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Bereavement

Stillbirth

42 replies

Greenyellow · 21/01/2014 22:54

My little girl has just died, six weeks short of her due date. Her heart stopped beating and I had to be induced. We don't have any real answers yet.

With every minute that passes, I love her more and more, and yet she isn't with me, and never will be.

We left her in the hospital mortuary earlier today, after a blissful and painful 24 hours together. I'm home now and supposed to be caring for my toddler, but I just feel numb. I don't know how I will get through this. I long for the life I had just a few days ago, pregnant, excited and happy. Everything has changed in such a short space of time.

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justaweeone · 21/01/2014 22:59

I am so sorry xx

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GinSoakedMisery · 21/01/2014 22:59

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

Do you want to tell me her name?

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Slippersandacuppa · 21/01/2014 23:00

Oh Greenyellow I am so sorry, so sad to hear that. I can't think of anything to say and I'm sure nothing could help but I want you to know I'm listening. We are here whenever you need us. Do you have people around you? Be kind to yourself. I really am so sorry.

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GinSoakedMisery · 21/01/2014 23:02

Sorry, that should read "would you like" rather than "do you want".

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SecretWitch · 21/01/2014 23:03

I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words to bring comfort to you and your family. Please know you can always come here if you need any comfort or support. Sending hugs to you..xx

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gamerchick · 21/01/2014 23:04

I'm so so sorry :(

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ThistleLickerIsGoingToBeAMummy · 21/01/2014 23:05

Sorry for your loss, I know these
Words sound easy but take great comfort that you had some blissful time with your beautiful girl!

Did your special little lady have a name? She will always be your
Special girl!

Look after yourself Thanks

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permaquandry · 21/01/2014 23:05

I am so very sorry. Please be kind to yourself and I hope you have lots of support in real life. My thoughts are with you and your family. If you'd like to talk about her, we'd all gladly listen.

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Superworm · 21/01/2014 23:06

I'm so very sorry. How utterly heartbreaking for you allThanks

Do talk about her if it helps.

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Greenyellow · 21/01/2014 23:08

Thank you
I can't bear it.
I can still smell her. She was perfect. Her birth was perfect.
Every part of me aches for her and nothing seems to matter now.
The love just grows and grows, even though she's not here, and not growing.

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Greenyellow · 21/01/2014 23:09

I'm sorry I can't say her name. She was so loved though.

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Boobybeau · 21/01/2014 23:09

I am so so sorry, you must be in so much pain right now. There are no words that will help you, only time will teach you how to get through each day. No mother should have to experience this, it's just so unfair. I hope you have lots of support but we are all here for you if you need to talk things through.

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SpikeHairandFab · 21/01/2014 23:09

I am so sorry ,my hart goes to you xx I will be thinking of you and your little angel xxxxx

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MrCabDriver · 21/01/2014 23:12

Oh I'm so sorry OP.

I'm sorry for the pain you're feeling.

Hold onto your little one for strength, they need you still X

I hope you and your partner can stay strong and support each other .... thinking of you X

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Tobermory · 21/01/2014 23:16

Green yellow, im so very very sorry.

I can't imagine how very difficult life is for you right now and how much you must be hurting.

Take care. Thanks

X

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SnowBells · 21/01/2014 23:26

Oh gosh… I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself. I'm sure your little girl is watching out for you from beyond the rainbow in the sky.
Thanks

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sydlexic · 21/01/2014 23:52

I am so sorry, it is horrendously unfair.

As someone who has had the same experience I can only say that it will get easier in time. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive.

Thinking of you

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Greenyellow · 22/01/2014 01:00

I really want to believe it will get easier, as the pain is unbearable right now
Can't believe all the little things I used to worry about. It wasnt worth it. Would give anything to be stressing about making the beds or whether we had enough bread etc. Jesus Christ, what a luxury

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Sheissmallandveryspidery · 22/01/2014 07:50

I am so sorry for your loss Green.
Take care of yourself if you can.
How old is your older child?
Xxx

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Spacefrog35 · 22/01/2014 09:00

I'm so sorry to her this. You might like to consider joining the sands forum (www.forum.sandsforum.org/forum.php) where there are unfortunately a large number of bereaved parents who will be able to hold your hand and support you through your journey.

It will get easier but it's going to take some time. I lost my DS nearly 3 months ago. The fog has lifted a little. I still have bad days, there are good days in between now though.

Be selfish & do what you & your family need you to do in order to get through this, lean on others for support, grieve in whatever way seems right to you. Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for how you grieve. Your child, your grief, you process it how you need to. People who have never experienced this will not understand, they will say the wrong thing and will seem insensitive. When you can, be patient with them, they don't mean to upset you, they just don't know what to say.

My thoughts are with you & your family.

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Dingleinthevillage · 22/01/2014 09:03

Sorry to hear about your little girl. My second baby was stillborn at full term 22 years ago. Please be gentle with yourself, it's a long journey x

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BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 22/01/2014 11:11

I am so sorry for your loss, thinking of you and yours xxx

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dunkinhobnobs · 22/01/2014 16:49

Greenyellow, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this nightmare. My baby boy was stillborn at 37 weeks, just 12 days before my planned c section was booked.
We are now 13 weeks further down the road than you although the moment I left my little man in that hospital still feels like only yesterday. For me that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
In many ways it does get less hard although I think that I may just be learning to live with the pain.
I am certainly no expert but please please shout if you need someone to talk to who understands.
Lots of love X

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Greenyellow · 22/01/2014 17:39

Thank you all for your kind, heartfelt words, especially those who have been there and understand the pain. I will be joining the SANDS forum

I have had horrendous moments today, but am feeling a tiny, tiny bit stronger than yesterday. I'm aware I could be on the floor with grief in five minutes or five days though.

Knowing people are thinking of me is what keeps me going. My husband is being incredible, he is grieving too, but he is coping by showering our toddler with the love and kisses she is craving. I wish I could do the same, I know I will get there x

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dunkinhobnobs · 22/01/2014 18:30

You will get there. I have 7 yr old twins and I struggled to be the Mummy that they needed me to be. Luckily DH and other family filled that gap. I felt guilty but couldn't see past my own pain, not even for my DCs.
Fast forward to now and they are my reason for getting up and facing each day and totally got me through Christmas.
They need me and call me Mummy which I now relish more than ever as my baby boy never will.
It will come. Don't try to rush it. It will come. Just be kind to yourself, do whatever it takes to get through each day and accept all offers of help because in my experience, that will tail off. Use it while it is there.
Lots of love. X

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