it's sometimes hard to appreciate how overwhelming grief can be unless you've been there.

If you need more time off go to your gp. You won't win any medals for going back when you're not ready.

There is no particular way to grieve, we are all different. My mum died almost four years ago - she lived a couple of hours away from me, I went up to see her the day she died (she died half an hour after I got there - I was holding her hand) which was a Monday and I stayed there with my dad till the Friday so we could get arrangements etc made and then I went home and was back to work on the Monday.

For me that was the right thing to do as I didn't want to be sitting at home thinking too much - I needed to be busy busy busy.

However, if you feel you need more time then try and take it. Maybe go into work for a morning and see how you feel. If you can cope then fine, you may find it actually helps you, but if you feel yourself slipping then you know you need a bit longer.

So sorry for your loss thanks

cottonwoolmum Thu 17-Apr-14 11:32:14

So sorry about your mum.

How you grieve depends on how you are as a person. There's no right or wrong way, as long as you don't feel like you have to bottle anything up for other people. If you need more time, take it. Far better to admit that now than try and pretend you're fine as that could lead to depression or stress symptoms later.

Trooperslane Thu 24-Apr-14 09:53:03

There's no rule book.

Take as much or as little time as you need.

Sorry op x

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