Have just lost my baby at 25 weeks

(188 Posts)
Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 12:49:40

I am sat with my hubby in hospital and have just been told that baby has died, there is no heartbeat.

I haven't really cried although my hubby is in bits. They are about to give me a tablet which will get things going to induce labour.

This was my first pregnancy. I think I may be in shock cos all I can think of is the practical things. Like cancelling the furniture order which is being delivered on Wednesday. Yesterday we did a massive shop, ordered a travel system, bought bedding, a cuddly toy etc. I have just cancelled an Asda order due for delivery where I had bought some nappies and sudocream etc.

The thing I am dreading is telling the rest of my family and my friends. I hate pity and I hate people feeling sorry for me. My family are all going to want to come round and I don't think I want to see them just yet.

I am scared about how I'm going to feel in the following months. It took us 18 months to conceive. Am I right in thinking I will get full maternity leave as baby is going to be classed as stillborn rather than miscarriage? One of my best friends at work is pregnant. And another has just had her baby.

What am I going to do with all the baby clothes I have bought? sad

Please say a prayer for us.
Any advice on coping is appreciated x

PollyLogos Sun 25-Aug-13 18:56:53

I am so very sorry, you and your husband will be in my thoughts.

Doobydoo Sun 25-Aug-13 19:11:42

As an ex neonatal and paediatric nurse and also having friends who have experienced still birth I know hundreds of peoplewho have carried and delivered healthy babies!...there will be plenty of people on here to tell you their experiences and to give you advice.xxxx

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 25-Aug-13 20:23:09

Big Hugs
x

There are quite a few posters on MN who have gone on to have another baby after a stillbirth. Hopefully some of them will see your thread and feel able to talk to you. One of them I remember very well had had a lot of trouble getting pregnant the first time (I think about 3 years) but got pregnant within a few months the next time - pretty much as soon as they started trying again, so no, it doesn't mean it will take you a long time again, once you are ready.

Everyone is different, there isn't any normal or any 'right' way to grieve or to go forward from this - just listen to your hearts and follow them.

Lots of love
x

miemohrs Sun 25-Aug-13 20:45:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bazoo23 Sun 25-Aug-13 21:01:27

I am so sorry. There are no words. Thinking of you and your precious angel tonight.

My friend had a little girl early last year at 27 weeks born sleeping, no explanation. She now has a three week old son, she was scanned monthly and induced a week early purely as a precaution and everything went fine.

Prayers and hugs.

Katie6391 Sun 25-Aug-13 22:53:10

I am currently hibernating after losing my baby at 12+5 weeks a week ago. I am so so sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself and do whatever feels right each day and take each day at a time. Give yourself time for your body to recover, you have been through a lot. My thoughts are with you and please don't lose hope that you will have a baby soon.

LaydeeJayne Sun 25-Aug-13 23:00:38

Wishing you lots of strength to get through this xx

imip Sun 25-Aug-13 23:08:13

I could have written your post almost 8 years ago op. I lost my first baby at 25 weeks after taking 18 months to fall pregnant.

Don't worry if you are focussing on the practical things, your just doing what you need to do to cope.

I didn't read the full thread as I only have a short window to post, but take lots of photos and spend as much time as you can with your precious baby.

Like you two close friends were pregnant. It was hard, they didn't understand, we are no longer in contact. Some people are great at understanding, others suck.

Sands were my lifeline when I lost my daughter. I still am in contact with friends I made though sands all that time ago.

I have gone on to have 4 healthy dds. They do not diminish how much I love my first daughter. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her.

Wishing you peace over the coming minutes, hours, days and weeks ((xxx)))

imip Sun 25-Aug-13 23:08:50

Sorry, yes you are entitled to maternity leave.

BeaWheesht Sun 25-Aug-13 23:14:30

I'm so sorry for your loss

Nessalina Sun 25-Aug-13 23:23:17

So sorry for your loss, it's just an awful thing to happen thanks
You are entitled to full maternity leave and maternity pay, so definitely take your time and be kind to yourself. Glad to hear you have a lovely supportive family xx

bluebump Sun 25-Aug-13 23:38:01

I'm so sorry to hear this. I too lost my first baby, I was 22 weeks pregnant, he lived for less than 10 minutes. I second the posts above that said take photos and spend as much time with your baby as you want.

I went on to have a healthy DS 12 months later.

I hope the coming few days go as well as they can, I'll be thinking of you xx

TaytoCrisp Mon 26-Aug-13 00:47:40

Oh sleep, this is dreadful, I am so sorry and am thinking of you and your husband.

You may be asked whether you would like a photo taken of your baby; footprints and a memory box (eg with hospital wrist band, certificate showing birth date, little knitted hat etc). I would recommend agreeing To this - it is better to have these things to remember your little one - even if you are still in shock and not sure about anything.

I think it is important to look after yourself and your partner now - it is totally understandable if you don't want many visitors.

You should be entitled to maternity leave (I think it comes into effect from 24 weeks on)

It will be really hard coming across anything you have brought for the baby...although the odds are still in your favour of having a baby in the future ( don't lose hope) it is still so difficult with other pregnant people as they remind you of your terrible loss.

I would be very gentle with yourself with regard to seeing pregnant friends etc. take your time before visiting and don't feel you have to go - your friends should understand.

Take care my friend. I am thinking of you.

DaleyBump Mon 26-Aug-13 00:55:07

Oh sleep sad

I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. I have no advice but here's a hand to hold flowers

I am so sorry that this is happening to you xx
I lost my first baby at 24 weeks, he was stillborn too. His 8th birthday is coming up soon. I then went on to have 2 children, now aged 6 and 3. I was well supported during subsequent pregnancies.
I recommend the SANDS forum as a place to find others. It was my lifeline.
I only really had clothes but I kept them in the drawer they were in. My baby's little brother and sister wore them as they would have done had he lived. It gave me comfort to use those things.
Please take lots of photos of your baby. I never thought to and only have 2 polaroids of him on his own. I wish I had more.
Be kind to yourself. And yes, you get maternity leave rights at 25 weeks. I only had a few weeks off but that was mainly because I couldn't face being alone so went back early.

Sleepathon Mon 26-Aug-13 06:21:01

Another day beckons!

Up quite early said a few prayers for my little angel. One thing this has done has brought me and DH together. We both climbed into bed and watched tv and talked till very late last night.

Mum is coming round again today I'm looking forward to it. Have discussed funeral etc. We are going to get him buried at the same cemetery my little sister is at (mum had a stillbirth 20+ odd years ago). He is called Ibrahim by the way :-)

Already starting to feel not pregnant, it's wierd. Bump doesn't feel as full and my pregnancy acne is clearing!! Must be the tablets and falling hormones?

Just thinking about work. I may be better taking sick leave and see how I get on from there. Does anybody know if this will be possible or will I have to have maternity leave? it will be something to speak to my boss about.

Thankyou all for your words and prayers. It is nice hearing happy stories and eventualities. We are definitely going to get hand and foot prints. And keep a little memories box with his scan pictures etc.

sparklingstars Mon 26-Aug-13 06:26:56

I am so sorry. Use all the help that is offered and do what you need to do for your husband. Remember that a hug can be worth a thousand words when you don't know what to say to each other.
Be kind to yourself.

sparklingstars Mon 26-Aug-13 06:27:26

I hit send to soon 'do what you need to do for your husband and you' was what I meant.

Happydust Mon 26-Aug-13 06:31:05

I am so so sorry for your loss, words can't help at this time.
Huge prayers for you all xxxx

twinsister Mon 26-Aug-13 06:33:47

what a gorgeous name. Thinking of you and your family and the beautiful boy you've lost. x

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Mon 26-Aug-13 06:35:33

Ibrahim is a beautiful name.

Themarriedwoman Mon 26-Aug-13 06:40:02

I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son, Ibrahim.
I lost my first and then went on to have three. I also received such excellent support.
I wish you peace and strength.

imip Mon 26-Aug-13 07:34:06

Please take maternity leave. I believe if you take sick leave you will lose your rights to maternity leave. It's better to take a bit too much leave than not enough. You'll need more time than you think you may need at the moment, if that makes sense...

If anyone tells you are not entitled to maternity leave, they are wrong. The sands website has all the info. Your partner is also eligible for 2 weeks parental leave. The a look around the sands website, it gives a lot of information for parents (because you are a parent) in your position. If you have a special blanket, you could take that to swaddle ibrahim with.

Sands also have some pregnancy after loss groups, which may help you once you've had a chance to clear your head and contemplate the next steps.

Keep focussing on the practical, get your head around what you can while you can. I hope that makes sense. Before my daughter was born, I was serene. Serene in labour even. Medical staff did not think I had grasped my daughter had died. Of course I had, but I was with her only a short safe of time and I made the most of it.

In the coming period of time, question your drs for reasons. Car e in a future pregnancy etc. I know this sounds daft, but it gives you something practical to focus on.

My thoughts are with you. Ibrahim is a beautiful name. I'll try to check this thread throughout the day, so feel free to ask any questions.

Ps, during labour, I was offered a number of drugs that would have clearly altered my state of mind eg, morphine, heroin (yes, seriously). I had an epidural. If like me, you hadn't thought seriously about what labour would entail, it was all a bit of a shock. I chose an epidural so I would remain coherent and spend the best possible time I could with my daughter.

MortifiedAdams Mon 26-Aug-13 08:21:54

Another one seconding Maternity Leave.

Please take this instead of sick leave. Then you aee not worrying about length of time.off etc.

RufousBartleby Mon 26-Aug-13 08:42:52

OP, Im so sorry for the loss of your precious boy. My sister went through similar and though it will be with her for the rest of her life she went on to have two healthy children.
Please take maternity leave though, you are going to be on an emotional rollercoaster and the real lows might come later than you expect. You should take all the time you need with no pressure.
A hug and a prayer for you, dh and your dear boy.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now