Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

(1000 Posts)
mummylin Wed 11-Sep-13 12:47:05

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

mummylin Thu 12-Sep-13 21:18:50

We. Will all be keeping everything crossed that your results are not as bad as you fear . What an awful worry for you all as a family. I guess the worrying part is one of the worst, not knowing what you may have to face. Hope fully you will be fine .

Badvoc Thu 12-Sep-13 21:35:25

Thinking of you marshy x

mummylin Fri 13-Sep-13 16:41:29

Thinking of you all today, have had a happy time with my sis and the little twins ! Off to a show tonight with my dd, take care everyone , be kind to yourselves

BlueCat83 Fri 13-Sep-13 19:07:40

Hi everyone, I lost my dad a week ago today.. It's the funeral on Monday and it makes it all so final... I don't want it to come round, I enjoy seeing him at the funeral directors and dont want that to end. My dad had Alzheimer's for the last six years.. I'm just looking for some words of wisdom from others who have been through it... Hope I've not just butted in xx

Marshy Fri 13-Sep-13 20:17:20

Hi bluecat
So sorry for your loss and of course you haven't butted in. You will find lots of support here and people who can understand a little of what you are going through.
My mum died in April and had also suffered with dementia. It is a cruel illness.
I hope the funeral goes ok for you. It does feel final, yes, but I think it's a really important part of the process of dealing with what has happened.
It must feel so raw for you at the moment. I do feel for you.
Please come back here at any time and share your thoughts if that would be helpful. It usually doesn't take too long to get a reply and there are some truly lovely people on this thread.
Sending you strength to get through the next few days..

officelady Fri 13-Sep-13 20:49:03

Hello everyone, just thought I'd pop in and say hi. I didn't post much on the last thread but I do think of you all and it is reassuring to know that this place is here for us (special thanks to mummylin!).
My mum died just over a year ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. In many ways it gets harder as time goes on - I feel like she is getting further away, which makes me sad.
I had my first disagreement with dh over mum last week, we were talking about Christmas and I said I wanted to spend it with dad, he muttered "great - I suppose this is how it's going to be from now on" and I lost it with him. There is no way I am going to leave my dad on his own at Christmas! He lives 200+ miles away and he can't come to us because he lives on a farm & can't leave the animals. Also there's my uncle (mum's brother) who has no family and would always go to mum and dad's for Xmas dinner so I wouldn't want him to be alone either. Anyway I have put my foot down so we are going to spend Xmas with dad and my uncle, and dh can just lump it.
Badvoc I wish you well with your claim against the GP. My mum saw her doctor a couple of days before she died, with nausea and chest pain, and was told there was nothing wrong with her. She actually said they made her feel like she was wasting their time. She also died of a heart attack. I am really angry with the doctor but my dad doesn't want to pursue it so I have to respect his wishes.
Anyway I have rambled on for long enough. Take care everyone x

Badvoc Fri 13-Sep-13 21:22:13

Bluecat...i am very sorry for your loss. It will be 7 weeks tomorrow that we lost dad and it seems so much longer. I expected some closure after the funeral and didn't get it so dont be disappointed/upset if that doesn't happen. I will be thinking of you on Monday x
Lady...oh, god, Xmas! I can't even think about it. Your dad and uncle are very lucky to have you. I am so sorry about your mum. And about the way the gp made her feel x
So...mum was taken back into hospital last night sad my sis and I got back at 5am this morning. She has been dx with unstable angina. Some of her meds have been tripled, some doubled. She has been having chest pain every day and not telling us. She was discharged at 7pm and is now home.
I could weep, if I weren't so tired sad
Love to all x

MovingForward0719 Fri 13-Sep-13 22:53:52

Hi Bluecat my dad died of dementia last December. It was a very strange time. A bit like two people had died. The person he was before the illness and the person he turned into. I felt great relief when he died. He had been diagnosed 5 years earlier but was going downhill all last year. The truly awful bit was only about 12 weeks when he was in hospital and I'm glad it was no longer. I don't think I've really taken in everything that happened, you go into a different mode when someone is ill that long. Not sure if this helps?

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 01:19:33

Not been home very long , but will reply to everyone tomorrow , as you can see its very late now, would just like to say to badvocthat I'm sorry your mum had to go to hospital once again. To the newcomers. Sorry to see you here but welcome to our thread, I hope you will find some comfort here

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 09:46:36

bluecat sorry that you too are having to go through this very sad time. I think the funeral is an ordeal but surprisingly it sometimes turns out not as dreadful as we anticipate. This may be due to being surrounded by family members and friends who somehow give us a bit of strength at this time it is afterwards when everyone has gone home and we are then left to deal with it that things can get so painful and lonely. This is where we can try and help you get through as RL help and support seems to dry up.
Of course it's an awful day and full of sadness but its something that we have to get through.
I understand that you get comfort from going to see your dad. I did too with my mum because in a way I felt she was still here . I saw my mum for the last time about 2 hours before the funeral and this hit me hard knowing I couldn't see her again.this was the final time.
I hope you do have RL support and hope that Monday will be bearable for you. Do come back and post whenever you need a few listening ears. We have all been where you are and are all at different stages. But it helps so much to speak to like minded people who know how it is
officelady I understand what you mean by the timeline thing. The longer away that day gets its longer since we have seen our mum/ dad and that is vey upsetting.In a few weeks it will be two whole years for me am I still feel like it is recent. Although the terrible actual physical pain I felt has now gone.of course you don't want to leave your poor dad alone and I think that your dh should be able to understand this. Good for you on sticking to your plans to include your dad and your uncle.what is it with some dh, s who appear at times to be so bloody selfish and can't see how it is for other people besides themselves.
badvoc I would imagine you are now extremely worried about your mum as its now 2/3 times in the past two months your mum has been taken to hospital. What have they said about her this time ? It must be a constant worry for you along with everything else you have going on at the moment. Hope things are better with your dh. You need his support at this time , my god you have so much going on, I don't know how you can cope with it all.

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 10:04:01

movingforward I understand what you say about losing your dad twice over.it must of been very distressing, but I do in a way also understandand the relief after seeing your dad decline so much. None of us wants to see our loved ones suffer, it must be I credibly painfull to watch a loved one change so much, I didnt have that as mum died unexpectedly.

Badvoc Sat 14-Sep-13 10:21:39

Hi Lin.
Dh has let me have a lie in and I am just up!
Poor ds2 wants to play. I just want a cup of tea and to sit quietly sad
I will go and see mum later. I am so furious with her!
Everything is such a mess. The house is a tip. Ironing pile getting huge...god I'm so tired.
Dh off to do the grocery shop. He won't let me do an online order as he feels it costs too much...never mind I do it because its easier!
Feel very low.
Ds2 is still coughing but fine in himself. He should be back at school on Monday.
7 weeks today sad

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 10:43:38

Where have the last few weeks gone. I remember your first post very clearly then your subsequent one about your mum. It seems to of steadily got worse for you. Instead of any better, glad that you managed to get a lie in today. I would think you are mentally and physically exhausted.has your mum been taking her medication ? Why is she still having pain. She probably thinks she is stopping you from worrying by not saying anything when in fact it's the exact opposite. But she is in a strange place too with the loss of your dad and now the worry of her sister . Hope you soon have brighter days ahead, glad your ds recovering from his chest infection now.

Marshy Sat 14-Sep-13 11:15:03

badvoc so sorry to hear about your mum again. Could you get some help in to get the house straight? When my mum's flat got like this I hired someone from a cleaning company and spent the day with her whilst mum was in hospital getting it all sorted. She did the work really and I just identified what needed doing and helped out a bit. It didn't cost a fortune.
After that we gradually arranged for mum to have carers coming in, although she always resisted that.
I can remember being so cross with her as I had so much to do and it seemed as if she just wasn't bothering, but looking back I can see that she just wasn't up to it.
I hope things improve for you soon.
I am surrounded by packing as dd off to uni tomorrow. Just going out to buy her a hairdryer as we have realised that she always uses mine!
mummylin what show did you see? Did you have a good time?

Badvoc Sat 14-Sep-13 11:16:25

It's just so relentless ATM.
I know other people are dealing with terrible things too and I should be gratefully for small mercies but I am struggling to keep positive.
It's my ds2s b day on 25th and he had requested a family tea party. Except we aren't all going to be there, are we? sad
I have ordered the food, got the card, discussed his gift with dh...but I just can't summon up any enthusiasm. Poor ds2 sad
And Xmas! God, I can't bear to think about it!
Mum will be here or at my sisters over Xmas and new year (either/or) so we will be at home I think. Not feeling very festive but must make the effort for the dc. My dad loved Xmas. He was like a big kid. I miss him so much. So much.

Badvoc Sat 14-Sep-13 11:18:41

Marshy...gosh, what a bittersweet day for you tomorrow will be! I am sure you are very proud smile

Marshy Sat 14-Sep-13 11:19:40

oh, just re-reading your post I think I might have got it wrong re the tip! Sorry blush

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 11:21:26

I went to see a show that comes here every summer. It tours round the different towns . It's called " that'll be the day " and it's a mixture of 60,s 70,s and 80,s music. They change the show every year and if you .like music, which I do, it's fab. We had a really good time and went to a pub for some dinner first, just me and my dd. was even better because dh treated us both for show and dinner ! It's 3 hrs of non stop music !

Marshy Sat 14-Sep-13 11:24:58

Yes, very proud and pleased for her, but I have struggled with the thought of her going. Seems like another loss although obviously very different. Just dealing with practicalities today, will take her to uni tomorrow with all her stuff and say goodbye (gulp) and then hospital appointment for results on Monday....

Marshy Sat 14-Sep-13 11:27:34

Sounds fab mummylin. I love music too. Hopefully will be seeing some London shows with dd as she is heading that way.
Off to do stuff now. Will check in later

Hi all, sorry i havent been around much today been very busy this week. how is everyone doing,sorry to see newcomers to the thread and those old faces ( in mn speak not that any of you are old) that have had bad news or are struggling with things. I am muddling along okay have been feeling pretty strong lately but know its the small things that make the difference and the next few months will be hard for me to remember

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 21:02:39

Would you believe that X factor reduced me to tears tonight. First of all a young man sang the song we had at mums funeral. Then a girl singer came in and sang "run" and these words just made me sob
* even if you cannot hear my voice , ill be right beside you dear" that just summed it up for me and made me so sad

I sobbed at her, not for the song but because of her running out to her mum who was waiting to give her a hug. god id sacrifice so much to have that just once more

mummylin Sat 14-Sep-13 21:58:37

That's strange we were both affected by the same singer! But I was due a good cry. Been building up for a while, and dh is out and I just had a weird few minutes, feel a bit heavy hearted at the minute, but better than I felt in those an hour ago . Hope you have cheered up too

Marshy Sat 14-Sep-13 23:20:09

mummylin you are always so upbeat and supportive of others. Hug for you tonight xx

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