To feel like a murderer

(77 Posts)
TheWorstPain Thu 20-Feb-14 16:19:00

I have never known pain like this
I feel like my life is over

My child was stillborn recently and I feel like I killed her. So many things I didn't do 'right' in pregnancy through ignorance or being too blasé about it all. We don't know why she died yet.

The main thing that's worrying me is that I had a few rare steaks and medium burgers. One just before she died. I've now read about toxiplasmosis and how it can cause stillbirth and I just had no idea. I thought the worst you could get with undercooked meat was a nasty bout of vomiting. I didn't realise there were direct risks to my unborn child. And I consider myself educated and well read up on pregnancy. How could I be so stupid.

I also didnt know there was a listeria risk from pre packaged sandwiches, bagged salad and cold meat. I do now.

I've convinced myself that it was one of these things that killed her, in the absence of any other solid findings. She was just healthy and fine one minute, and dead the next.

If I find out it was something I did, I really don't know how I can go on feeling like a baby-killer.

My heart is breaking. I feel like the unluckiest person in the world.

fromparistoberlin Wed 26-Feb-14 21:55:40

oh my poor darling

stillbirth is a tragedy, but to then read you are blaming yourself...

I am so sorry, and you are NOT a murderer

RIP xxx

Wishyouwould Wed 26-Feb-14 22:00:58

Oh OP my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter flowers

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