Acknowledging my Daughters Death

(52 Posts)
Triumphoveradversity Wed 01-Jan-14 11:39:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

everlong Fri 03-Jan-14 14:36:03

Dear Trimumph I am so sorry you have lost your daughter. All of what you describe seems quite normal to me.
I lost a 20 year old son 5 years ago to suicide and like you I think I was in denial until the beginning of 2013 when a fall out with my closest friend caused me to totally breakdown.

I don't think denying what has happened to your daughter is good for you though.. I know that you are scared of facing the truth and accepting her death but long term it's better for you. We have to grieve them. Some how.

Have you tried therapy/counselling? I think waiting a while to have it is probably better than having it straight away, I think we need to get over that initial shock and imo that can last a long time.. I had counselling 12 months after my son died and I think it helped in many ways..

It's hard. Everyday is hard and there is no magic wand, no miracle to feeling better. I don't think you ever do feel better tbh but we have to adjust to a new life.

hello triumph. Be gentle on yourself, please. From what I can see, you are already taking those important steps to allow yourself to grieve. You are on here talking about your DD, you acknowledged that Christmas was likely to be difficult, you are realising that your life has changed.

I don't know if you are the type of person who finds crying cathartic, but perhaps I can share MrMia's words about tears. He calls them liquid love. I found that very helpful. xx

I'm so pleased you have felt able to write about your dd on MN. I'm confident you will find comfort here as there are, sadly, many bereaved parents here. Each of us grieves for our child differently, but you won't be alone.
It sounds like you have a great friend too, I hope you are getting lots of support in RL.

Triumphoveradversity Sat 04-Jan-14 19:20:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoddledAsAMommet Sat 04-Jan-14 21:12:45

OP, have you been in touch with SADS UK? They're a charity started by my aunt when my cousin died of Sudden Adult Death Syndrome when he was 16. Do give them a call - they're amazing and will help with whatever you need. The phone number is 01277 811215.

LilyTheSavage Tue 07-Jan-14 03:18:15

Hi Triumph. I'm so very very sorry about your DD. I do know exactly what you're going through as my DS died almost 5 months ago. He was 21. I haven't coped very well and have been going for counselling which I think has helped. I have some lovely supportive friends and my DH, and 2 other DSs but I still miss DS2 every single day.

We went to see the ILs at Christmas and they didn't mention DS once. They didn't ask after the other two either. I felt stabby and violently angry. They aren't bad people but are just wrapped up in their own little world. I still feel stabby!

If you'd ever just like to chat please message me. I'm going to mark this thread so I can see how you're doing too.

Sending you much love flowers

hello there triumph, just wanted to say that I am thinking about you and your DD, wondering how you've been this week thanks

Triumphoveradversity Mon 13-Jan-14 20:31:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paintyfingers Mon 13-Jan-14 20:40:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itinerant Mon 13-Jan-14 20:56:47

I've pm'd you (my first ever mumsnet pm!)

LilyTheSavage Mon 20-Jan-14 06:43:46

Hi Triumph
I was thinking about you.
Sending you love brew

Triumphoveradversity Thu 30-Jan-14 23:04:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyTheSavage Fri 31-Jan-14 13:05:04

Hi Triumph. Well done for starting the Pandora's Box - it's a good way of describing it. I've been seeing a counsellor as well and I wanted to do it as I had such terrible images in my head that I couldn't share them with somebody I loved or even cared about. It's a good idea that she's helping you a little at a time.... more manageable I guess.

Enjoy seeing your friends and be kind to yourself.

Mojito100 Fri 31-Jan-14 14:30:04

My thoughts are with you. I lost my DD and even though I acknowledged it and am dealing with my grief I understand where you are at. There are things I still do or say that are personal to me. I only ever refer to her as having passed rather than she has died. The latter seems so final and I'm sure some May view it as denial but it works for me. I fully support what has been said before. We all manage our grief our own way and the only thing I can say in support is that you are doing what is right for you naturally and to keep flowing this path. Trust in yourself completely and do whatever feels right instinctively. This approach has worked for me. Not a day goes by I don't think of her constantly and I hope that never changes. I am sure tears and an overwhelming sense of loss will find you. It's hard but go with it and accept however you cope to be right for you. On those special days such as birthdays etc I act completely normal and keep it all in and on random days I may cry my eyes out because of the utter hopelessness I feel and the tragedy that has occurred. Be kind to yourself. My heart and thoughts are with you.

LilyTheSavage Sat 01-Feb-14 08:34:07

What Mojito said. The randomness and unpredictability. Oh my goodness!

LilyTheSavage Mon 03-Mar-14 07:12:00

Hi triumph
How're you doing? I haven't heard from you for a while so I'm just checking in.
Time for a brew

Mojito100 Thu 06-Mar-14 22:50:25

Triumph - just checking in like lily. Take care of yourself. By the way I have jus re-read all the posts here and don't think it would hurt if you told your SIL where to go. She sounds insensitive to you and DH and someone needs to make that clear. Don't see her if you don't want to and if she is due to come to yours feel free to tell her not to. This is about you and not her.

Triumphoveradversity Thu 27-Mar-14 13:06:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilyTheSavage Mon 31-Mar-14 10:35:37

Hi triumph.
Just checking in again. Glad you're finding the counselling helpful. Hope yesterday wasn't too painful. It was ok for me. My two DS rallied round and made lunch and were lovely and we just chilled together.
I wish I could dream about my DS2. Did you find your dream comforting?

Take care of yourself. cake

LilyTheSavage Thu 08-May-14 07:56:11

Hi triumph
Just checking in to see how you're doing.
thanks

Triumphoveradversity Tue 03-Jun-14 09:04:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Georgethesecond Tue 03-Jun-14 09:15:09

I wish you strength at the funeral and I hope you can remember the
Positive things about your friend. You will get through all this, really you will.

LilyTheSavage Wed 04-Jun-14 13:41:06

Hi Triumph.
I'm sorry about your breakdown but it's not surprising given everything you have to deal with. I hope the counselling helps. I had counselling but don't know if it helped or not.... I don't know how I'd be if I hadn't been IYSWIM.

Hope the funeral goes ok. I think it will probably be difficult for you. You're so brave to go.

VilootShesCute Wed 15-Oct-14 22:07:33

Triumph, I'm just sending love. It's been 6 years since I lost my daughter, life changes more than we could ever imagine doesn't it. Just no words to do it justice sometimes, so I tend to not talk. I hope you're doing okay.

LilyTheSavage Fri 17-Oct-14 20:06:23

Hi Triumph.

Just checking in to see you how're doing.

Hugs. xx

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now