Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

(1000 Posts)
mummylin Wed 11-Sep-13 12:47:05

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

ssd Sun 10-Nov-13 20:52:52

badvoc, I'm surprised your sister is having her counselling so soon, cruse told me they dont see anyone for at least 6-8 months after a loss as you're just all over the place before them and sometimes it does more harm than good...who is your sis having counselling with?

tweetytwat Sun 10-Nov-13 21:49:17

It would have been my mum's 60th birthday today. Except she died (suicide) 18 years ago. I still feel quite cheated.

My children are missing a GP and my dad seems to be an alcoholic these days. And people are moaning about how much/how little their parents help with the children and it's all pissing me off today.

I hope you don't mind me barging in for a little grumble. Her name was Pam. I'm due another NC anyway so sod it.

ssd Sun 10-Nov-13 22:35:14

tweet, barge in all you like, thats what this thread is for.
I'm sorry about your mum, what an awful thing for you to live with all these years and your dad doesnt sound too good either. I'm so sorry. I know what you mean about the moaning, its everywhere, theres even threads on here about grannies and inlaws buying too much for xmas, for the kids, I mean jesus wept. sad

tell us about your mum, if you feel you can flowers x

feel free to come in an tell us about your mum, we know what you mean. i am avoiding the threads that i know will give me the rage. i know other people think differently but it is very hard not to say they should be thankful they have their dm/mil/ddad or whoever to want to spend time with their children. i am not so good this week friday would of been my mums 3rd wedding anniversary, satuarday is a year since she died. i feel pretty miserable and wish i could sleep through the whole week. christmas planning is coming along good though it distracts me, spending money like its going out of fashion though!

crazykat Mon 11-Nov-13 07:12:43

She's gone and I want her back. It's just not fair and I know I sound like a child but I don't care. I just want my mum.

I've lost a huge part of me yet everything else is still the same. DCs are up for school and need breakfast, DS2 is crying and I just want to hide. It's not fair.

It doesn't seem real.

katsad am so sorry to hear your sad news this morning. I hope that things were peaceful and calm it is so difficult to get back to looking after dc and doing what needs doinf. It is very hard to carry on as normal if you need to keep the dc off/be late whatever it takes you should do. We are always here to chat to x

Badvoc Mon 11-Nov-13 07:59:47

Oh Kat sad
I'm so very sorry.
It's is unfair. All of it. I remember a couple of days after dad died and I was loading the washing machine and I stopped and thought "what am I doing? My dad just died. Life can't just go on"
But it does.
Is someone with you? Can someone else take them to school?

Badvoc Mon 11-Nov-13 08:00:09

Ssd...it's through a local hospice.

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 08:22:32

Oh kat I am so sorry to see this news. I Thought you would have more time together than this. It does feel pretty unreal so start with, all around you everything is the same as yesterday, how can this be possible when something so awful has just happened ? it is a very strange time..we are of course all here for you. Look after yourself x

t875 Mon 11-Nov-13 08:36:38

Oh Kat in so sorry. It really is crap and not fair. It is normal what your feeling. I felt the same. That feeling does lessen as time goes on but still come back to haunt me. I've had to move with life without her in my life and its not easy at times. I've wobbled this weekend after sorting her clothes. sad

I remember shouting " I want my mum" how can she be gone!! It's awful. sad will be thinking of you.
Sending you hugs.

Tweet - so very sorry about your mum. We so know what you are going through. Here for you anytime. I was at work the other day and one of the girls was moaning about her mum calling her everyday and how annoying it is. Normally I wouldn't say anything but I've been a lot more bitter these days. I said believe me your miss it when she's gone. Enjoy it! I'd give anything for that phone call!!

Mummylin - glad you've got a bit more time and space before the funeral. I can imagine though still will be hard for you.

Ssd - glad it went ok with cruse well done for going let me know how you go.

Hi to super * hope you feel better* when I feel like it I have to keep myself busy.

Hi biscuits and everyone else. Thinking of you all
X

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 09:11:54

I would just like to add that I too read some of the threads on here and can't believe how many people moan about such stupid little things their mum or mil has done. They have no idea how lucky they are to even have their mum . I know that for us who have lost our mum / dad we would give anything to have them back with us for even a few minutes.

crazykat Mon 11-Nov-13 18:15:03

DH has taken the week off work to help and my dad was signed off work by the GP so he could be with my mum. My dad was with her, she just stopped breathing which is a blessing but I just want her back.

My aunt is showing her true colours again. She had text me yesterday afternoon and nothing since. My dad rang her last night just after mum died and we haven't heard from her since. My friends have been texting me since last week when she started to go downhill and they have never met her. I was getting really angry at my aunt but I've decided to just let it go, I don't need the stress on top of everything else.

I've been running around getting shopping and sorting things today and will be doing the same tomorrow as DS needs to see the doctor and I have to pick up the death certificate and register the death. I feel like if I stop even for a minute I will fall apart.

It feels so wrong but I want to get our Christmas shopping finished and sort the house out. I should be with my dad but I just can't seem to sit still and I feel so heartless as I just want to get things done.

I really hope 2014 is better for us all xxx

It's so hard kat do what you feel you need to do, but be careful not to run yourself down. posted three robins today first class so should be with you soon

Badvoc Mon 11-Nov-13 18:43:44

Sounds like me Kat!
I didn't stop in the week after my dad died.
I didn't feel I could...or rather if I did I would fall apart.
Wrt your aunt...I have no advice I'm afraid. I saw one if my own aunts true colours after my dad died and I am still deeply upset.
Just concentrate on your family and your dad.
Could your dh register your mums death? Or is that somehting you feel you need to do?
I totally understand the getting Xmas sorted thing...I am the same this year. It's all done pretty much, except for mils and sils partner. Grocery slots booked etc.
It does seem so surreal to be shopping, and taking dc to appts after such a traumatic Life changing event.
My aunt had the Macmillan nurses coming in today. Mum rang her earlier and she said she wasn't feeling well sad
I keep wondering whether to take the boys to see her? We don't know how long she has left...
My sister does not feel up to going to our uncles funeral and tbh neither do I so the new plan is for my dh to take mum down in Friday and for her to stay for a couple of days.
She seems happy with this.
My mil is going to see her tonight so I get a night off!

ssd Mon 11-Nov-13 19:56:11

I'm, so sorry kat, I really am sad

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:09:15

kat if it helps you cope by being busy then that's what you need to do. There are no rules when this awful event hits us and only you can decide how you want to cope. I feel so sorry that you are in this position, it's gut wrenching isn't it. Maybe it will keep your mind from thinking too much f you carry on and prepare for Xmas. No- one can judge what you do. Wish we could all do more for you.
badvoc sorry your aunt seems to be declining, maybe she can pick up a bit ? Glad it's finally sorted about the funeral and that you have managed to sort out fr your mum to still go.
supermario you must be a good at crafts etc . I can do any sewing at all, well can manage a button !
t what a horrible job you have had to do. I think sorting through clothes is awful and couldn't face t myself. My aunt did it for me but unfortunately missed out a whole cupboard full so when I opened it expecting it to be empty, there were mums clothes still hanging there, was horrible.
ssd hope you have recovered a bit after getting upset at cruse. D you feel any better for it ?
tweety sorry just realised I didn't reply to you . What a traumatic time in your life that must of been, I hope you have been able to continue to go on and have a happy life despite what happened.
agnesmum I hope that today went as you wanted it to go and that you coped with it all ok, it is the most awful time isn't it, feels almost unreal. Thinking of you.
thanks for everyone on this thread and a hug for everyone who needs one

I am okay smile they are by no means professional standard so dont be expecting the kind of thing you get in debenhams haha.

I am raging tonight amazon are arsing me something chronic over a preorder i did for stepson and im in a foul mood about mums anniversary coming up.when people talk about marking the day it really pisses me off, i wanted to celebrate her birthday because that is what we would of done, i do not in any way shape or form want to celebrate or mark the day that she got took away from us. In other news I am spending money like its going out of fashion on christmas, cant wait to see their faces though i was hardly a part of christmas last year i just couldnt be arsed and was ill from being in hospital too so had left most of it to dp. it was most bizarre, this year i am claiming it back!

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:21:10

That's the spirit, start getting your life back again. I think Xmas will be ok for me this year, that is not to say I won't feel sad about mum not being here, that will always be the case, but I think that this year I may enjoy it a bit more.im sure the little robins will be lovely , who wants perfect, it's enough that you have taken the trouble to do them. I don't care if they have 3 legs !!

Haha, i might make a three legged one..

i have to make a batman stocking for ds friend, not sure ill pull that one off. the kids were opening presents last year and i was thinking what the hell is that i didnt buy that then i remembered that dp had done most of the shopping. i think we will always feel sad and like a part of christmas is missing, i know i will i spent every christmas day a few hours with mum but i dont want my dc to grow up thinking christmas was miserable because i couldnt be bothered that would be so hard for me to take. and plus mum would be furious and she wasnt someone that you wanted to annoy. someone stole my wheelie bin this morning! but ive just been outside and theyve brought it back. my estate is so weird.

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:33:23

People do steal weird things. Yes like you I also spent time with mum on Xmas day. Even if she wasnt coming here that day. Dh and I always went up about 9am so she could open her presents. with someone there. She just wouldn't open one single thing until I got there, she loved it and she always had lads of gifts from all of us, plus from her friends and grandchildren.i must go through my cards and find which one i will put up this year from mum, I am so glad I kept them all.

i keep all of our cards and the childrens cards from family, dp thinks im odd but i stick with it. you never know when it might be the last thing you had from that person. i think it is a different kind of happy now. you are still happy but you are never quite the same.

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:39:08

You are f the same mindset as me regarding the cards, I keep all family cards too and others if they are really elderly, just in case, I even have the last birthday card my sister sent me and she died in 1989. Horribly I throw dh,s family ones away !!!

i think it is just how you think, there is a whole box full of cards dp would throw out if he could. he is very much memories are in your head kind of person

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:42:20

I def will never be the same, ever. I will miss her till I shuffle off myself. In the beginning even my own children weren't enough to make me feel any happiness at all. I was consumed with my mum dying and my grief. I don't knw how others who have no siblings / family or friends cope with it, it must be terrible for them.

mummylin Mon 11-Nov-13 22:44:03

Well I think females are a bit more sentimental than most men. Dh couldn't care less about any cards. Was going to say something else but I've forgotten what I was going to say !

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