advice on writing bereavement letters

(7 Posts)
scarecrow22 Sun 07-Jul-13 22:48:57

Early this year my dad's cousin died: he had little family and she meant a lot to him (he dis the appreciation) and I thought she was one of the most gracious kind and beautiful spirited women I have ever met. To my shame I was going through a very difficult pregnancy and time in myarriage and working til 9-11pm and didn't get around to writing to her husband or her daughter (who I hardly know but feel a strong link to).

in April a few days after my son was born, this daughter lost her son. he had life long sever disabilities and had been expected to die for some months. He had the same name as my newborn son, something I had not really clocked as they called him by a nickname and we use the full name. Again I have not made time to write, partly because I have been paralysed by my failure to wrote sooner about her mum. partly because I feel presumptuous mentioning my son by the same name, so to speak, even cruel to do so.

I still feel it would have been right to write. Is it too late to write to the husband? And if I wrote to my second cousin (?) should I refer to her mum and son on the same letter, and have you any advice about how to mention my son?

I am.deeply ashamed about my delay, but ask you to put that to one side and offer honest advice.

Thank you

exoticfruits Mon 08-Jul-13 07:01:19

I would just write honest letters saying that you are ashamed about the delay, they have been in your thoughts and you wanted to express your sympathies. Or phone them.

exoticfruits Mon 08-Jul-13 07:02:23

Because it is months later you could make it a general letter and put in everything you wish to say.

nooka Mon 08-Jul-13 07:16:03

My father died earlier this year and my mother treasured all the lovely letters she received. I am sure that your relatives would love to receive a heartfelt letter from you even though some time has passed. In fact they may especially appreciate you writing now, as generally most people write immediately they hear so they might not have had a letter for a little while now.

I agree with exotic, just apologize (I wouldn't go into the reasons in any great detail) and then let them know how much you cared about your dad's cousin, and how sad you were to hear about the death of the son.

Helpyourself Mon 08-Jul-13 07:17:38

It's never too late!

BrianTheMole Mon 08-Jul-13 07:28:04

Of course its not too late.

scarecrow22 Mon 08-Jul-13 11:39:42

Thank you all, and for not judging me. I wrote to them both and as it really did come from the heart it was easier than I thought. To be honest they are such a lovely family it was not hard to open up.

Much appreciate you taking time to reply.

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