Support thread for anyone who is grieving for a parent (2)

(973 Posts)
mummylin Thu 02-May-13 10:46:10

Welcome to our new home everyone. This should be where we all start to move on a little bit. Together we will cope.

mummylin Wed 31-Jul-13 16:59:26

Hellossd nice to see you . Are you doing ok, have you been back to cruse yet ?

ssd Wed 31-Jul-13 17:22:58

no not yet, I'm waiting for them to contact me, they said there was a big waiting list.

am doing not bad, its the fourth week of the school holidays here and its staring to get boring for me, the kids are out all day and I'm home alone! Its really ironic, the is the first summer ever I would have been able to pop over to see my mum without having to arrange a babysitter, and she's not here. Someone up there is having a laugh at my expense!!

how are you doing, anymore bean shoots yet?

Badvoc Wed 31-Jul-13 18:16:15

So....got to wait until tomorrow to find out what dates are available.
It will be a long wait for the crematorium I think.
Have made decisions re hymns, music etc.
My husband had said he will do the eulogy.
Ssd...I am sorry for your loss x

mummylin Wed 31-Jul-13 19:43:05

Yes ssdi now have two beans ! Hope you don't have to wait too long for your next apt
badvoc at least you have made a start. Is it extremely busy on your Area and that is why you will have to wait a while ? What wait are you expecting ?

Badvoc Wed 31-Jul-13 20:57:55

The funeral director said 1.5/2 weeks.

we had a two week wait due to the hospital overruling that an autopsy be carried out. the worst time was the waiting once all the jobs had been sorted. we are here though badvoc whenever you want to chat xxx

mummser Thu 01-Aug-13 10:46:25

Still can't really believe that I'm writing this but my beautiful little girl was born almost 5 weeks ago on a Friday morning, my mum was with me throughout the birth along with my husband. I couldn't have done it without her, she was amazing. The next morning she passed away in her sleep, she was only 55. I am totally devastated and struggling to believe it. It's my first baby and i feel totally lost without her, I thought she would be here to help me every step of the with her advice and motherly love. I am so glad she met my daughter and helped bring her into he world but feel cheated that she was taking away so young. I am gutted at everything she will miss with us, I can't stop thinking about all the things she won't get to see or so with me and my daughter, she would have been an amazing gran to her. So many people have said that it will get easier with time but so many times a day I breakdown and just want my mum, it's so hard. I put on a brave face for my little girl and she is helping me each day. I just wanted to know from others who have experienced the loss of their mum when it gets easier?

Xx

firstly so sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, they leave a msssive hole and you have a young daughter too. im so glad that your mum was by your side and met your beautiful girl im sure she was thrilled to be a part of that special moment. I am almost 9 months on my from my mums death, she was 45. i can tell you that it does get easier and you dont have that gut wrenching feeling as often. I still get very upset at times and like you i feel cheated that she wont see her grandchildren grow up ( Nphw was just 2, ds was 5) but you will be happy again, its just a different kind of happy. it is very early days and with a new baby too. be kind to yourself and pm me if you need or post on here.

mummylin Thu 01-Aug-13 11:14:46

mummser I can't tell ou when it will get better for ou but I can tell you that 21 months after my mums death it dosent get much easier. The times between years gets longer though. It is the most awful thing and I'm very sorry you have had to come on this thread.
I am happy to see that your mum got to meet your dd. that ,use be a bit of a comfort for you.grief affects us all differently. Some people will be able to carry on after a short time , others will take much longer, grief has no guidelines.
Your mum is still here in part as your dd is carrying her bloodline. I hope you have supportive friends and family around you.
You are still at the beginning when everything seems to be so unreal and it's hard to process what has happened.
I know we will all start to feel better eventually, I just don't know the answer as to when. Hope this thread can help you to cope.

Badvoc Thu 01-Aug-13 12:35:58

Oh mummser...I am so very sorry for your loss.
I can on,y tell you that I am trying to cling to the crumbs of comfort that I can.
My dad didn't suffer, it was quick, we were all with him.
Your mum got to see her grand daughter born and was with you through your birth.
Cling onto that.
X

mummylin Thu 01-Aug-13 14:51:51

Hello badvoc hope you now have a date pencilled in, That will be one task done, there is such a lot to do at this time How is your mum today. Recovering well I hope. Did you sort put if her results were Normal
/ abnormal ?

Badvoc Thu 01-Aug-13 15:39:12

The gp discussed it with her and I think she is happier. She is back at clinic in 2/3 months anyway so I will discuss with her consultant then.
I have ordered her a pill box...she has a lot of pills now!!
Date sorted.
Service more or less sorted.
Flowers, orders of service and Headstone picked.
What an awful, awful day.

Haribo199 Thu 01-Aug-13 18:52:18

I hope you don't mind me joining your group.
I lost my wonderful dad on the 19 June. I feel so lost and lonely.
Friends are kind but don't really know what to say when I talk about him. I've known for the best part of 2years that he would die from his cancer but it still shocked us all by his sudden decline. He was my friend and spent so much time with me and the kids. The school holidays are so hard without him.

t875 Thu 01-Aug-13 19:18:08

Mummser - I abosolutely felt every bit you wrote I lost my mum in her sleep at 65 I couldn't imagine at 55 can I ask if it was a stroke? My mums was a massive stroke.

I still feel cheated and gutted now after a year and a couple of months. And it has got a little easier but I take the comfort i believe she is around me / us but some days it's just not enough. I do talk to her as I believe she can hear but I feel very sad at times too and it knocks me side ways when I feel the void.

I so remember how horrendous it was the early part
It must be even harder with your new born.
Take each minute, hour, day slowly. Hugs to you xx

t875 Thu 01-Aug-13 19:27:07

Haribo199 hello to you.

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It's awful and a massively hard time. We are here for you. If it helps you talk about your dad or plant a plant or have a special area you can put special things of his. I know this helped with me for my mum

Such a hard time.

Thinking of you. Hugs to you xx

Badvoc - glad things are going along the best they can I honestly couldn't imagine it with my dad bad enough with my mum and her funeral.

Take care.. Hugs xx

I also want to say to the new posters who have had losses
There is the bereavement group called CRUSE if you have a bad time and really struggling They have a generic number to call. I have found these Very helpful in my first year and I had 4 sessions with them. Absolutely amazing. My angel she was.

Hope everyone else is. Ssd I will pm you tonight xx

mummylin Thu 01-Aug-13 19:33:19

So sorry haribo that you have joined us on this thread. We are all here for the same reason so if we can help in anyway or just as a few shoulders we are here for you.

Badvoc Thu 01-Aug-13 19:43:47

I am sorry for your loss haribo

t875 Thu 01-Aug-13 21:02:54

Well the holiday is on us and my god that emptiness of life is hitting me bad.

Don't honestly know how ill get through this holiday. I will take a candle and light it and take a picture. I'm emmensly sad though she isn't here with us sad

Badvoc Thu 01-Aug-13 21:22:04

Oh t875 I wish there was something I could say....
Did your mum enjoy holidays? What did she like to do? Perhaps you could do a day trip in her memory?
The sadness is all consuming for me at the moment.
And I keep remembering the simple truth....that grief is the price we pay for love.
X

t875 Fri 02-Aug-13 00:09:56

Thanks bad havoc.
Yeah I guess we're definitely have fish and chips! And ill have some private times with her having a chat and ill buy her something for her shelf here. Ill also buy a soft toy as she loved soft toys and she loved bingo so might well do that!
Thank you. We are all right with you and post anytime and be around people that support you. Pick and choose who and what you do. I thought I had loads of best friends I realise now I have 3 real soul mates. But I have met great friends through this thread too. My word it's helped to know to come here cry, vent, talk.

Hasn't been too bad tonight. Moments but gotta get there yet Thatl be hard. Xx

mummylin Fri 02-Aug-13 00:40:50

t875 you will get through it, your mum will be on your shoulder. As you said , bring home something to put on her shelf. You will be fine, maybe a bit sad but you will cope. Thinking of you.
Thinking of you all going through this rough experience, but together we will all cope.

t875 Fri 02-Aug-13 08:12:07

Thanks mummylin your right, I will. We didn't get away last year and we've been through hell and back we all need this holiday. Albeit a few days! We're going somewhere where she's never been too as couldn't go where my mum had been. Hope are you going along ok Hun? X

mummylin Fri 02-Aug-13 09:10:28

Yes I'm ok and like you we also went somewhere that we hadn't been with mum. I don't think I could go back to "our* places. Have a great holiday and try and get some rest in.

Badvoc Fri 02-Aug-13 12:28:05

Had a Meeting with the vicar this morning to discuss the service.
My brother is phoning insurance companies etc so that's a job I don't have to do.
I am staying at mums tonight so won't get much sleep, but I am planning on going back to bed this afternoon and sending dh off to do the grocery shop!
Next week will be very strange as most things are done.
It's just a case of waiting now.

mummylin Fri 02-Aug-13 16:44:31

The time in between is horrible once everything has been sorted, your in a sort of limbo and don't really know what to do. Normality has flown out of the window. Hope your mums recovering well , does she have to go back to the hospital at all

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