feel so alone

(12 Posts)
popmusic84 Mon 18-Nov-13 00:57:59

Lost my dad over 20 years ago and my mum over 2 years ago. I have 3 lovely children including 1 conceived after my mums death. My relationship with (d) h is crap. He acually Asked why I was crying on the day of my mums funeral fgs. I just feel so alone. I do not think I have a long term relationship with my husband but just do not feel supported. I Cannot return home to my parents. Feel so alone.

claraschu Mon 18-Nov-13 02:17:35

I don't think I know what to say, but don't want this to go unanswered. It is terribly lonely to have no parents. My mother died 3 years ago, and my father 1 year ago. I feel rootless and lost very often, and also have to deal with the memory of their very very difficult last years. I don't want to just go on and on about how terrible my loss has been for me, as I don't think that is necessarily helpful.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but I have found that having children is the best comfort, not just because they are so wonderful, but also because they give you a place in the world.

popmusic84 Mon 18-Nov-13 02:25:31

So true. Thank you. Sorry for you loss too. X

claraschu Mon 18-Nov-13 02:45:36

Thank you. I hope you are not up, unable to sleep because you are feeling sad and lonely and worried right now. Do you want to talk about your marriage? Or to tell a bit about your parents? Do you have good friends you can talk to? Or is talking about all your losses and worries boring and not particularly helpful (sometimes I feel this way).

popmusic84 Mon 18-Nov-13 02:57:28

Thank you. Yes I am awake. Unable to sleep. I do have friends in real that I guess I need to confide in. My dad was ready to go. He was ill for a long time and I guess in a way his death was a blessing. That probably sounds terrible. My mum was different. She was my only parent for half of my life. She was an amazing lady who I really miss. She really wasn't ready to go. She knew she was ill but was terrified of dying. Sadly an accident took her before her illness did. In terms of my marrisge I guess I M disappointed by the lack of support received. H e lost his dad so I would have hoped for more. Thank you.

claraschu Mon 18-Nov-13 03:18:20

Is your H supportive in other ways? Some people just are terrible at coping with other people's bereavement (and probably their own bereavements as well). Did your H love and feel close to his dad?

I think death is often a blessing when it finally comes after years of illness and fear and loss of spirit and mind. Both of my parent should have died earlier, as their last years were horribly difficult, painful, and destructive, but both of them just had bodies which hung on to life. I wish, perhaps selfishly, that one of my parents could have died before falling apart slowly and completely, as my memories of who they really were would be in tact, my feelings of sorrow and loss untainted by everything I had to deal with.

Do you think your friends would understand your feelings? How sad that both of your parents must have died quite young. Do you have siblings? Sometimes siblings are not particularly helpful anyway.

I hope you are asleep; I'm going to try-

popmusic84 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:56:48

Thank you so much for your reply. Feeling better this morning. Do have siblings but they are wrapped up in their own grief. They see me as the strong one. Maybe I will confide in 2 of my friends. They do understand to a certain extent as they have both lost their dad. One when she was only 13.

popmusic84 Mon 18-Nov-13 10:59:16

Tbh not really feeling supported by dh at all. He works long hours. When he gets home he just flops in front of tv. The only time I get a break from baby is when I go out or she is sleeping. Even if he tries to entertain or look after her she soon cries for me.

claraschu Tue 19-Nov-13 02:23:18

Hi again. Sorry I tend to go on MN when I can't sleep, and I was busy during the day yesterday.

I think it might be really good if you can confide in friends. I hope they understand. Siblings often seem to set up patterns in their relationships which are impossible to break out of. I am also supposedly the sane one, who doesn't have problems, and my sister is awful if I try to confide in her.

Do you think your H is just ground down by the monotony, the exhaustion, and the struggle? Is he a loving, sympathetic person somewhere underneath? It is incredibly hard having 3 kids, suffering bereavements, working long hours (either as a SAHP or at a job), and I think most marriages limp along some of the time. It seems very common for people to feel misunderstood or unappreciated at this point in their marriage, and feeling that way really brings out the worst in us. Unfortunately, then when we most need love and support, we have the additional misery of feeling abandoned by the person who should be closest to us.

I guess I am hoping that both of you have just had a rough time, but that there might be potential for you to find each other again. Of course, I have no idea if this is what you want, or if maybe you need to separate. Have you tried to tell him how you feel, maybe with the help of a counsellor? I sound silly saying that, because of course I know that counselling is not a panacea, but I think that if you find the right person, it can really help some relationships.

I hope you are peacefully asleep-

claraschu Wed 20-Nov-13 06:02:22

Sorry more people didn't answer you-

Really hope you are feeling better

popmusic84 Wed 20-Nov-13 11:06:32

I am much better thank you.

claraschu Wed 20-Nov-13 20:51:06

That's good; take care.

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