If you have lost a child in young adulthood...

(9 Posts)
halfwayupthehill Sat 21-Dec-13 21:53:41

...did it help to have their friends (that you didn't know) at the funeral? I just attended such a funeral and feel like i was intruding on their intense grief..the family made it clear beforehand we were welcome but the actual ceremony was so very,very hard for them I felt helpless and wonder if having dozens of strangers there was the right thing or not. Would they have been comforted in any way by the huge turnout for their dc? I wish there was something i could do to comfort them.

goinggreyagain Sat 21-Dec-13 22:00:53

I am so glad you went OP, it absolutely will give the family comfort of knowing so many people where there. Thank you for going.

halfwayupthehill Sat 21-Dec-13 22:05:51

Thank you. I went because i cared about my friend but also because i wanted to support her family. It just didn't seem anywhere near enough.

When we lost our son last year, there were lots of his friends at the funeral who we didn't know.

It made me so very proud of my lovely boy that so many young people loved him enough to attend his funeral.

They helped us at the very worst time in our lives, James was amazing to us but to see all these young people grieving and supporting each other, made us realise just how amazing he was to other people.

I honestly think that they made the whole day easier to bear.

halfwayupthehill Mon 23-Dec-13 21:54:56

Thank you for sharing your experience. I am sorry for all those who have lost a child.

lookout Thu 02-Jan-14 01:06:34

Not a child, but my little brother died at 24 and having all his friends from uni and college, that we didn't know, was such a huge support. Meant such a lot to know people had made the effort to come and see him off, and that he had made an impact on people. You did the right thing in going halfway. Also, sorry about your friend, young lives lost are heart-breaking indeed.

jennymac Wed 22-Jan-14 22:42:57

I agree with the other posters. My sister died when she was just 23 and the church was packed with lots of young people whose life she had touched in some way. We heard lots of lovely stories about her and it was comforting for both us siblings and our parents.

LilyTheSavage Sat 01-Feb-14 08:58:53

My DS2 died in August aged 21 and over 650 people came to his funeral. Lots of his friends came some of whom I didn't know. It was wonderful that they cared enough to come and I was very pleased to see them. What was also nice was that lots of my other two DSs' friends came to support them too.
It was/is the most terrible time of our lives but we gained strength and comfort from peoples kindness and love. You were right to go.

MrsKent Sat 01-Feb-14 09:08:00

My brother died aged 23 and lots of friends I didn't personally know turned up at his funeral and me and my parents felt it was comforting they made the effort, to us it showed they care about him. Just turning up, I didn't speak to most of them, in my mind I was miles away the whole day is still a blur but I remember lots of his friends turned up and it makes the day a bit better. Some friends later on, even years down the line have contacted me to say they remember him and to think they still remember him is a wonderful feeling. I know some have sent my parents Xmas cards at Xmas just to send good wishes at a difficult time and they've also found it comforting. It was very nice of you to be there even if you felt you were not doing much. I found later on some of our common friends felt uncomfortable, death is a hard subject to be around.

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