A good friend died last week and I can't let it all out.

(9 Posts)
IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 04-Nov-13 14:21:16

A good friend and colleague of mine died last week after only being ill since May.
She was 48 and we were still working together when she was diagnosed with metastatic cancer.
My mum died when she was the same age (19 years ago) and it's dredged up all sorts of feelings and memories from then.
It's her funeral on Friday which I will obviously be going to but I'm terrible as soon as I see the coffin I break down.
I would love to have a good cry before the funeral - let it all out a bit but I can't seem to let go enough to get going.
I feel empty, and hollow. Desperately sad but I just can't cry.

mrssmith79 Mon 04-Nov-13 14:35:08

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a sad time.
Please don't worry about the funeral - i'm sure you won't be the only one. Even if you do have a good outpouring of grief beforehand, there's no guarantee that it won't hit you again at the time so don't worry, everyone grieves at their own speed and in their own way.

I hope you have a good friend / partner who is able to support you through this.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Mon 04-Nov-13 21:39:56

Thanks mrssmith.

Just noticed my massive typo in the thread title blush

I have a feeling that if I could let it all pour out prior to the funeral that I'd find it easier to get through the funeral itself.

Even writing a card to her husband and children today didn't set me off.

I have supportive colleagues who are grieving too, but my DH didn't know her well and isn't known for his sensitivity and understanding with this type of thing.

telsa Mon 04-Nov-13 21:53:53

Perhaps you could let it out here to sympathetic ears. It can help.

BerkshireMum Wed 06-Nov-13 15:54:39

So sorry to hear this OP. I lost one of my closest friends very, very suddenly nearly 3 years ago. I felt numb for weeks. Didn't cry for ages and sleepwalked through the funeral. I then spent more than a year avoiding lots of people and places until I felt strong enough to face them and grieve.

Please be kind to yourself. Accept that how you feel and react is absolutely fine and reasonable. If you are worried you'll break-down at the funeral and want some back-up or support there, think about who you can confide in beforehand. It might be another colleague, or maybe ask a friend who didn't know her, or didn't know her well, to go with you for support.

Take care.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 06-Nov-13 16:55:35

Thanks, there will be plenty of people at the funeral that I know. Colleagues, other friends and her family.
It's going to be so full that I doubt anyone will even notice me.
I'm going to meet a couple of friends and colleagues and head to the funeral with them.
It's a strange one. I'm gutted, numb and shocked all at once.

BerkshireMum Wed 06-Nov-13 17:20:20

I do know how you feel. Heading there with friends is a good idea. Try not to have any expectations and just go with the flow.

Take care

OvertiredandConfused Wed 13-Nov-13 14:08:54

Hi OP, just wanted to see how you're doing. I hope Friday went ok

IwishIwasmoreorganised Wed 13-Nov-13 22:24:41

Thanks for thinking of me.

Friday was extremely tough. My friends family were outstanding at her funeral and she would have been so proud of them, and of the lovely young adults that her children now are.

The first hymn was one that we'd had at my Mum's funeral and that was the end of me holding things together.

She was buried after the service which we were invited to as friends and colleagues but we didn't go as that's something for close family IMO. We headed straight to the church hall where the wake was. It was lovely to meet up with ex colleagues, and we've resolved to keep in touch more and have an annual event to remember our friend. We're thinking of something at this time of year, as well as a big race for life effort.

I'm feeling better that I've paid my respects and that she is now at rest, but obviously still miss her terribly.

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