I don't understand it.....

(5 Posts)
MrsC1969HJ Sat 22-Mar-14 10:30:24

I am not sure if I am posting in the right place and I have a separate thread about my marriage breakdown, but I would be interested to hear from others who have been in this situation or have been similarly bereaved as I am really struggling to get my head round it. My husband left me last October for a woman who had lost her husband only 6 months previously in an RTA, so a sudden tragic death following what I believe to have been a happy marriage of some 10 years standing. He moved in with her immediately despite claiming they had been in touch for only 3 weeks (we had known her on and off for around 12 years but my husband said he'd not had any contact with her for 8 of those years) so less than 7 months after her husband died. She has a little boy who I think is around 7 years old. I simply can't understand how you could possibly "move on" at such speed, especially given my husband has left us lock, stock and barrel, giving up EVERYTHING except the clothes on his back for this "new life". I can't understand a mother who would do that to her child, it just astonishes me. They have blamed me entirely for their affair, ongoing relationship and everything else, it was apparently not their doing, only mine. She even used her dead husband and little boy to try and cover up the relationship in the beginning but now insist that everybody is "happy" for them. Really? My Mum died after a 40 year marriage to my Dad, indeed men are a different breed and my Dad did "date" quite quickly but it was clear that it was only because he didn't want to attend social events on his own and the dates were many and varied, not actual relationships. It was 5 years before he felt anywhere near ready for something more and he did indeed re-marry with everybody's blessing. I can understand that, I just don't understand this! My H and I have a 3 year old son, they are desperate to involve him in their lives and play "happy families", I am not prepared to do that just yet, especially under these circumstances. I would be interested to hear others opinions on this. Again, if anybody feels I have posted in the wrong place, please do say especially as this is a bereavement section. Thank you :-)

Mojito100 Sat 22-Mar-14 11:05:49

I don't feel you have posted in the wrong place as it sounds like you are trying to understand the loss of a loved one. I can't speak for your ex's partner as grief is so individual and even though the emotions and cycle are similar for us all we all process things so differently because of the individuals we are. It does sound like she has moved on very quickly however she may need the comfort of another to help her get through, or just be an individual that can't be without a relationship.

I'm guessing there is a rocky road ahead for all concerned as she goes through the various stages of grief. She may hide from these for awhile but unfortunately you can't avoid them. You sound like you have your sons interests at heart so keep him as your priority as he will potentially be impacted quite a lot especially with the emotional ups and downs that will come.

Keep us posted on how things go.

MrsC1969HJ Sat 22-Mar-14 11:34:11

Thank you Mojito100..I do wish she had found comfort in somebody single rather than destroying another family..but there you go. This is what I mean, you go through that, an horrific tragedy, you see your child lose his Dad, yet you then go on to screw up four other people's lives in the process. I understand people are not always thinking straight when they are grieving, I've seen it with my own eyes, but this is something else! I worry about how rocky the road is, my husband is unstable at best and he has nothing, no family, no friends, nobody, all have disowned him because of his behaviour so he is clinging onto this clearly very damaged woman, driving round in her late husband's car, living in her house and is left with nothing. He even told me she is going to start paying my maintenance as he has no money, how desperate are they both? It's frightening, especially with a bereaved child involved. The potential for impact on my DS is huge. He is currently undergoing assessment for autistic spectrum disorder so is a sensitive little soul as it is. It really does worry me :-(.

Mojito100 Sat 22-Mar-14 13:49:20

Take care of yourself and your DS. Thinking if you.

MrsC1969HJ Sat 22-Mar-14 16:56:26

Mojito100 Thank you, I will.

Does anybody else have any thoughts on this?

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