The last time I saw him was 8 years ago. Lots of family were estranged from him as he wasn't an easy man to get on with. Very cantankerous and awkward, managed to alienate many people who WANTED to be there. Since his funeral I've been wracked with grief which tbh I never bargained for. I wish I'd have been there more, checked in on him more, tried as deep down he was my grandad and he would have been worth it. I don't expect any replies, I'm just letting go now.
Sorry to hear of your loss OP... We are burying our grandfather on Sat, and it's so desperately sad. I don't think (most) circumstances change the bond between grandparents / grandchildren. It's just so special and unique... I hope you can start to be a little kinder on yourself soon, best wishes. AB