Mum has been given a couple of weeks

(7 Posts)
dunkedbiscuits Wed 26-Feb-14 01:49:46

Bastard cancer has shut down her bowel so she can't absorb any nutrients. We don't know how long she will last.
I keep getting so angry with people.
My DH is due to go away for a week on holiday this Saturday with a group of friends. Mum and dad have ordered him to go. I want him to go too as he's been looking forward to it for months. He can get back in 12hrs if necessary. I am worried about people judging him for going as I think people would expect him to stay to support me.

SecretWitch Wed 26-Feb-14 01:57:02

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum sad I would say not to bother with other people's opinions of your situation. You and your family know what is best. I'm sending you hugs and hoping the next weeks will be gentle on your family..xx

Mojito100 Wed 26-Feb-14 10:17:20

So sorry to hear about your mum. Do what is right for you and if you are ok with DH going on his holiday then that is all you need to know. Enjoy every moment you can with your mum. Consider writing down anecdotes and the memories she has of you growing up before she passes as in time these previous memories will keep her close to you. Obviously feel free to write down the memories you and others have of her too as you will appreciate this later.

Mojito100 Wed 26-Feb-14 10:21:31

On another note a close friends father passed away in a tragic accident years ago and she said someone had decided to video the funeral. He was a much loved man taken way too soon and she has always said in her times of need since his passing she likes to watch the video and hear the memories of him from others. She was in shock at the funeral so it went by in a blur. I appreciate this isn't for everyone but I wish I had that from my DDs funeral as there are times I need that cathartic release of great sobbing tears and I'm sure it would help. I hope you don't find this insensitive as it isn't meant to be. Just for your consideration at this terribly tough time.

Anyone whose opinion is worth anything will talk to you, and not pre-judge the situation. Those who judge your DH without knowing the facts are idiots, and their opinions are worthless.

If you mention him going away, you can explain it exactly as you have here - Mum is keen on him going, and he'll come straight back if things change, but you want him to carry on. That's a choice you have all thought about and made. He'll be there for you if/when it happens, and while you grieve.

Don't worry about being angry - at people, at yourself, even at your mum, it's a normal part of grief and you are starting to go through it even though she is still here for a while. Your emotions are going to be all over the place, just recognise and accept them.

Thinking of you.

dunkedbiscuits Wed 26-Feb-14 14:04:51

Thanks for the replies.
Mojito - don't worry I don't find it insensitive. Thanks for your suggestions.
I saw mum this morning and helped her get washed and changed her nightie. So at least I feel a bit useful.
My friend is coming to stay next week while my DH is away so if I have to dash away in the night there is someone to stay with my DS.
We are taking DS to see her tomorrow then after nursery telling him. Not a conversation we are looking forward to but I'm doing lots of research so we can do it right.

dunkedbiscuits Wed 26-Feb-14 14:08:10

Oh and mum is very pleased that DH is going on holiday. Her attitude is very much 'life goes on' and told me today that everyone is an adult so why are they so upset hmm

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