So best mate hung himself today

(16 Posts)
Blondeshavemorefun Mon 07-Oct-13 23:39:14

IM sorry for your loss

My dh hung his self just under 2.5yrs ago - sometimes feels like a lifetime - other times very recent

There will be an inquest - and will talk to his doctor and friends and family

Did they leave a note?

In your mind you will often wonder if there was anything you could have done

The answer is no

I hope you and their family have some good support

Cruse were very good and I had counselling through them for a long time

Feel free to message me if you want to ask anything or ask on this thread

captainmummy Fri 27-Sep-13 20:01:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

^^ What Goldmandra said about trying to work out if you could have done something different.

I hope you're okay OP, big hugs xxx

Goldmandra Fri 27-Sep-13 17:15:41

A friend took her own life recently and the funeral was only a week later.

That may have been because she took several hours to die, by which time she was in hospital but it was still suicide.

It is a terrible shock and I found that it dominated my thoughts totally at first. Like mrsbob says, it's OK to be angry as well as sad. I was and still am because I'm watching her family go through hell.

You will probably go over all your interactions with him, trying to work out if you could have done anything different. You couldn't. When someone is determined to take their own life there is little you can do to stop them or make them change their mind. They sometimes feel genuinely happy once they have made the decision that their hell is about to be over. Don't even think about blaming yourself for this.

Have you had any contact with his family since getting this news?

mrsbob Fri 27-Sep-13 15:56:44

I am so sorry for your loss. We went through the same thing with my BIL 13 years ago. There will be an investigation, hopefully straight forward, and an inquest. Because with my BIL it was straightforward we only had 3 weeks between him dying and the funeral.
We found everybody we dealt with to be fantastic. Lots of time to sit and talk to us and take us through each stage. The coroner was very discreet. There were things he could have mentioned at the inquest that would have made my BIL death into a headline news story (the press are always in the coroners court) but you could see him read through the notes in his head without saying it all out loud.
You will feel every emotion possible, all are completely normal. But you will eventually start to feel normal again, a new kind of normal. That's not to say it ever goes away. I'm feeling quite angry with BIL at the moment because my children are starting to ask why there uncle isn't here and how he died. Not an easy one to explain to young children.
Takr care of yourself and make sure you keep talking, I found it really helped. x

valiumredhead Fri 27-Sep-13 13:14:03

God, how utterly dreadful,I am so sorrysad

Hi Doudou I'm sorry for your loss too.

I agree about feeling what you're feeling. My emotions were all over the place - anger, very very dark humour, utter despair, anxiety.

I've forgiven my friend too, but it has taken a long time.

DoudousDoor Fri 27-Sep-13 12:15:00

I'm not police or coroner but a close friend of mine hung himself when we were 18. I don't know the ins and outs, except that there was an inquest, an autopsy sad and the funeral was several weeks (about 5 I think) after his death.

Most of all I remember my incredible anger with him, blaming myself (why didn't he feel able to ring me?) and just being so unbelievably sad.

Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. I remember being told I shouldn't be angry with my friend for killing himself but I was. And being told I was wrong for feeling that was very hard. Eventually (literally months later) I got over my anger and could see a different side to it but I needed to go through that.

I also remember feeling very alive and sad, e.g. when I heard birds sing (something I barely noticed before) I remember thinking that X would never hear them again, and once again not understanding what he'd done and why.

My best therapy was keeping a diary. I ranted and raged in it. I cried on it. I remembered my friend.

It's been 13 years now (almost to the day) and I still have moments of sadness. A song can trigger it (especially one played at his funeral which had special meaning for us). I have forgiven him though now. I know that sounds odd (because I was therefore blaming him) but I did need to forgive him and eventually I did.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Be kind to yourself.

Avondale Fri 27-Sep-13 06:46:45

Thanks for all your replies

PuddingAndHotMilk Fri 27-Sep-13 01:57:00

Another hand to hold here. I'm so sorry for your loss and as someone else said, I can't comprehend how you must be feeling. Sorry I don't know how these things work so can't offer any practical advice other than 'be gentle with yourself' thanksthanks

Avon I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Huge, huge hugs flowers

I went through it 8 years ago. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck and it took me a long time to process.

What happened with my friend: there was an inquest shortly after her death. It was formally 'adjourned' so that her body could be released and we could have the funeral. The full inquest was some months later.

Do you have anyone with you tonight?

Bigpants1 Fri 27-Sep-13 01:12:53

I'm not a police person or coroner, but just wanted to let u know I've seen ur post. It's late, & didn't want u to feel alone this time of night.
Would you like to talk about your friend, or what happened? If not, maybe someone else will see ur post later, or in the morning. x

mummylin Fri 27-Sep-13 01:12:52

No advice but am sorry to hear about your friend. I have no idea how things have to be done. What an awful shock for you.my dds friend did the same thing.Has your friend left children ? Do you have someone with you ? It's a hard thing to take in isn't it. I hope there are other friends of yours in the same group as your friend, then you can all comfort each other.

tribpot Fri 27-Sep-13 01:09:13

I can't help with the details but I didn't want your post to go unanswered. I wondered if the Samaritans might be able to help?

I think the police should talk the family through the next steps, will you be able to talk to them? I think the police may want to talk to you about his state of mind (as they will need to investigate whether it was a suicide - sorry to put an even worse thought into your mind).

A colleague I had only known for a few weeks killed himself earlier this year and the shock was appalling. I can imagine enough to know that I can't imagine what you're going through, and I'm very sorry for your loss.

I normally hide the suicide threads on MN as I find them too hard to read; I thought it might help you to know there are others out there who may sympathise but be unable to post.

Be kind to yourself and don't feel this is something you just have to cope with - it is a profound kind of trauma and you need to go gently.

Avondale Fri 27-Sep-13 00:53:27

Bump

Avondale Fri 27-Sep-13 00:31:52

What the hell happens next? Would like heads up from police, coroner type person and anyone else who has had their family ripped apart in this way Sat here feeling numb. Huge apologies if this is trigger

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