Loss of parents-in-law has hit me hard but not sure how to grieve

(3 Posts)
anatouskia Mon 09-Sep-13 18:45:35

First post here, although I read a lot. Hello everyone

I've been with DH for ten years and married for five. We live close to where he grew up and miles from my family in the North. We spent a lot of time with his parents and I became very close to both of them.

My father-in-law died in 2010 and my mother-in-law just a few months ago, each from a different kind of cancer. They were relatively young and should have been around for many more years. DH and I are both devastated but because they were "in laws" I have found some people don't understand my grief. I don't have as much "claim" to it as my DH but I loved them too - sometimes I feel I am coping less well than he is.

Is there anyone out there who has been through this? How can I get myself back on track when no-one seems to understand or expect that I am grieving?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 09-Sep-13 19:11:33

You love their son so his grief would affect you, and if you were on your own terms close then yes of course you would miss them and regret their passing. A family death is a sad reminder that as we all age so the generations diminish and grow and our own family won't be immortal.

Personally I don't think it's up to anyone else to decree how deeply or for how long you mourn another. It's not a competition. You feel how you feel. In a period post-loss emotions may still run high. If these are inlaws expressing surprise at your strength of feeling, be sensitive, talk to DH. If friends or colleagues or neighbours you definitely don't owe them an explanation.

The only time to be concerned would be if you became incapacitated or depressed by prolonged grief unable to carry out normal tasks or ignored the needs of those remaining you are close to.

wifeymerrick Wed 11-Sep-13 23:29:35

Hey my FIL died almost 5 years ago and I miss him every day ! He was a wonderful man and died so suddenly it's still unreal ! Our saddest thing is after 3 failed ivf cycles we fell pregnant on the 4th just weeks after he died so he never knew our miracle boy ! I cry often for John and and find it hard when anniversaries and birthdays come and go....my DH talks often of his dad to our son and I know it means a lot to him that I felt so strongly about his dad....in my humble opinion ur feelings are perfectly normal and actually pretty loving....hope u r ok x x

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