I haven't been here in a long time, but as always it's like I've never been away and it's as familiar as a pair of comfy slippers. It's a welcome sight to see so many familiar names here.
I'm so sorry to hear about Beth Shabba. I remember you talking about her many times over the years. Such a waste. Another member of our club .......
My world is in a strange place at the moment. Ds2 starts school in a couple of weeks - another huge milestone for our family, but it's one we should have already experienced with Cole. I'm so excited and anxious for M to start this new chapter, but behind it is an extreme sadness because it is yet another thing that C never got to experience. I know no one in RL has a clue that this is how I'm feeling, yet for me it's huge. I want to scream 'how can you not tell how I'm feeling?'
Then add into the mix ds3 starting pre school as well. Everything is changing, evolving, moving forward. Except my darling ds1, he stays 18mo forever.
He got 'very bogged down' in school life in year 10....really struggled a lot. Has managed to get back into everything in year 11. He got 5 B grade GCSE's (one of which was Maths), 3 C grades and two Btecs (think they are equivalent to 3 GCSE's but not totally sure) in French & Music.
He has enrolled today at Bolton Sixth form college. Doing a 2 year B tec extended diploma titled I.T. Practitioner. They teach everything from computer programming right through to computer engineering. If he passes the course it gives him the equivalent to 3 A levels.
Both my parents are ill Ilike....Dad especially is very ill and it has played on Toms mind since March so I am chuffed to bits that he has done well.
So we begin a whole new chapter of our family life. xx
He was enrolled to go to our local college - he could walk there and I felt safer him being close to home - BUT, Oh no!!! Tom came home and said 'I have decided to go to the town centre college....think it will be good for my confidence to not go to the local one!!'
I know he is right but I am a wuss!!!
Growing up so quickly - he is a good lad - wouldn't even have a shandy on holiday, says he is not interested in drinking - he doesnt like the taste of alcohol. He is, for most of the time, much more sensible than I am now!!! xx
Wow Shabs, he's done brilliantly. You must all be so proud.
Sorry to hear about your parents. I knew your mum was ill, but didn't realise your dad was. It must be incredibly tough for everyone, especially you. I imagine you are trying to be the glue keeping everyone and everything together xx
Yes sadly Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer at the beginning of March. He has it in his jaw and it has spread behind his ear and I suspect it is now making its evil way to his brain. They said they could operate but when he knew what the operation involved he said no. My Mum is so anxious about it all that her Alzheimers is raging out of control. Breaks my heart to see them both struggling. I spend as much time as possible with them but am dreading the day they pass.
Its not all doom and gloom though - we have loads of laughs together. My Mum is hysterical. She wanted to come on holiday with us a few weeks ago and said 'Oh Harry I would love to go to Crackerfacky (Faliraki) with our Shabbs, wouldn't you?' My Dad just gives her 'the look' that speaks a thousand words
I keep thinking IF there is a God he is a cruel God. My Mam & Dad sobbed for months and months after our boys died. They were amazingly wonderful - they helped every minute of every day. They just held me....and Danny....and my DH.
My Dad used to take his lunch (when Gareth was in hospital) and sit outside the hospital underneath the window where Gareths cot was. He said he prayed for him to survive.
They have never hurt a single soul. They are fantastic people but both Cancer and Alzheimers have no respect for good people. I am back to having horrendous nightmares that seem to go on all through the night. I am always very, very busy working and horrible things are happening all around me that I have no control over.
Morning shabba Nightmares are horrible, especially when they have little bits of truth in. I wake myself up, but that means very little sleep sometimes I hate not having control, but know that I have to accept that there's not much that we are in control of. Sometimes it's too hard x
It certainly is too hard at times. Talked to my Niece last night....she kept asking me if how she is feeling is 'normal.' Everything she said made total sense to me because I am still walking this horrible road that she is at the beginning of.
I know she will 'make it.' She is a vivacious, loud , kind, loving young woman but I know the enormity of it all. xx
Yes, she will 'make it,' but will emerge changed in ways she can't predict & you/we/anyone else can't do anything other than offer a hand to hold & an ear to listen. It helps, but it's not enough.
I've given up on normal, I think. Every time I think I've reached some level of normality, it gets tipped upside down again, so I think I have to accept our weird life! You are so right about the enormity of what your niece is facing: I still can't get my head round the sheer terror that is life without DS, even 7 years on. I'm sure her vivacious, loud personality will help her through these dark days & I know that she will be surrounded by love & kindness.