Have just lost my baby at 25 weeks

(188 Posts)
Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 12:49:40

I am sat with my hubby in hospital and have just been told that baby has died, there is no heartbeat.

I haven't really cried although my hubby is in bits. They are about to give me a tablet which will get things going to induce labour.

This was my first pregnancy. I think I may be in shock cos all I can think of is the practical things. Like cancelling the furniture order which is being delivered on Wednesday. Yesterday we did a massive shop, ordered a travel system, bought bedding, a cuddly toy etc. I have just cancelled an Asda order due for delivery where I had bought some nappies and sudocream etc.

The thing I am dreading is telling the rest of my family and my friends. I hate pity and I hate people feeling sorry for me. My family are all going to want to come round and I don't think I want to see them just yet.

I am scared about how I'm going to feel in the following months. It took us 18 months to conceive. Am I right in thinking I will get full maternity leave as baby is going to be classed as stillborn rather than miscarriage? One of my best friends at work is pregnant. And another has just had her baby.

What am I going to do with all the baby clothes I have bought? sad

Please say a prayer for us.
Any advice on coping is appreciated x

Silverfoxballs Sun 25-Aug-13 13:44:17

I'm very sorry for you op, I lost a pg at 14 weeks and it is very hard.
I had to get my DH to tell family and then shut myself away for a few weeks.

I will say a prayer for your beautiful baby and you and your DH.

FanjoForTheMammaries Sun 25-Aug-13 13:47:24

So sorry to hear this..this happened to my friend very recently, so hard for you

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Sun 25-Aug-13 13:50:30

I'm so sorry flowers

lotsofcheese Sun 25-Aug-13 13:51:22

I'm so very, very sorry that this has happened. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. Just wanted to say that I'll be thinking of you over the next wee while.

countingdown Sun 25-Aug-13 13:52:30

Thoughts are with you.

PicardyThird Sun 25-Aug-13 13:54:10

Oh, you poor darling. I am so very, very sorry for the loss of your baby.

Take things a step at a time. Concentrate now on getting through the labour and delivering your precious child. The rest, sadly, will still be there after that.

Have said a prayer for you.

Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 14:24:36

Thank you all for your kind words.

We have just got home. Don't really know what to do with myself. Feel like I want to clean the house top to bottom. Will phone my mum shortly. She's gonna be devastated! Still haven't really cried and I'm not sure this is normal.

I'm really dreading the labour. I'm dreading the next few days.

PicardyThird Sun 25-Aug-13 15:48:21

Normal is whatever you feel and however you react. I expect you're in shock. Who wouldn't be? flowers Our minds have ways of cushioning us from the impact of the worst when there is still 'business' to be got through. I lost a recognisable baby at home and went to bed emotionless after. I still had to take it in to hospital and submit to an ERPC the next day. For an event that is as devastating as the one you face, there is no one way our psyches process it, because there is no processing really, only survival, and then very slow and stony recovery.

All you can do is look after yourself as much as possible. Perhaps your dh can phone your mum if you don't feel up to it. Again, I am so, so sorry.

Weegiemum Sun 25-Aug-13 15:54:40

I'm so sorry for your loss.
There is no "normal" just now, just do whatever you need to get through.

I worked for Boots in the baby department (when I was a student aeons ago) and if there was ever the need like yours to cancel an order it was dealt with without question, I'm sure you'll be shown compassion.

We will pray for you here xx

Littlepumpkinpie Sun 25-Aug-13 15:56:16

Oh sweetie (((HUGS))) I lost my baby@26 weeks almost 16 years ago she was also born sleeping. One piece of advice hold love and cherish the time you spend with baby once its born. Its the only chance you will get and take pictures lots of them I only have 4 and so wish I had more.
Ok something else your not going to think of but a tiny outfit to fit a 25weeker will be hard to find not anymore there is a lovely lady on fb its called Lisa's stars she has 100's of people all over the UK making tiny outfits for this. Take care thinking of you xxxx

BeQuicksieorBeDead Sun 25-Aug-13 16:10:53

sleep I am so sorry to hear this...my thoughts are with you.

You are entitled to full maternity leave and benefits, as far as I know. That is what I have been told by my employer in the past. Don't worry about work anyway, no one reasonable would expect you to go back anytime soon, and I would advise you to not rush back - I did, and it took me much longer to get over the grief. I thought throwing myself back in to work would help, but I went into a kind of zombie state for months and I was the only one who thought I was coping well - looking back, I did myself no favours. Take your time and be as nice to yourselves as you can.

Oh sleep, I'm so sorry. As others have said, there is no 'normal'. I'm sure you will cry when you need to. Try to look after yourself & your partner & don't ever feel like how your feeling is wrong. X

lucidlady Sun 25-Aug-13 16:17:00

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you x

Libertine73 Sun 25-Aug-13 16:20:05

Oh love, I'm so so sorry xx

It's very normal for it to take a while to hit you. I felt numb for days when it happened to me.
I later described it as a protection mechanism.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey Sun 25-Aug-13 17:00:44

Oh my lovely I am so very sorry xx

Pawprint Sun 25-Aug-13 17:21:51

So very sorry, xx

motherinferior Sun 25-Aug-13 17:33:15

I am so very sorry.

DisappointedHorse Sun 25-Aug-13 17:36:52

I am so sorry. Be kind to yourself and do whatever it takes to get through, people will understand.

BIWI Sun 25-Aug-13 17:43:47

Sorry to hear this. Don't be hard on yourself, and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel. After my miscarriage I felt remarkably calm. But I felt guilty for feeling like that. There is no right or wrong way to feel! But please let other people help you, and let them take care of you

flowers

PrincessKitKat Sun 25-Aug-13 17:47:08

Im so very, very sorry Sleepathon.

I will say a prayer for you and your little one xx

Doobydoo Sun 25-Aug-13 17:52:35

I am so sorry. I have never been through this.My dd was born at 34 weeks and died at 2 weeks.It is a long road.You will get through it....we are all here and your partner and you need to be together and able to grieve.Iam sending love to both of you.xx

Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 18:01:26

Have told close family. Wasn't actually too bad. Me and DH are being very matter of fact. Have cancelled baby furniture set and they've processed refund.
Mum and brother are coming round tonight for a couple of hours. I'm actually looking forward to seeing them.

The only thing that is worrying me is the cause of babys hear stopping. And I wonder if we will conceive again and will we be able to carry term?

I would like to hear of instances where people have had healthy babies after a stillbirth x

Pancakeflipper Sun 25-Aug-13 18:22:53

Hi Sleep

A close friend of ours had a baby stillborn and when they felt able to try again she was pregnant within 3months and their baby/pregnancy had no problems ( she was monitored well and felt well supported overall) and the baby is now a very spirited toddler.

Also a colleague lost her baby at the same stage as you and she has twins now ( conceived naturally).

Do mention these things to the hospital team. They will talk you through things.

AWhistlingWoman Sun 25-Aug-13 18:28:28

Glad that your mum and brother are coming around to support you and your DH.

My baby was not stillborn, she died from complications associated with prematurity, but I did conceive again and carried to term. The care I received from the hospital was very good in my subsequent pregnancy. I'm sure that, when you are ready, you will be able to have a meeting with one of the consultants to talk through what may have happened to your baby and to put a care plan in place for the future?

There is lots of support on the SANDS website for subsequent pregnancies and many stories from parents who have lost a baby under many different circumstances.

My heart goes out to you and your husband, been thinking of you and your family this afternoon.

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