It's like she never existed

(3 Posts)
Chippednailvarnish Wed 26-Mar-14 18:51:20

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this...
As a young teen I was very close to my uncle and his wife and their DC's. When I was in my 20's there was a massive family arguememt and my uncle ended up taking sides against my Mum.
I stayed out of it, spoke to everyone and didn't consider myself involved. I invited my Uncle and Aunt to my family events and didn't consider there to be a problem between us. I found out recently that my aunt passed away awhile ago and only certain members of my family were told.

I can find no mention of her anywhere, announcement of her death, no obitutary, no Facebook comments (my family are FB mad), I have contacted the council to find her grave and it turns out she was cremated so there's no "final" place I can visit.

I'm in pieces, I can't help but feel that she died thinking I didn't care about her or that she didn't actually care about me. I feel her children are avoiding me as they think I don't know and I'm not willing to push them for fear of upsetting them. It's like people are pretending she never existed.

yegodsandlittlefishes Wed 26-Mar-14 18:57:31

Sorry chipped that sounds hard, and as though you have started the grieving process at a later date than the rest of the family and so on your own with it. They really should have let yiu know about the funeral if they knew how to get hold of you.
I would send her children a group facebook private message saying (kindly and gently) that you would like to get back in touch, that you have recently found out that your aunt <name> has passed on and would it be alright if they could share a bit about what she meant to them. It might help them too.

Mojito100 Thu 27-Mar-14 10:37:29

I think acknowledging their loss and letting them know how much she meant to you may open the door.

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