can anything 'material' help through bereavement?

(9 Posts)
wishinwaitinhopin Wed 29-Jan-14 10:52:38

My cousin has lost her mother in law / her husband's mother. My partner and I are close to both of them although we didn't know their Mother / mother in law. We really want to do something to help but ive no idea what. I have no idea what to say or what to do. They are both having an awfully tough time. We don't live close.
I know it sounds silly as maybe nothing material can help... But is there anything we can send them that would help in any way at all? I am going to make a donation to cancer trust ... Is there anything else we can do? Did anyone give you something after a loss that helped in.anyway ?

I gave my friends a basket with a big box of tissues, some nice bath/relaxing lavender stuff, a CD of music they liked, a scented candle, some really good chocolate, some wine and a poem about loss.
You could adapt this to lighter stuff that you could post? They said they really liked it. If not how about just texting or phoning with a wee "how are you?" or a virtual hug?

wishinwaitinhopin Thu 30-Jan-14 07:15:17

Those are great ideas. I've text lots and been in contact a lot since it happened but haven't seen them and just felt like we should make some sort of guesture. So thanks for the ideas x

Mojito100 Fri 31-Jan-14 14:35:46

Even sending a card to say you are thinking if them at random times can help. Life moves on for those around them and to just know they are in your thoughts is incredibly beautiful. Having someone recognise the significance if the loss at times after the first month or so is incredibly moving and deeply appreciated.

ssd Tue 04-Feb-14 17:59:10

flowers are always lovely x

ameliasmama89 Thu 06-Feb-14 02:54:10

When my Dad died, I was given a pretty fabric covered (condolence) book that his friends who couldn't make it to the funeral wrote their favourite memories in. It really set the tone of his wake (as in a focus to celebrate his life) , and the rest of the guest then joined in and wrote their memories too. The little ones draw pictures. I've kept it in a special box with random nicknacks that I collect when clearing out Dads things. My Dad suffered for many years with his health problems so it's nice to look back and see that he had so many happy times despite his problems.

imip Thu 06-Feb-14 05:37:06

When I lost my daughter, my cousins overseas sent me a basket of herbal tea. It meant the world to me, even though I don't fancy herbal tea, because it showed they were thinking of me.

Remembering their anniversary, sending cards as mentioned above.

Making some dinners for the freezer.

Make cake or something if their is a wake?

Parsnipcake Thu 06-Feb-14 06:51:30

My DH bought me a pandora charm that was 2 halves of a butterfly, I wear one and put the other on my mum's grave. But otherwise, I found cards a real comfort, and just basic sympathy and warmth. A lot of people avoid you when you are going through bereavement, it's nice when someone makes some effort to listen.

notnowImreading Thu 06-Feb-14 06:56:53

Sometimes, people like to retreat from the world to somewhere safer. Reading can give that option, as can TV. Better anaesthetics than getting pissed all the time. How about sending some undemanding books or DVD box sets? Following my split from my husband (not the same thing, I do realise) I found great relief in watching back to back episodes of ER and reading Georgette Heyer novels, which helped to shut my brain off.

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