Have just lost my baby at 25 weeks

(188 Posts)
Sleepathon Sun 25-Aug-13 12:49:40

I am sat with my hubby in hospital and have just been told that baby has died, there is no heartbeat.

I haven't really cried although my hubby is in bits. They are about to give me a tablet which will get things going to induce labour.

This was my first pregnancy. I think I may be in shock cos all I can think of is the practical things. Like cancelling the furniture order which is being delivered on Wednesday. Yesterday we did a massive shop, ordered a travel system, bought bedding, a cuddly toy etc. I have just cancelled an Asda order due for delivery where I had bought some nappies and sudocream etc.

The thing I am dreading is telling the rest of my family and my friends. I hate pity and I hate people feeling sorry for me. My family are all going to want to come round and I don't think I want to see them just yet.

I am scared about how I'm going to feel in the following months. It took us 18 months to conceive. Am I right in thinking I will get full maternity leave as baby is going to be classed as stillborn rather than miscarriage? One of my best friends at work is pregnant. And another has just had her baby.

What am I going to do with all the baby clothes I have bought? sad

Please say a prayer for us.
Any advice on coping is appreciated x

cazzybabs Sun 25-Aug-13 12:51:45

So sorry. I think you need to take one day at a time.

Coconutty Sun 25-Aug-13 12:52:56

Sending you lots of love, sorry you are going through this. Xx

wellieboots Sun 25-Aug-13 12:54:26

so so sorry. Sending love, strength and prayers. Take one day at a time xxxthanks

I very sorry for your loss. sad

ThermoBoy Sun 25-Aug-13 12:58:20

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the hospital are giving you good support. Take care of yourselves.

So so sorry, yes I think you do get maternity leave, you will certainly be signed off for a while, as long as you need. Allow maybe your parents to take over with all the practical things, I'm sure they'll want to help. Let people do as much as they can so you and your husband can be together and just concentrate on yourselves.

Much much love to you both xx

somersethouse Sun 25-Aug-13 13:00:17

Very, very sorry. sad

Thinking of you flowers

mumofone25 Sun 25-Aug-13 13:00:21

So very sorry for your loss sad

JuliaScurr Sun 25-Aug-13 13:01:31

Oh God, how awful
I'm so sorry
Have you read 'Why bad things happen to good people'?
It might help you
Take it slowly

Chottie Sun 25-Aug-13 13:02:17

So very, very sorry to read your post. x.

SPBisResisting Sun 25-Aug-13 13:03:16

Shit shit im so sorry. How awful.
Do you uave a good friend you trust who coukd do all the practical stuff - cancelling orders, telling others etc

num3onway Sun 25-Aug-13 13:03:45

Didnt want to read and run

Deffently take one day at a time and focus on keeping yourself as well as possible

BitBewildered Sun 25-Aug-13 13:06:02

So sorry sad.

Perhaps one of your family or friends can sort out the practical stuff tomorrow? They will want to help.

xx

fortyplus Sun 25-Aug-13 13:08:34

So sorry. take one day at a time. Don't shut yourself away from your friends who will want to help and support you. Although you don't like pity you shouldn't try to do this on your own.

You'll never 'get over' what has happened but you will get used to it and be able to feel happiness. Ask someone to look after the things you've bought - you won't want to look at them xxx

WibWoo Sun 25-Aug-13 13:08:35

I am so sorry you are facing this. It must be utterly devastating for you both.
I understand your feelings on not wanting to have others around just yet. I wanted to hibernate for quite some time (mine was an early miscarriage) and I have heard the same from others. Maybe ask your partner or one person from the family to tell the people who knew about the pregnancy if it means you don't have to repeat it. Don't be afraid to tell people if you need some time alone/ don't want to talk at this stage. You can change your mind whenever you want.
Keep writing on this board. There are some wonderful, wise women who will help you through this very sad time. Again, I am so sorry.

Purplefrogshoe Sun 25-Aug-13 13:09:34

So very sorry xx

GaryBuseysTeeth Sun 25-Aug-13 13:11:34

So sorry for your loss. flowers

x

AWhistlingWoman Sun 25-Aug-13 13:16:45

Oh sleep - I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your baby.

You might find the SANDS website helpful. They have some pages about entitlement to rights and benefits here http://www.uk-sands.org/support/rights-and-benefits.html and I think that you will be entitled to full maternity leave from my understanding of the page.

There is also a little section about when your baby dies before birth which you might want to read http://www.uk-sands.org/support/when-a-baby-dies-before-labour-begins.html

Another page I found helpful is Whispered Support http://whisperedsupport.blogspot.co.uk/

I lost my first baby too. I remember being frantically worried about paying the mortgage for some reason, I think that when we are in shock and grieving we sometimes on focus on things that we can control?

Most shops are good about taking baby things back under these circumstances, I kept some of my baby's clothes as keepsakes and they are in a special box of her things, others I gave away and yet more I kept in hope for her younger siblings (who did arrive safe and sound in time).

Being the focus of all that pity can feel unbearable. Just remember to be kind to yourself, if you don't want lots of people around just tell people that you aren't ready yet. Easier said than done I know.

I'm so terribly sorry and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers flowers

AWhistlingWoman Sun 25-Aug-13 13:18:05

Here are the links, so sorry, especially if you are on your phone or at the hospital you won't want to be typing all of that in.

www.uk-sands.org/support/rights-and-benefits.html

www.uk-sands.org/support/when-a-baby-dies-before-labour-begins.html

whisperedsupport.blogspot.co.uk/

MortifiedAdams Sun 25-Aug-13 13:26:29

So so sorry to hear of your loss, and agree woth others. Let your friends and family take care of the practical matters. You and your DP need time and space to greive.

Mine was an early MC, at 11 weeks, and DH and I have not felt sadness like it, amd it seemed to hit in waves.I cant begin to imagine how this will.be for you both but use these Boards as much as you need - they have been a great source of.comfort.

Wrt work - take as much time out as you possibly can. I am in the midst of two and half weeks off, and feel like it will still not be enough. Take as much as you can.

Remember after you get home.to rest as much as is possible. The physical effects of labour are long and pain can be expected for a while aferwards. Have someone do a shop for you to pick up maternity pads, pain killers, easy foods like soup or reasy meals, and I jad bad back ache for a few days after and found the heat pads to really work.

Again, so so sorry. I wish you all the best for the comibg few months xxx

LottieJenkins Sun 25-Aug-13 13:28:30

Dearest sleepathon. I am sending you love and prayers darling. I lost my eldest son Jack at 26 weeks into my pregnancy in 1994. He lived for two hours after he was born and he was baptised by the sister on the SCBU. I was asked if I wanted a picture of him and his hand and footprints which are now kept in a special place. I didn't want to see my family so just my Mum came to see me when I came home. I took our dogs out the next morning and when I got home our GP had been to see me. If you want to talk then please do pm me and I will try and help you. I will remember you all in my prayers. xx xx

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee Sun 25-Aug-13 13:30:19

<<Big Hugs>>

One step at a time, one minute at a time - don't think too far forward right now.

You two are the absolute priority here. Focus on the here and now and supporting each other - everyone and everything else can wait.

When you are up to it, call your Mum. If you have a good relationship she should be the first to know - ask her to let others know and tell her what you want her to tell them (please phone/please don't phone or drop by until next week/don't phone or drop by until I get in touch) - whatever you need people to do or not do - phone any friends you want to talk to and do the same.

Some people like all the 'stuff' left where it is, others ask family and friends to put it all away for them.

Some get rid of everything, some keep everything and some do a bit of both - but try not to think about all that right now.

When you get home, if you don't want people calling in, put a note on the door to say something like 'Sorry, we are having some quiet time, please do not knock'.

Big big hugs & much love at this very very sad time
x

Pancakeflipper Sun 25-Aug-13 13:35:17

Oh Sleep.
Use the help available in the coming days, months, years that Awhistlingwoman has brilliantly provided. There's stories here that will help ( and make you cry) but the support here is amazing. Don't be afraid to ask questions. People are so kind in sharing and helping.

I am so so sorry for you and your husband. Will pray for you and your baby and will be thinking of you.

rosyryan Sun 25-Aug-13 13:36:42

I'm so very, very sorry Sleepathon.

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