I am sorry for all of your losses but would appreciate your views.
Close friend and I had our fist Dd's close together and always joked/talked about them walking to our small village school together on their first day. Tragically friends Dd was diagnosed at six months with a terminal inherited condition and died when she was one. We still talk about her regularly and she is still close to my Dd and we amazingly have our second Dc very close in age. So turn the clock forward a few years and my Dd is due to start school in September and I want to let my friend know that I so wish we were doing that walk to school together and that we miss her dd and will never forget, but don't want to rub salt in an ever open wound and make it worse because I know she will be incredibly aware of the day. What would you suggest/appreciate, I know I can not make her loss better or worse because it can not be any worse but just want to acknowledge a special day?
I have only had mc before adopting a child so not really able to give advice but came across your Post and didn't want it to go unanswered.
I'm sure you friend will be thinking about it - is she likely to say something ? Perhaps you could mention it when you are next together quietly . Would she like to be asked to do the morning walk with you? Isthat something that for you/her would honour her Dd memory or would it be too painful. I hope this doesn't sound trite but could you carry a small picture other Dd With you on the day ?
Sorry that I haven't been of much help but I'm sure your friend will appreciate that you have not forgotten.
I would love to think my friends will remember my daughter as her little buddies start school. Do say something, it will mean so much. What is hard is when our children are not mentioned, in case we are upset - but we remember everyday Taft they are not with us. Hearing their names out loud means that they are still part of our lives.
I think the idea of saying that you will be thinking of her DD is lovely. And you could offer for her to walk with you (because obviously her daughter lives on in you and especially in her) too if you were happy to do that. She might not want to, but the offer is a nice one.
I think it is always better to acknowledge something than gloss over it. There is a thread on here tonight where a woman is sad that no-one has remembered that today would be her DS' 15 birthday. I don't think it is ever bad to let your friend know that you think of her DD.