My son is 15 today and noone has remembered

(157 Posts)
sosadaboutmyboy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:26:52

Today my little boy is 15.

Its been 15 years since I held him in my arms and promised to love and protect him forever .

Its been 15 years since I saw his beautiful face frowning at me like he was annoyed with me for giving birth to him because he was nice and cosy.

Its been 15 years since I attempted to dress him for the first time and failed miserably because I knew nothing at all about babies, everything fell off him.

Its been 15 years since I knew what unconditional love is, and knew that I could suffer anything for this little person I had made.

It has been 14 years and 7 months since he died and I knew, in that moment my life would never be the same, the sun would shine that bit less brightly and when I am happy there would always be a tinge of sadness too.

He was my life then, he is still part of my every day life now, I have photos all over my house, I took his clothes out of his box earlier and held them to my face, but I can't smell him on them any more, I held his teddy bear close to me and closed my eyes and tried to feel if he was around me, but I couldn't feel him either, I feel like I am in physical pain today which is made all the worse by not one single person remembering, not even my husband (he isn't his dad). Everyone just got up as usual and has been doing their usual things, people have called and asked for favours and had general chit chat, I just want to scream at them all and go and curl up into a little ball until this pain passes.

I don't really know why I am posting, I just want someone to know he is real and he is loved and is never forgotton. I don't get how someone so important to me, and whos death has shaped my whole adult life can just be nothing to those around me. Its like just because he was born and died so long ago that he doesn't matter to anyone else now.

Please feel free to ignore this, I just needed to vent somewhere.

(I namechanged for this just in case someone does recognise me, I have been on MN for a long time)

blondieminx Wed 14-Aug-13 18:23:01

OP you are allowed to be sad and feel pitiful - you were robbed of your child and no parent should ever endure that. Sending you love and strength x

Platinumstart Wed 14-Aug-13 18:39:11

sosad your post re your brother made me cry.

I acknowledge that it can be hard for friends to know how to respond but I wish they understood how unfussy we as parents of lost babies are to the semantics.

I hope your day gas been peaceful

sosadaboutmyboy Wed 14-Aug-13 21:06:45

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

I do feel a little better today. I told dh and he was mortified that he forgot and gave me a much needed hug and I made a cake for my kids and told them too so we had a few tears and hugs and blew out some candles for him and looked through his photos.

Platinum Mumof and filee I'm so sorry that you understand how I feel and thank you for your kindness. flowers

McRoo Wed 14-Aug-13 21:15:41

Happy Birthday, Scott and a huge hug to you.

Xxxx

buzzgirly Thu 15-Aug-13 12:00:30

Happy birthday Scott!

Op I am so sorry that you're boy was taken so soon. I hope you're ok today. Your brother sounds lovely x

GRW Fri 16-Aug-13 20:26:40

I'm sorry no one in RL has remembered, and thank you for telling us about your little boy with his wise brown eyes. It's clear he made a huge impression on the nurses looking after him at the hospital. Thinking of you

ilovecolinfirth Fri 30-Aug-13 07:36:06

Happy belated birthday to you Scott. X

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