Dealing with a greedy sibling

(17 Posts)
Gatecrasher61 Sun 13-Apr-14 18:11:42

My Mum died a few weeks ago. She had lived alone for a few years since my Dad died.

However, my eldest sister, who didn't visit often as she did live a couple of hours away has basically ransacked my Mum's house.

We knew this would probably happen - as did my Mum and Dad as they made sure that I was lead executor on the will. My Mum had also given me some items before she died so they didn't get napped by the greedy one. My other sibling, who never says a bad word about anyone, has been pretty disgusted with the behaviour of our sister.

I guess this is pretty common in families after a bereavement and I would like to know how I can deal with it without saying something I might regret later or end up being ostracised from the family.

Fretzel Sun 13-Apr-14 22:49:46

Oh this is so common. Its happens so often. Sad for you.

Gatecrasher61 Mon 14-Apr-14 18:05:29

I guess this is the way of my sister grieving. She is trying to get something back. I just wish I didn't feel so annoyed by it.

Anyone got any experiences they would like to share. I just get the feeling that this is not going to end well.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope Mon 14-Apr-14 18:29:35

It's not just immediate siblings. My mums nephew came over sharpish looking for jewellery. I was 12. Never forgot it.

I had a parka on. I'd preloaded with the few bits that were sentimental like her charm bracelet. He ran off with her other bits. He was 25. Very upset to find out they were paste! smile

People can be very unpleasant at this time. All I can say is protect that of hers which you cared about. Leave her the rest. Best if you can let her think she got in first.

I still have the bracelet. One day will be dds. I treasure it.

throckenholt Mon 14-Apr-14 18:34:20

As long as what she has taken is not valuable I would tend to ignore it. She has already done the damage - confronting her isn't going to improve family dynamics.

If it is valuable however, then as executor it is your duty to retrieve it and include it in the settling of the will.

And make sure you and your other sibling get some mementos that are of value to you each.

StrawberryCheese Mon 14-Apr-14 18:38:29

This happened in our family when my nan passed away. DM's adopted brother had been bleeding my nan dry for years and after her death took almost everything my nan owned, even going as far to discuss the itinerary of furniture at the funeral. DM never has anything to do with her brother so family life carried on as normal but his partner did phone months later claiming that my nan owed her money and would my mum pay her instead. It was only £50.
I agree with sunny, let your greedy sister have what she seems to think she deserves, as long as you have sentimental items and things that your mum wanted you to have.

OurMiracle1106 Mon 14-Apr-14 18:45:45

My sister some how managed to get my mum to change her will less than two weeks before she died so she inherited all of the house (worth 175,00 approx) minus funeral costs.

To me it doesnt matter it's Money. What angered me was that for four days she didn't tell me mum had passed and lied about the funeral date so I thought it had already been. It hadnt and I did manage to go

ssd Mon 14-Apr-14 22:16:24

ourmiracle, thats awful!! do you speak to her now?

sooperdooper Mon 14-Apr-14 22:20:26

So sorry for your loss, greed can make people do awful things

My uncles wife got my great uncle to sign cheques to her a week before he died, he didn't really know what he was doing sad

OurMiracle1106 Mon 14-Apr-14 23:26:57

I don't speak to my biological sister now. I want nothing more to do with her.

expatinscotland Mon 14-Apr-14 23:29:51

Change the,locks.

eggeggduck Mon 14-Apr-14 23:30:19

Talk to your other sister, generally, and see if she brings it up.

ssd Wed 16-Apr-14 20:57:10

I don't blame you shock

Grokette Wed 07-May-14 11:26:05

Yep, my sister did this. My mum had a very extensive jewellry collection, and my pathological bitch of a sister ransacked the lot, making sure to take the most expensive stuff. She also took mum's car the week after mum died and wrote it off while driving high. In fact I could go on for days about all the shit she did and still is doing. The stupid cow is surprised and confused as to why I don't speak to her.

I just stepped right back and let it happen, for one because I'm not very assertive, and for two because to me maintaining a sense of dignity and grace is a bit important. Which means me and my daughters have lost out sad

I hope you find a way to fix it for yourself Gatecrasher thanks

SoFishy Wed 07-May-14 11:35:52

There has been a will situation in DP's family recently. I have been gobsmacked by the graspingness of one individual and the cunning schemes she has attempted to try to get more of the estate diverted to her. It just beggars belief, especially as this person is already rich! Her actions have resulted in others losing out on what the deceased wanted them to have, to a degree, but they have let it slide out of not wanting it all to descend into an unseemly row.

It is amazing what some people turn into. But as some other have said on this thread I think the most dignified response is to let them grub around in their grubby way and rise above.

Gatecrasher61 Tue 27-May-14 17:00:00

Thanks for the replies. It seems that a greedy sibling is quite common.

Today I agreed a sale on my Mum's bungalow. The greedy bitch's husband had a go because I agreed to leave the knackered fridge/freezer in the price and not make them pay extra. I can see at some point I will be telling him to get his f*$%ing nose out. The greedy sister is also worried that completion might be when she is on holiday.

ssd Wed 28-May-14 20:12:06

Oh yes, greedy sisters, I could write you a book there

I keep well back from mine now

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