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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

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Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters.

Bereavement

24 years today....

34 replies

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 21:35

My world changed forever... I was 4 years old, and was told my mummy wasn't coming home again. She had died.

My brother was 5, my sister was 18months.

I dont usually think about it because it doesn't change anything so I keep it locked up, but this morning when my 4 year old daughter came bounding into my bedroom I just wanted to sob.

I know how much she needs me and the thought of what she would go through if I left her was so tangible to me this morning. Even worse that her 18 month old sister had a stay in A&E on Tuesday night...

I have a wonderful stepmum but I want to say 'I miss my mummy' I love her. I want her back. I want er to meet her grandchildren. I want her to tell me that she is proud of me and I want a hug. I want to know what she smells like. What she looks like. Not from a photo. From memory. I miss my mummy :(

OP posts:

Report

gwenniebee · 02/05/2013 21:40

Oh Sleepingbunnies :(

I'm sure your mum is proud of you. It sounds like you are a lovely person and a lovely mummy to your own children.

I hope you've got someone to give you a hug tonight.

fusspot66 · 02/05/2013 21:40

Hug for you. We should treasure each day I think.

SwishSwoshSwoosh · 02/05/2013 21:40

Oh I am so sorry you lost your mummy so young, that is sad and must have been very hard. Be really kind to yourself and an un-mnetty .

thornrose · 02/05/2013 21:42

Oh that's so hard for you. I'd give you a hug if I could

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 21:46

My babies are sleeping and DP is at work, so I have some chocolate, tears and mumsnet.

I never normally get like this but it's just got me today and I would just give the world to see her face one more time so I could remember it and drink in every detail.

I feel like screaming I want my mummy!! I'm 28 but I feel like I did when I was 4 today :(

OP posts:

shelli135 · 02/05/2013 21:49

Sending hugs to you xx

thornrose · 02/05/2013 21:53

God, I bet you do, it's perfectly understandable.

My dd lost her dad when she was 10, I thought that was bad enough.

I guess because your dd has reached the age you were when you lost your mum it has triggered a worse reaction than normal.

I wish I could help but I don't know what to say

DeafLeopard · 02/05/2013 21:55

Gentle hugs sweetheart.

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 21:56

Thank you for all your lovely replies.

Life just isn't fair is it? I don't know what to do, crying solves nothing and I'm not normally so self indulgent but I needed it tonight so thank you all for listening x

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LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey · 02/05/2013 22:03

I have nothing helpful to say except that I'm really sad for you. I'm sorry your mum died when you were so small. It's so unfair.

Be as self indulgent as you want; don't worry about crying not solving anything. Just cry if you feel sad and don't worry about questioning it.

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 22:06

Bit of floodgates now they've been opened, can't quite seem to shut it off :(

I keep feeling the need to say I miss my mummy.

Maybe I don't say it enough :(

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thornrose · 02/05/2013 22:18

I wonder if you should maybe try to look at the advice given to a grieving young child rather than an adult if that makes sense.

How would you feel about writing your feelings down in a letter and sending it off on a balloon or one of those sky lanterns? Really acknowledging how you felt as a child.

Do you get to talk about your mum to people that knew her?

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 22:21

I used to write to her, the letters don't make for pleasant reading :(

I can speak to my aunt and sister, but what to say? What's the point? It changes nothing :(

I don't even know what I want to say!

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Weegiemum · 02/05/2013 22:24

Oh bunnies, I feel for you.

When I was 12, my mum walked out on us all the day after Mother's Day.

Last year I had to go through it (mothers day) with my 12yo dd1. Was awful, but I did it.

There are always going to be anniversaries and things, times, that are hard.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum.

onedev · 02/05/2013 22:25

I cried reading your Op as your sadness & how much you miss your mummy really comes through.

You were so little & I'm so sorry for your loss. Be gentle with yourself - you are entitled to be self indulgent.

You sound like a fab mum & no doubt the age of your own DC has made it all the more poignant.

Sending you hugs & wishing you all the very best.

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 22:25

weegie that's awful. So sorry you had to go through that x

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carriedawayannie · 02/05/2013 22:29

It does change something. It helps you deal with it.

I found that getting it out instead of storing it up really did help.

thornrose · 02/05/2013 22:31

It won't change anything, you're right, and it won't take away your pain

Sleepingbunnies · 02/05/2013 22:31

carriedaway I have to function normally, I don't think falling apart is an option, therefore it has to only come out sometimes :(

OP posts:

thornrose · 02/05/2013 22:33

Posted too soon..
But it can help you get your feelings out, maybe consider a bereavement counsellor?

carriedawayannie · 02/05/2013 22:48

I know exactly what you mean Thornrose. But allowing yourself the time to let go may help.

Easier said than done I know. You don't want to risk falling apart. Just be kind to youself and don't think that because y

carriedawayannie · 02/05/2013 22:51

Posted too soon

don't think that you can't give yourself time to grieve because you lost your mum a long time ago. I agree that your dd being 4yo is a trigger and giving yourself a little time to allow yourself feel those feelings may help

Sleepingbunnies · 03/05/2013 08:00

I fell asleep last night but read your replies this morning. Feeling a little brighter today, thank you for all your replies

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Sleepingbunnies · 05/05/2013 22:22

Wow. I'v just sat for an hour looking at my 4yr old and am feeling sadder then ever.

I think the floodgates were opened on Thursday :(

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marriednotdead · 05/05/2013 22:37

Hi SB, I'm so sad for your loss. You sound so desolate
The time that has passed has no relevance, and other wise posters can also see that it is the child inside you that is grieving, as well as the mother that you are now.

You may feel a little less fragile as the next couple of days go by, I certainly hope so. However, if you don't, please go to your GP and see if you can get referred for some counselling to help you to work through your grief. It seems to be quite common for certain similar events to be triggering, or even in my case just to be happy enough for my mind to feel ready to unravel stuff that had been deeply buried.

We can never guarantee tomorrow, but chances are that you will be around for your DCs for far longer than your unfortunate mum

Flip

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