Please join us here if you have lost a parent and need support (3)

(1000 Posts)
mummylin Wed 11-Sep-13 12:47:05

Well here we are again on a brand new thread,hopefully we can all move on a bit to a more accepting phase in our lives.

i am still in the same not so cheerful mood as yesterday, it is so annoying to get moaned at for being miserable. i know fb isnt really the place but when you dont have many people to talk to it can get your thoughts outside of your head in a sense. i so wish i had the balls to say well actually im upset because ive spent the day sat with your mum who was breaking her heart that her youngest child isnt alive to celebrate her birthday and her other two children couldnt give a flying feck that she cries daily, she hardly ever goes out unless its with me or my sister and she says she feels she has no family apart from us now.
i know what you mean though people just dont think before they type , i dont have many people on there but i think it will dwindle even more now! i dont think it would be so bad to get rid of the cross, i have a memory garden for mum where the little things i buy or have that can go outside do it looks nice in summer.

Badvoc Sat 12-Oct-13 09:03:36

Oh ssd and SM...I'm so sorry. What heartlessness. And so much worse when it's close family.
The weather here today matches my mood perfectly...I.e: miserable!
Dh and I are wrapping Xmas gifts today. I am not doing it all myself this year as I have every other year!!

thats nice, i always end up wrapping everything other than my own!, i am terrible at gift wrapping but it covers the present so i see that as a bonus smile ive got loads bought already but no wrapping paper so its hidden away.

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 09:54:39

I always dread Christmas and New Year. Even seeing the threads about it on here make me wince. It just feels so lonely. We have no grandparents to share it with, actually we've only had my mum for years and she was very old. Everyone else I know spends time with in laws, brothers and sister, mums or dads and we just don't have any. I always make it special for the kids but I just carry an ache around with me at that time of year. I just want some family that cares for me and my kids. The only ones who did were my mum (and dad if he'd been here.) I don't tell anyone how I feel but I've felt this way for years. Everyone at work talks about the family all getting together on Christmas day or having new year parties with loads of aunties and cousins etc. Its just so lonely, I hate it. I save up all year to make Xmas as special as I can for my kids and they don't get present from anyone else but us. I don't swap presents with friends, I used to as this gave my kids another present, but all my friends have lots of extended family around and they eventually told me they couldn't afford to swap presents with me as they'd so many family members to buy for. TBH now the kids are getting older they might not miss it, but it really hurts me they have nothing from anyone else. Last year I went to Thomas cook to price up a holiday away at this time of year but the prices were sky high and we'd never be able to go. I used to take the kids to the panto or the carnival but they are too old now and refuse to go! And going for bracing walks is the last thing teenagers want to do!

mummylin Sat 12-Oct-13 10:27:56

Oh * ssd* I can't imagine being in your position. I realise I am so lucky having lots of siblings and my own family too. We do spend Xmas together and despite having all my siblings and partners, my own children and grandchildren , we all still buy for each other. But in saying that I don't think all my siblings buy for each other. But all my siblings buy for me and my dh. Not for my children now they are adults and have their own children. It is expensive as there are a lot of us , but we all still enjoy a family Xmas , although of course all my siblings have their own family and spend the actual day with them.
On Boxing Day I have open house and anyone is welcome to pop in either for a drink or to eat
I can't imagine being in your position and how sad it is for your children not to have anymore family to treat them at xmas time.
My mum loved Xmas and would wait for me and dh to go to her house early on Xmas morning to watch her open her gifts from all the family, luckily I have lots of photos of that. Then depending which house she was going to she would get ready and wait for someone to come and pick her up. She was always here or at one of my brothers for Boxing Day too.
I at the moment have my dd and her family here for Xmas day as she has already invited herself ! Maybe my son and his family too, I don't mind who is here really as long as I have prior notice, I don't invite my kids, they invite themselves !!!

Badvoc Sat 12-Oct-13 10:37:06

Ssd...I didn't realise your dc were older...it's difficult with teenagers I imagine...as you say, they dint want to go to panto or for the Xmas day yomp across the fields.
No idea what we are doing this year tbh...need to get together with my sis and discuss it really. Mum will need to be with one of us over Xmas or new year.
I do a Boxing Day open house thing in the afternoon...if you lived near me you could come ssd! smile

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 10:52:12

I'd love to come! or to mummylins house, they both sound lovely!

theres nothing I can do about it, I cant knit family up.

I try to keep everyone cheerful and "up", but its so hard with no one there to see/visit etc

mummylin Sat 12-Oct-13 11:01:15

You would be welcome to pop in ssd if you lived near to me. Is there a show of Any sort on in your town that you could all go to over the Xmas holiday, any sort of pop show eg

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 11:11:06

no mummylin, they don't like anything like that! I used to plan loads to give us stuff to do, but they want to do stuff with us less and less.....I also save up Tesco vouchers so we can afford a nice meal out, but its a long holiday to pass......I remember last new year, I was on fb and was really upset, I just wanted to talk to someone who felt like family, I talked to my relative who lives abroad about how much I was missing my mum and feeling alone, she started saying never mind you will have grandchildren soon and you'll feel better then, FGS, my eldest was 13!!! Best to just keep it to myself now.

mummylin Sat 12-Oct-13 11:34:45

ssdi have no plans for New Year's Eve and I promise if I am home. I will come on here and chat to you !

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 11:42:00

thanks! x

im always around on new year smile we can have an online party (y) i live in the arse of nowhere where nothing exciting is planned!

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 11:47:48

will look forward to it grin x

cant share food/wine but can certainly try to come up with some witty banter :D

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 11:54:29

or failing that some drunken ramblings with the odd sniff thrown in x

Yep, last year i was desperate to go to sleep but then 5yo ds was still up at half past 1 buzzing about.

ssd Sat 12-Oct-13 12:01:20

my 2 are up way longer than me too, I'm always the first to go to bed here

Badvoc Sat 12-Oct-13 13:47:28

I am always around on New Year's Eve...we didn't go out even before kids smile
We should have a virtual new year party - and hope for a better year for all of us next year x

t875 Sat 12-Oct-13 21:39:28

Ill try and be around to jump in and have a few nibbles and a glass if wine as we do get busy with it we play games and chat and watch tv! X

t875 Sun 13-Oct-13 14:21:29

Biscuits!?! !?! Have pm'd you!!! X

mummylin Sun 13-Oct-13 14:21:56

I am so angry today. My ds had his van broken into last night and had some of his tools stolen. Makes me sick there's are such scum around to take someone's work tools. He had to go and buy some more this morning before he could finish off our bathroom. Hope the thieves cut their own hands off when they use them ! Not sure what it was they took but it's all things he needs for his tiling .

Badvoc Sun 13-Oct-13 14:24:13

Oh Lin, how awful. They are indeed scum. Is your ds insured for the tools?

mummylin Sun 13-Oct-13 14:31:14

I'm not sure, but I do know he can claim against his tax as he is self employed, could of been worse, luckily a lot of his stuff was here because he is tiling our bathroom at the moment. It just makes me so angry when he works so bloody hard and some thieving bastard just helps themselves to his stuff. Once before they took all his tools from the house he was working in ! My kids may be adult but I still feel it if someone does something against them.

t875 Sun 13-Oct-13 14:57:27

Lets hope karma bites they right on the arse mummylin. What Bas*****! Hope it doesn't hamper things too much to move forward what you need too. x

We went to Brand hatch today to watch British Touring Cars as we love it, but we have come back after the first race, it was pouring, we were soaked and couldn't see for umbrellas! Although i was sporting a really classy plastic HONDA poncho! lol in the warm now watching it on TV.
We had a spooky thing happen, dh dad loved motor racing and also was heavily involved in brandhatch, we were kind of talking about him last night and saying please shine down on the weather etc. (dh dad has passed over) anyway, as we were driving home a car went passed us with DAD as part of the number plate which i found spooky! We just said 'hello nice to know your around smile

I spoke to my bereavement Councillor on the phone very quickly as the last two weeks have been a dark ol corridor for me..i think my mums birthday and my daughters birthday of turning 13 really tipped me over the edge, she would have been in the thick of all of it and so excited. Missed her loads. Was good to talk to the lady again, she gave me great advise. Ive been very stressed and angry too. I now know what friends are there for me and what friends aren't and that's the way it is. Ive got soul mates some friends and some aquantices.. Soul mates are people that listen to you and feel your pain, this forum we are soul mates x

fuming for you mummylinn! some parcels and post has been going missing lately and i am raging so i can deffo get that you are feeling karma needing to bite them on the backside.

This thread is not accepting new messages.