DD is 2 tomorow

(48 Posts)
LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:03:34

I don't know how I'm going to cope tomorow. I just want to go to sleep for 48 hours.

Sometimes when people ask me if DS is my first I say yes because I can't bear to tell them about my DD. I know this makes me truly terrible and I despise myself for doing it.

I miss her so much., I wish I could hold her again for one second.

gotadifferentnamenow Sat 14-Sep-13 20:08:43

I'm so sorry. I hope DD's birthday passes as gently as possible.

mineofuselessinformation Sat 14-Sep-13 20:10:53

So you lost a precious daughter and don't feel strong enough to explain that to other people? That doesn't make you a terrible person at all, just someone who is still grieving for their child. Maybe in time you will be more able to talk about her.
FWIW, I would mark her birthday in some way, maybe burn a candle for her, as I think you might wish you had if you don't. Be kind to yourself.

BikeRunSki Sat 14-Sep-13 20:14:10

I am so sorry for your loss. Not telling people about your DD doesn' t make you terrible, you are protecting yourself from a potentially distressing situation, and having to deal with their embarrassment. If people get to know you, and you want to tell them, then you can do in your own time.

I work with someone who always believed not to have any children. He is in his fifties now. It was only after I had known him for 5 or 6 years , about 5 or .6 years ago and was expecting DS, that he said one day "I had a son once...." He had never said a word about it since.

carameldecaflatte Sat 14-Sep-13 20:17:31

I'm so sorry.

Would you like to talk about your DD here in this safe place? I, amongst others, will "listen".

It will be 5 years next month since my beautiful ds1 was stillborn. On the first anniversary we visited his grave and it was horrible but since then we decided to have a nice day out on the anniversary of his loss to mark the day with something good.

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:22:59

We are going up to her grave tomorow. I've got her some plants and things to put down.

I've been okish today but now ds is in bed I feel awful.

I've not told anyone in IRL this but I can't handle the thought of my beautiful tiny girl in the ground

Thankyou everyone and I'm sorry for making you listen to this. X

adagio Sat 14-Sep-13 20:26:27

My deepest, sincerest condolences.

Be kind to yourself, cuddle and hold close those that are dear to you and are here on this earth to hold.

flowers

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 14-Sep-13 20:26:46

Please Lumpy never ever feel embarrassed to talk to us about your dd and the awfulness of losing her. You haven't made us listen to this you dafty smile, we chose to click on your thread, knowing very well what it was likely to be about.

<hugs>

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:33:50

Thankyou, you are all wonderful. I need to try and pull myself together now (I don't want to cry in front of DS).

HandMini Sat 14-Sep-13 20:35:32

Lumpy - hugs. Who do you talk to in real life?

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:38:24

I talk to DH about it but I don't talk to my family or friends about how I feel. It's not that I can't but I wouldn't want to worry them.

exoticfruits Sat 14-Sep-13 20:43:24

Could you find a group? I was a widow and just talking to others in the same position was a life saver for me. They understood and were going through the same thing.

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 20:46:37

I think it's time for me to go to the SANDS meetings. I've always avoided them before, I don't know why.

HandMini Sat 14-Sep-13 20:46:52

Exotic, I was just about to suggest the same things.

Lumpy, if you went to a group, you would KNOW you're all there for the same reasons - to talk and share. You wouldn't feel guilty and as though you're burdening people (although I'm sure you wouldn't be anyway if you talked to friends and family - often people want to support, but they don't know how to start the conversation).

mineofuselessinformation Sat 14-Sep-13 20:48:29

The plants sound a lovely idea. And as for where your daughter is, she's safe and warm in your heart for ever.

MrsDeVere Sat 14-Sep-13 20:48:46

You have to right to cope with 'the question' in whatever way you can.

If you chose to tell people that your DS is your only child that is YOUR choice and it is not wrong.

You do what gets you through the day.

You are not denying her, you are surviving and sometimes that is all we can do.

I hope tomorrow passes as peacefully as it can thanks

exoticfruits Sat 14-Sep-13 20:53:35

I really think that you would find it helpful- I hope so anyway. It is worth a try- just because they all really understand. If you haven't been there you can imagine,but you can't know. The group would know.

exoticfruits Sat 14-Sep-13 20:54:33

Of course it isn't for everyone but my group got very close and supportive.

YoniMatopoeia Sat 14-Sep-13 21:00:17

Hugs to you from me lumpy. So sorry about your dd.

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 21:01:15

I've always been a bit scared of going to groups and things. I don't know why.

DameDeepRedBetty Sat 14-Sep-13 21:07:31

I know what you mean about 'going to groups and things'. I was very resistant to it when we going through all the fallout from dbro's alcoholism and all the ramifications it brought in his wake - I've always been a bit anti- organised things like that. However, in the end I did go, and it was immensely helpful, supportive, and cathartic, to find that other families had been through the experience, had felt the same helplessness, the same guilt, and had made the same mistakes and learned the same lessons.

curlew Sat 14-Sep-13 21:09:42

Could you tell us her name?

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 21:43:30

Her name is Paige.

sittinginthesun Sat 14-Sep-13 21:47:08

Beautiful name. I would love to hear about her, if you want to talk.

Wishing you a gentle day. X

LumpySpace Sat 14-Sep-13 22:01:14

Thankyou again everyone. I'm feeling a lot less hysterical now x

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