My Mum died 10 days ago

(34 Posts)

I am struggling today with the concept of where she is now. I know this is a massive topic for mankind, nevermind Mumsnet.

Mum went to church every Saturday night (Roman Catholic - Sat night Mass is the quickest) but never spoke much about her faith. I was raised RC and so are my kids, but have never felt one moment's faith in my life (Dara O'Briain calls himself "culturally catholic" which describes me too. I would say I like the hymns and the concept of "loving thy neighbour" but that the whole organised religion leaves me cold and I would suspect it is all balarney).

Until she got ill three weeks ago I would have said that when you die, that is the end. But I literally cannot bear this at the moment. I am not sleeping. She was 62 when she died, she wasn't ready to go and thought that she was going to go through chemo and then have another couple of years. But after the first session of chemo she became neutropenic (spell?), caught pneumonia and was told that they couldn't save her. She died 23 hours later.

As it's now getting dark and I'm facing another long night - could you just tell me what you believe/think happens when you die?

t875 Mon 08-Jul-13 00:20:54

And surround yourself with people you feel comfortable with x

Thank you for all the responses which I've been reading and re-reading.

Tonight my Nan (Dad's mum) phoned to see how I am.

There was lots of "your mum's in a better place having a grand time" and "you must remember to pray for her, the poor souls can't pray for themselves".

I did the verbal equivalent of nodding and fell apart afterwards. I haven't prayed since the funeral. I've talked to Mum out loud, but haven't prayed. Nan's belief in purgatory, and the fact we have to pray to get Mum to heaven, makes me on the one hand scream with rage and at the same time worry that I am letting mum down by not praying.

Just a bad day.

LucyBabs Mon 15-Jul-13 21:12:13

branston I lost my mam 8 months ago and my dad 4 months ago.
I am by no means coping any better now than when they died but the bad days are getting less.

I understand your rage at your nan. I can't bare to hear those words pray for the souls to enter heaven but then I worry I haven't prayed at all and so mam isn't allowed enter heaven!

I am finding it harder to speak to people about how I'm feeling. Some days I want to rage, scream and cry but instead put on my happy face and just get on with things. It feels some think I should be doing better by now confused

Themobstersknife Mon 15-Jul-13 21:20:44

Please neither of you worry. You need to be true to yourself, do what you need to do, not what other people need to do for them to cope.

Branston of course you will have bad days, but some days will be easier than others. Take care of yourself.

LucyBabs - there is no formula for when you should be 'over it'. People can be so insensitive and everyone tackles things differently. But do try and talk about it with someone you trust.

As I said before, I am an atheist but I still want to believe our mums are up there, proud of us and watching over us.

Im so sorry for your huge loss.

My mum died at the age of 50 3 and a half years ago.

I can tell you this...i KNOW she is with me everyday of my life and is watching me all the time. Ive had signs and things have happened to prove this.

If i didnt have this comfort, i certainly know that i wouldnt be coping even now. I still have days where ir break down but then i'll smell her perfume waft past me and i'll feel comforted again, just as if she has her arms wrapped round me!

Im not religious in the slightest but have faith in that mymum (her spirit) is never far.

Things will get easier xx

marcusdartus Sat 05-Oct-13 01:00:14

Hi, Just read your message, Lost my mum eight years ago and it still hurts, hence me still looking on sites like Mumsnet. I hope you eventually find peace unlike me.
mark.

FriendofDorothy Sat 05-Oct-13 21:40:56

My Mum died 10 day ago whilst she was on holiday in Greece. As a result of this she has only just returned home so we are still waiting for her funeral.

Mum was an amazing Christian lady and she is convinced that heaven is a reality. I believe in the same but every now and then I find myself questioning it and hoping we are not barking up the wrong tree!

I miss her so much. We can't even move on yet and I just don't know how I am going to live without her sad

Auntietina Mon 07-Oct-13 19:24:16

Hi everyone,
I've never posted before but my mum died 3 weeks ago today and reading this post especially hit some nerves.
She had had cancer for 6 years so it wasnt a big surprise but this doesn't help at all. Now all the funeral organising is over, I am finding myself wondering whether she really is 'somewhere' keeping an eye on me and my children as she had promised to do. The thought that site isn't is just too horrible to bear; I miss her so much.

mummylin Mon 07-Oct-13 19:38:26

auntietina maybe you would like to join us here
here

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