DD is 2 tomorow

(48 Posts)
LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:03:34

I don't know how I'm going to cope tomorow. I just want to go to sleep for 48 hours.

Sometimes when people ask me if DS is my first I say yes because I can't bear to tell them about my DD. I know this makes me truly terrible and I despise myself for doing it.

I miss her so much., I wish I could hold her again for one second.

Dilidali Sun 15-Sep-13 20:19:51

That's such a good idea. I only heard of knitted hats before, my DD got one. I don't knit, but it is a 'retirement plan' to learn how to do it and make lots of little hats, the kindness really moved me. smile

BlueSkyandRain Sun 15-Sep-13 20:17:09

I'm so sorry for your loss lumpy. Paige sounds lovely, I hope you are coping ok this evening.
I know the 'hungover from crying' feeling, I was feeling like that this morning too (my ds was stillborn 5 months ago and it's still hitting me at random times).
Don't despise yourself for not explaining about Paige - I was asked if my 4y old was my last (he's just started school) - I did explain about my youngest ds because I feel so strongly that I want to talk about him as one of my children and then felt bad as people felt awkward. There's no easy option unfortunately sad.
I love the wooly hugs idea too; I still get comfort from the blanket we were given in hospital, just the thought that someone bothered to make it.
Hope tomorrow is an easier day for you x

DoItTooJulia Sun 15-Sep-13 20:14:34

So sorry to hear about Paige.

If groups aren't your thing, try here. It's an amazing collective of writers with deceased children.

www.glowinthewoods.com/

LumpySpace Sun 15-Sep-13 20:06:01

Angel hugs are one of the woolly hugs projects. They're white knitted or crocheted blankets that get sent it to hospitals. They're for babies that have crossed over.

carameldecaflatte Sun 15-Sep-13 19:17:24

An Angel hug sounds like a lovely way to remember Paige and pass on some of the kindness you were shown.

She sounds beautiful. thanks

Dilidali Sun 15-Sep-13 19:08:50

What is an angel hug? Sorry if the question is innapropriate.

MrsDeVere Sun 15-Sep-13 18:53:21

An Angel hug sounds perfect smile

LumpySpace Sun 15-Sep-13 18:44:17

No MrsDeVere, but I'm making an Angel hug for woolly hugs. When I was in hospital the staff in SCBU were amazing, they made little footprints and took clippings from her hair for me. They even gave me her blanket from her little pod.
So I wanted to do something to pay it forward. For someone else who's going through that.

MrsDeVere Sun 15-Sep-13 18:22:07

Paige sounds beautiful Lumpy

I have been involved in the making of a video for bereaved parents. This may not be the time for you to watch it but I could send you the think if you think it would help. Its online and not very long.

Just let me know if you want to see it.
Its a legit one, made by The Compassionate Friends.

But I understand if you don't feel up to it.

LumpySpace Sun 15-Sep-13 17:34:11

When I first saw her in SCBU I thought she had a cheeky turned up nose but that was the because of the masks and things. When they took the masks of she looked like a china doll.

I am so sorry for your loss, LumpySpace.

Paige will forever be your daughter, whether it feels apropriate to mention her to others or not - there is no right or wrong here.

There will come the time when you might want to tell your DS about his big sister. I am glad he is keeping you busy and distracting you a bit.

Much love x.

Dilidali Sun 15-Sep-13 16:28:20

Glad to hear you're coping smile
Sounds like she knew her mind!
Who did she look like? X

LumpySpace Sun 15-Sep-13 15:03:30

I actually feel relatively ok today except I feel almost hungover from crying, ifyswim?
DS has kept me busy for most of the day luckily.

Paige passed when she was 4 days old. She was born at 27 weeks and delivered by emergency csection. When I had gone in for a routine growth scan they found out that there was only 1 blood vessel in her umbilical cord and blood flow had stopped. Because of restricted blood flow although she was only about the size of a baby at 16 weeks gestation, absolutely tiny, less than a pound. She passed on after 4 days because of infection (I've forgotten the medical name of it). I think by that time she'd had enough of the invasive medical procedures because she kept pinching the nurses and grabbing her tubes :,)

I love every single one of you! I'm so grateful for all your kind words thanks

Dilidali Sun 15-Sep-13 13:37:51

Lumpy, I am not religious, but I found a few moments, lit a pretty candle and thought of you and Paige. I hope you find the strenght.

carameldecaflatte Sun 15-Sep-13 13:36:39

Thinking of you today Lumpy, and your dear daughter Paige.

thanks

BikeRunSki Sun 15-Sep-13 13:25:37

How are you today Lumpy ?

matildawormwood Sat 14-Sep-13 23:38:43

Lumpy I'm so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to say please don't feel guilty about not mentioning your DD. I lost my DS 16 months ago and we moved to a new town 9 months ago and I've still not told a soul about him. He's my special boy and I don't want to share him with people I don't know very well. Often the reaction is embarrassment and I feel he and I both deserve better than that. Also, and perhaps this is just me in denial, but I find it easier to be around people who don't know what happened. Like I can be my old self. And I need to do that sometimes without feeling the weight of their pity. So please don't feel bad.

BikeRunSki Sat 14-Sep-13 23:36:18

thanks

BikeRunSki Sat 14-Sep-13 23:35:41

Lumpy,I can only imagine your situation, but a very close friend' s son died when he was two days old ( we were due out first dc on the same day) and she found going to groups helped her because she didn' t have to explain anything or justify her feelings at all.

carameldecaflatte Sat 14-Sep-13 22:24:05

Paige is a lovely name.

I couldn't cope with going to groups and sometimes I wish I had. But I found a lovely community online and made some dear friends who still understand when nobody else seems to. It helps, however you go about it, to find people who understand how you feel.

Hugs thanks

Dilidali Sat 14-Sep-13 22:15:39

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Hugs. X

butterflyflyaway Sat 14-Sep-13 22:06:17

flowers

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 14-Sep-13 22:03:55

flowers for Paige, Lumpy, MrLumpy and Paige's brother.

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 22:01:14

Thankyou again everyone. I'm feeling a lot less hysterical now x

sittinginthesun Sat 14-Sep-13 21:47:08

Beautiful name. I would love to hear about her, if you want to talk.

Wishing you a gentle day. X

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