My dad told me today he has liver cancer.

(45 Posts)
IsThatTrue Sat 28-Dec-13 19:14:59

There's nothing they can do for him . They're talking months not years. And I don't know what to do.

I want to drink myself stupid but I have 12mo ds2 here.

I want to go and stay with mum and dad but I'll have all 3 kids tomorrow and can't face telling them yet.

I want to go back in time and not have them turn up unexpectedly on my doorstep today.

This isn't fair! He's only 52. This isn't supposed to happen now.

It sounds like your mum has someone other than you to support her which is great. Make sure you do lean on your dh when you get home, that's what he's for x

JeanSeberg Sat 04-Jan-14 20:26:59

OP - I'm glad your mum has a good friend to support her. She will probably be a very important person in all this.

Uneasypeasy Sat 04-Jan-14 18:45:56

So sorry to hear your sad news IsThatTrue. My Dad was just 52 when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's too young. It just brought back sad memories for me and I wanted to let you know I was thinking of you. I remember how it feels to get that kind of news - sending you thanks.

IsThatTrue Sat 04-Jan-14 18:35:44

Sorry to hear you've had to go through this too pc

My dads not a photo person but we're making good memories.

Mums decided that once she's gone too she'd like their ashes mixed and for me to turn them into a diamond. Dad just wants to keep mum happy.

She's very fragile, breaks down 3/4 times a day. Keeps appologising for it. One if her friends came yesterday just for 24 hrs but thankfully she let her guard down a bit more for her than she will for me. My dad described it perfectly, he said 'you're being strong for your children, she's being strong for hers'. Which I can see. But I'd prefer she was honest. Right now I'm coping pretty well. I'm sure I'll fall apart a bit when I get home with DH to lean on, and when I can't keep an eye on dad.

Sorry for rambling.

OhOneOhTwoOhThree Sat 04-Jan-14 18:29:21

Sorry for your loss pcbmc00 thanks

pcbmc00 Fri 03-Jan-14 21:24:16

Hi my dm died of cancer 4 weeks ago we knew she was terminal and her time was short. All I can say is spend time with him take loads of pics of him and dc. It's a tough tough time my mum and dad have died from cancer and it's so unfair...
Thinking of you brew

JeanSeberg Fri 03-Jan-14 13:09:50

I discussed funerals with dad and he wants whatever will keep mum happy. I did discuss where he wants his ashes scattering as although mum will probably never feel able to let them go, when she's no longer around I wanted to know where he would be happiest.

I think that you should be proud of yourself for being able to have that conversation, IsThat. I know it will have been incredibly difficult. It will be of some comfort to you later on that you know you have been able to carry out his wishes.

I hope you have a nice few days with your family now and that you can make some nice memories with your dad that will keep you going in the dark times ahead. Take lots of photos.

OhOneOhTwoOhThree Fri 03-Jan-14 12:49:00

IsThat - hope you have a nice few days with your parents.

So sorry to hear your news IsThatTrue!

I think with the kids you have to be honest as you can be and ime it doesn't hit them until the end. I'm lucky I haven't been through it myself but dss lost his grandad last year and he stayed with us at the end so his mum could be with her dad without worrying.

ShrekTheHalls Thu 02-Jan-14 01:36:47

aww birthday ((hugs)) for you.
You may well be amazed at the dc. fwiw mine were 6,8 and 11 when dh was dx with cancer. We told them about it in terms of good cells and bad cells, and as dh was going to have chemo we told them about that too. we were honest with them from day one - we had to be - and answered any questions they had as honestly as we could. They did amazingly, even to the point of keeping me going by cycle 6 of his chemo and my head was up my @rse. There are a few threads around the topic in general health, maybe have a look or post a new one? Unluckily lots of us have had to tell dc about a close family member having cancer sad but some amazing people are around here who will support you every inch of the way.

IsThatTrue Wed 01-Jan-14 18:52:24

I'm doing ok. Mainly ignoring it. The consultant said they wouldn't be surprised if the end came in a month, but they also wouldn't be surprised if it was in. 6 months. As cancer is different for everyone.

They confirmed at this point there's nothing they can do to slow it down. Just try and keep dad comfortable. They've given him water tablets and he's slowly feeling less uncomfortable as the fluid in his abdomen is lessening.

I'm packing the kids in the car tomorrow and going up for a few days before they start back at school. I still haven't told them as I have no idea how. Dd (9) is so close to my dad it is going to break her heart.

I'm drinking a lot ( well for me, 2/3 glasses of wine a day). Which prob isn't the best reaction but as I say my head is quite firmly in the sand.

Today is my birthday, and I just can't enjoy myself. This morning I went shopping with my head full of ideas for the house (and arms empty as DH had all the kids) and having something to focus on helps, but every so often it hits me and I feel guilty for planning the future when he won't even be here.

I discussed funerals with dad and he wants whatever will keep mum happy. I did discuss where he wants his ashes scattering as although mum will probably never feel able to let them go, when she's no longer around I wanted to know where he would be happiest.

Sorry for rambling

OhOneOhTwoOhThree Wed 01-Jan-14 16:49:04

You are in my thoughts too thanks

ShrekTheHalls Wed 01-Jan-14 11:13:19

How are you doing, ITT? still thinking about you and your family.

ShrekTheHalls Mon 30-Dec-13 08:12:47

hugs for todaythanks

IsThatTrue Mon 30-Dec-13 07:26:47

shrek I'm not sure I can face photos of him right now, he looks so grey and gaunt. He's always been a big guy but now he's all skinny and bony apart from this huge stomach full of fluid.

He has a CT scan today and an appointment with his gastro doctor. I want answers but I'm so scared I'm not going to like the answers they give.

ShrekTheHalls Sun 29-Dec-13 23:03:52

yep, know that one too. it's your way of processing it (prior to stop the world and let me off phase),
one random tip, hope not insensitive at this point, but helped me deal with dhs cancer - loads of photos and a camera with me at all times. we went on family days out like daft stuff, the beach and the park, we just ran about being [normal] stupid. loads of photos of all of them. gets you back to reality somehow, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time smile

TheArticFunky Sun 29-Dec-13 17:52:40

I know that feeling Isthattrue. I still keep thinking I'm going to wake up and find out it's not true. sad

IsThatTrue Sun 29-Dec-13 17:51:12

Thanks everyone. I have broken down a few times today but mainly kept busy (we're in the middle of renovating a house so plenty to do). DH says I keep zoning out, where I just can't hear what's going on around me.

I keep hoping that I'm going to wake up and it was a horrible dream.

OhOneOhTwoOhThree Sun 29-Dec-13 17:27:20

How are you doing today IsThat? Thinking of you.

ShrekTheHalls Sun 29-Dec-13 11:41:54

hugs from me as well. 52 is too young for this rubbish stuff. it doesn't feel real does it sad Try contacting macmillan (and otherwise keep off google) they are awesome support for the whole family.

bumbumsmummy Sun 29-Dec-13 11:33:39

Oh shit holding your hand offering gin and chocolate

Anything we can do

SecretWitch Sun 29-Dec-13 06:37:05

What terrible news! Your family must be in shock. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. Please post here if/when you need comfort, MNer's will do our best to care and support you..xx

IsThatTrue Sun 29-Dec-13 06:26:07

Thanks blathers and everyone else.

I slept ok except didn't hear ds2 wake so must have been blocking some of it out. I'm not sure how to et through today tbh.

Blatherskite Sat 28-Dec-13 20:46:50

Oh IsThat. I have no idea what to say but wanted to offer virtual hugs. Such horrible news sad

IsThatTrue Sat 28-Dec-13 20:05:28

Really shit sad

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