My son is 15 today and noone has remembered

(157 Posts)
sosadaboutmyboy Tue 13-Aug-13 18:26:52

Today my little boy is 15.

Its been 15 years since I held him in my arms and promised to love and protect him forever .

Its been 15 years since I saw his beautiful face frowning at me like he was annoyed with me for giving birth to him because he was nice and cosy.

Its been 15 years since I attempted to dress him for the first time and failed miserably because I knew nothing at all about babies, everything fell off him.

Its been 15 years since I knew what unconditional love is, and knew that I could suffer anything for this little person I had made.

It has been 14 years and 7 months since he died and I knew, in that moment my life would never be the same, the sun would shine that bit less brightly and when I am happy there would always be a tinge of sadness too.

He was my life then, he is still part of my every day life now, I have photos all over my house, I took his clothes out of his box earlier and held them to my face, but I can't smell him on them any more, I held his teddy bear close to me and closed my eyes and tried to feel if he was around me, but I couldn't feel him either, I feel like I am in physical pain today which is made all the worse by not one single person remembering, not even my husband (he isn't his dad). Everyone just got up as usual and has been doing their usual things, people have called and asked for favours and had general chit chat, I just want to scream at them all and go and curl up into a little ball until this pain passes.

I don't really know why I am posting, I just want someone to know he is real and he is loved and is never forgotton. I don't get how someone so important to me, and whos death has shaped my whole adult life can just be nothing to those around me. Its like just because he was born and died so long ago that he doesn't matter to anyone else now.

Please feel free to ignore this, I just needed to vent somewhere.

(I namechanged for this just in case someone does recognise me, I have been on MN for a long time)

ChimeForChange Tue 13-Aug-13 18:54:41

Happy birthday to your precious son OP.

Tell us all about him if you'd like to, I'd love to hear x x

sosadaboutmyboy Tue 13-Aug-13 19:03:21

Thank you all for responding, I wasn't really expecting anyone to, I just wanted something, somewhere to make him 'real' again if that makes sense (it probably doesn't).

His name is Scott, not that I ever called him that he was Scott Dot, or Dotty, or Dotalicious, or Wee Man or Shortie or Sparrow Legs (he had the skinniest legs in the world).

He was utterly amazing. He was quite ill when he was born, and he was in hospital for the first 6 weeks of his life, he had to have an operation and was quite poorly, but he charmed everyone who ever met him, the hospital we were at was 100 miles from my hometown and there were 35 staff from the hospital at his funeral. And they all used to pop in on their breaks to see him too.

He was all eyes and feet. He had massive brown eyes a skinny little body and huge feet and a mass of hair so all the photos I have of him remind me of those little sticky fuzzy advertising things you used to get.

I know no one has remembered, I usually remind people a week or so beforehand because I tend to feel really shitty and I didn't this year. It feels a bit fake when I remind people and a bit forced.

I just can't believe its been 15 years, I keep thinking I would still be crying today but he would be moaning at me for being embarrassing, in my mind he will always be this little gorgeous baby with his wise eyes.

I know I am being really self pitying, and I should tell someone in rl, but I just think that I don't want to share it with people who don't care enough to remember.

Thank you all for your lovely words. I can't tell you how much they mean to me xxxx

Crocodilehunter Tue 13-Aug-13 19:05:29

Sorry for your loss OP!
It sounds like your son experienced more love in 5 months than others do in a life time!
What a lucky little boy to have you as his mum.
flowers

JumpingJackSprat Tue 13-Aug-13 19:07:47

Happy birthday to your gorgeous boy xxx

GerardWay Tue 13-Aug-13 19:09:19

I'm so sorry sosad. We lost our beautiful baby boy when he was 4 days old. That was 22 years ago.

It is awful that other family members and friends don't mention your beautiful son anymore. I truly think they 'think' they are doing it out of kindness.

He will always be your beloved baby and son and you will never forget him. flowers and a big hug. X

YoniMatopoeia Tue 13-Aug-13 19:10:44

Scott sounds adorable. So sorry for your loss.

TSSDNCOP Tue 13-Aug-13 19:11:03

Well I now have a lovely impression in my mind of Scott. He was clearly a force in his short time.

You're both in my prayers OP.

flowers

5madthings Tue 13-Aug-13 19:12:10

I am sorry no one has stopped to remember Scott on his birthday sad

Happy birthday for Scott and much love to you sosad xxx

Vinividivino Tue 13-Aug-13 19:12:34

Happy birthday Scott. You clearly touched a lot of people in your life, and there a whole load of MNetters thinking of you and your mummy right now. God bless. X

SunnyIntervals Tue 13-Aug-13 19:13:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yoyoyo Tue 13-Aug-13 19:14:43

X

picnicbasketcase Tue 13-Aug-13 19:15:03

Happy birthday to Scott, you are both in my thoughts. Take care.

IslaValargeone Tue 13-Aug-13 19:15:17

Oh I am sorry they didn't remember.
He sounds so beautiful from your description and like crocodile said, lucky he had you as his mum.

imip Tue 13-Aug-13 19:16:03

Scott sounds beautiful! I'm very sorry that no one remembered his birthday. I understand. I lost my own daughter 7.5 years ago. I can't believe it was that long ago, so I imagine it must feel like 15 years has flown by.

Gentle thoughts coming your way....xxx

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 13-Aug-13 19:16:14

Happy birthday Scott. sosad he sounds like a gorgeous little boy and you sound like a lovely mummy.

Gunznroses Tue 13-Aug-13 19:17:32

Scott happy birthday!!!

Helyantha Tue 13-Aug-13 19:18:42

Happy Birthday Scott flowers

VinegarDrinker Tue 13-Aug-13 19:20:19

Happy birthday Scott. I'm so sorry your Mum never got to see you grow up.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder Tue 13-Aug-13 19:20:34

cupoftea, Gerard and imip am thinking of all of you and your DC. flowers

GigiDarcy Tue 13-Aug-13 19:20:56

Happy birthday Scott, thinking of you thanks

Floggingmolly Tue 13-Aug-13 19:21:15

Happy Birthday Scott flowers

LegoRelatedInjury Tue 13-Aug-13 19:21:24

Happy birthday to your darling son and I am so sad for your loss. flowers

ithaka Tue 13-Aug-13 19:23:12

Happy Birthday Scott. Your mum loves you very much, you were very important in this world and are very much missed.

Take care of yourself OP.

CurlyFox Tue 13-Aug-13 19:23:56

Happy birthday to your Scott..please tell someone in RL so you aren't on your own

Wishing your special baby a happy birthday and offering u a hand to hold xxx

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