Anybody else lost a sibling?

(9 Posts)
Juneywoony Tue 26-Nov-13 07:38:43

I'm glad you feel the same way about your sister too, they were just too ill and weren't getting the right treatment.
How frustrating for you, especially as she was in hospital and managed to escape without anyone knowing, it truly beggars belief!

Didn't really get anywhere in regards to counselling yesterday, I went to my G.P she gave me a number of a local thing called IAPT but said they probably wouldn't help as I am under a psychiatrist and have bipolar but to just check anyway|!! and then told me if they won't then ring cruse. I've rung cruse twice now and just get an answer phone and I bloody hate leaving answer phone messages!

I did ring the SOBS charity the other week and they were very helpful but they don't do a group in my area.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Mon 25-Nov-13 08:10:02

I know what you mean, I don't feel anger or blame either - I just wish the mental health system had taken better care of my sister too. She'd just been diagnosed with bpd and they had her on 10 minute checks in a private hospital but she just walked out (no staff around at all over 3 floors to stop her) and went missing for 4 days before jumping off a tall building in London. It's just ridiculous really.

Anyway, not meaning to hijack your thread but best wishes to you, I hope you can find some really good counselling and soon.

Juneywoony Mon 25-Nov-13 07:53:22

'lastnightopenedmyeyes'

When I saw your thread title is really send shivers down my spine, so sad that somebody else is experiencing this at a similar time.

I'm sorry, you couldn't be part of the funeral due to your family.

I was lucky (if that is the right word to use) in that I helped my mum organise some of the funeral. Our parents are divorced but thankfully their partners took a step back at the funeral and let my mum and dad hug, hold hands and cry together which really was a comfort for me and my brother, we sat there the four of us, just staring at the coffin the youngest of what was once our family unit was in there when she should have been sat alive with us, just so sad.

I don't feel any anger or blame towards my sister, she did what she did out of shear desperation. She had the crisis team visiting her daily for the last two months on suicide watch which is just a total joke, she should have been in hospital. My anger is directed towards them and the system they let her down hugely. x

Xochiquetzal Mon 25-Nov-13 07:03:36

I'm glad you have people there for you, routine is a good distraction but remember to take time for yourself too x

Hopefully with time it won't be the last image of your sister that your brother thinks of anyway but all the ones that came before, like when you were playing as kids, birthdays, days out etc.

lastnightopenedmyeyes Mon 25-Nov-13 07:03:36

Hi, couldn't read and run since that other thread was mine. My sister committed suicide on 17 October and she would've turned 42 this weekend just gone. My grieving process is very different since I've not been able to have any involvement in anything since she died, due to family breakdowns (she was my half sister).

So I'm wondering about counselling for the opposite reason, I just haven't been able to 'feel' anything yet other than intense shock and a heavy heart.

Anyway, I wish you the best and I'm really sorry your sister took her life too. X

Juneywoony Mon 25-Nov-13 06:51:38

Thanks for posting, so very sorry for your dear brother.

I have two children of 6 and 4 and a wonderful husband, so I do have them to keep me going and getting the kids ready for school, looking after them helps me keep some form of normality. Although I don't have that much patience with them when they get back from school, they squabble a lot.

My brother is coming to stay this weekend which I'm really looking forward to, he sadly is the one who found her, she had hung herself, with his guitar strap of all things! He's struggling like me, probably more so because his last image of her is how he found her. He wouldn't go and see her in the chapel of rest, despite me pleading. She looked so lovely and peaceful and just like she was asleep I really wanted that to be his final image of her but alas that will never be now. x

Xochiquetzal Mon 25-Nov-13 06:46:23

I lost a little brother, he was a baby though so it was very different to what you are going through. My GP referred me to a very lovely counselor so might be worth asking your GP.

It does get easier with time but I know that's no help to you right now. thanks

WhyohWhyCantIThinkofaFabName Mon 25-Nov-13 06:40:10

I don't have much advice ref counselling but didn't want to read and run. I am so very sorry for your loss. I haven't lost a sibling through suicide, but my brother literally dropped dead 4 days before his 33rd birthday. Alongside my son he was my world and having to be the one to bury him broke my heart. Yes life does go on, but that's no consolation at all and I understand why that would anger you. My brother died ten years ago and I still think of him every day. The only way I can describe it is that you start to learn to live with it. I know I was eaten up with 'what ifs' and because I had to take care of all the practical things I didn't grieve properly for months and months and only did then because I became very ill, so please try and look after yourself and be kind to yourself X

Juneywoony Mon 25-Nov-13 06:26:53

My sister sadly committed suicide 4 weeks ago, she would have been 28 four days later.

I know there is a thread very similar a little further down from someone is a similar situation, but I just feel like I need to have my own.

I feel like I'm getting worse, I'm crying daily, the slightest thing sets me off, I can barely eat or sleep and feel like I'm going mad (doesn't help that I have bipolar) I just miss her so much, wish I could turn back time to say or do something differently to have stopped her from doing it.

Already I've had people say to me that basically I've just got to get on with it, life goes on etc.. which makes my blood boil! I feel like screaming at them I've lost my little sister, life will never be the same again for me!

I have had great support from friends and family but I almost feel like now I can't mention her or get upset as their probably sick of me going on about it, but it is still so raw for me and she is in my mind constantly.

Yesterday I had to go and get some of her stuff that she had been storing at a friends, I found an old purse with her nation insurance card in which just set me off. There were photo's, cd's, dvd's the dressing gown that I had bought for her birthday last year amongst many other things, it just all felt so wrong.

I know I need some form of counselling but I'm not sure where to start, I did ring the sob's charity and had a lovely chat with a woman who had lost her mother through suicide, trouble is they have no groups in my area.

Can anyone recommend a good place to get counselling please? x

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