A little hand holding please...

(487 Posts)
SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Fri 26-Apr-13 03:48:37

My gorgeous husband kissed ds1, aged 5, ds2, aged 3, and I, tonight, told us each that he loved us and went to play football, as he has every Thursday for the last 10 years.

38 minutes later, I had a call from his mate to say that he was having some kind of fit. By the time I arrived at the pitch, he was receiving cpr. Eventually we agreed they should stop at the hospital. He was 39 years old and the best daddy and husband one could hope for.

I'm lying here, wide awake, totally numb, and trying to think how to tell our beautiful boys that their super daddy didn't make it home.

I don't know when I'll be back on here., as I'm supposed to be trying to sleep, but just needed to say the words above.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Mon 14-Oct-13 22:21:30

Hi Foxy. Thanks for posting and reading my blog. I've had a heck of a week. I had tonsilitis in the middle of last week and ds1 lost the plot with me on Thursday evening, running at me with fists flying and kicking me in the shins. On Saturday, my db got married and I managed the day pretty well. The only bits that really got me were during the speeches when we toasted 'family and friends' and 'love and happiness'. The first dance was lovely and I stood and watched with my gorgeous boys. Unfortunately, at about 7:30pm an older guest collapsed and required an ambulance. I managed to ensure that the boys were completely oblivious, drew my DM away and then supported the man's wife, who was clearly distressed. I'm pleased that my rational helpful brain kicked in when it could have done the opposite. I was surprisingly okay afterwards, but am so tired now from the whole event. DS1 has been worrying after an assembly today and didn't go to bed until 9pm which I could really have done without. I might not manage a blog this week as a result!! However, he has managed to control his temper since last Thursday and that is a good thing. This tiredness though is quite something.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Mon 14-Oct-13 22:22:36

p.s. the boys looked gorgeous in their page boy outfits and were beautifully behaved. I think I scrubbed up pretty well too! it was lovely to spend some time with my cousins and some old friends.

Good grief, Survival. What a week you've had! Just to say that I'm thinking of you and have learned such a lot of insight as a result of reading your blog - so thank you! Xxx

timetopost Mon 21-Oct-13 19:47:10

Hi Survival,

I'm glad to read that you had a good day at your brothers wedding, it must have been difficult for you, particularly with the speeches. Sorry to hear that one of the guests was I'll, it sums up your strength of character that you were there to help his wife.

I've just read your latest blog ( I need to also read the one you wrote earlier this month). You should be incredibly proud of yourself. If I'm honest it brought a tear to my eye reading your blog, not just because of the sadness of what you and your boys are going through, but also because of your amazing strength and resilience. (have you considered writing a book?)

Take care x

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Wed 23-Oct-13 07:35:38

Just read your new blog. Amazing as usual. thinking of you flowers

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Wed 23-Oct-13 23:31:58

Thanks again, as always. I'd love to write a book/some magazine articles etc.. but don't really know where to start. I am beginning to run out of things to write about on my blog and I need a bit of advice about what to try next. I'd also like to write a heart related article for Men's Health or something. When I wrote the piece to be read on my behalf at dh's funeral, I was concerned it was becoming more of a best man's speech than a funeral thing, but I think men could benefit from reading about the perils of their weekly games of football/squash etc..

We've had a hard ten days. Ds1 has become very aggressive suddenly and has been punching, kicking, pinching, grabbing etc.. at me for extended periods of time (90 minutes - think the worst type of supernanny programme children!) I am not physically big/strong enough to deal with him (whilst also keeping ds2 safe, who tends to get caught in the crossfire). I feel like I should be able to manage it/sort him out as it is part of my job, but it is very hard to do when it is my own child. It is heartbreaking to see him so angry and so distressed afterwards. I am talking regularly to the headteacher and to the HV as I am worried about what they might think if it gets mentioned by the boys. I don't want to be the family that needs their help. sad. I am trying very hard to try and stop ds1 totally losing it, but it is very tiring to do. I am working with him on the fact that it is normal to be angry, but that he mustn't hurt people or damage property.

TwentyTinyToes Fri 25-Oct-13 06:54:55

That all sounds so tough, poor DS1, and DS2 getting caught in the crossfire and of course poor you. Do you have other adults that can help at the weekends? Just for a few hour so you can spend some time with them 1:1 or have an hour to yourself (bath and wine). Keep talking, the professionals want to help you. As usual you sound just so strong and together and your boys are so lucky to have you.

Thinking of you, Survival. Are the boys having any kind of counselling? I know you were trying to organise something but has it started yet? It must be so hard for all of you. But who else does he have to take it out on? Not that makes it any easier for you.
Could you write about Bonfire night or Halloween - I guess every occasion must be so bittersweet. Thinking of you and sending you hugs.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Sat 26-Oct-13 22:23:13

The boys have had two sessions each so far. I'm wondering if the timing is coincidence or relevant. Ds1 had a tummy bug last night. As an emitaphobe, it was one of the things I was dreading the most, but I managed fine and I don't think ds1 was aware of my inner discomfort. My DM has offered an hour a week for 1:1 time for ds1 and I. We also had an hour this week as my FIL had ds2 while we popped out. It's all a juggling act!

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Sun 27-Oct-13 22:53:21

Tonight, I have to say that right now life feels pretty crap. DS1 has been sick again so we will need to stay home alone for another two days. The day began at 4.45am and I was just not up for it today! My lovely DB and dsil came up to visit and released me for 30 mins so I could collect antibiotics for my chest infection. The only thing was that I chose to go to the supermarket and was surrounded by lots of happy-looking families. The local radio also played Adele's 'Feel my Love' on the way there so I had to spend the first few mins composing myself in the car park. The main thing that is getting me down tonight is that I rushed ds1 back onto food quicker than his gut could take and was pretty hard on him during the afternoon as I thought he was having me on (after he had jumped on the trampoline and bounced on my brother all morning!).
I'm just tired and fed up of having to cope every day and that life seems intent on making things as hard as possible on top of everything else. Usually I feel better in the morning, so I might just go to sleep now in the hope of that pressing the reset button again. Sorry to moan!

Homebird8 Mon 28-Oct-13 01:25:28

Oh sweetheart. Kids being sick is tough at the best of times but when you're poorly too it's doubly so. You're a great mum but we all find sometimes we can't tell when they are having us on and when they are still feeling rough.

Excuse the anecdote. When I was a child we went on holiday to Scotland in the car. My little sister (about 4 at the time) moaned all the way there that she felt unwell to which DM responded snappily that she wasn't the one that got sick in the car, I was. End of conversation. By the following morning DSis was covered in chicken pox spots and DM was eating her words. Nobody blamed DM though. Mums do have eyes in the backs of their heads but they aren't tuned to virus diagnosis.

Sending you a pat on the shoulder and acknowledgement that you are doing a great job in trying times. When you've had some sleep, and your antibiotics kick in, you'll know it for yourself. Rest well. flowers

YoniMitchel Mon 28-Oct-13 20:45:12

hope today went better for you, you are doing amazingly well thanks thanks

TwentyTinyToes Tue 29-Oct-13 08:53:38

Hope you are feeling brighter this morning.

TwentyTinyToes Tue 29-Oct-13 08:54:23

Hope you are feeling brighter this morning.

Hi Survival.
You are surviving. As a fellow emetophobe I can absolutely understand your fear and dread of dealing with your DS's illness alone, and all I can say is "Well done!" You're doing really well. At things that a 2 parent team find difficult, stressful and hard to cope with.
So glad you're managing tiny bits of 1:1 here and there. All you can do is your best, love, and you can't do that all of the time. Sometimes, being good enough is enough, so don't give yourself too hard a time.
It sounds as though you have help around and as though you're doing everything right for your boys. It may take a long time, and you may not realise how well you're doing nor how far you've come until you look back in a while and realise that slowly slowly things are less grim than they were, but you will get there!
Well done my friend. Keep putting one foot in front of another, take tiny steps and don't forget to breathe!
Much love. Xx

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Tue 29-Oct-13 18:48:40

Thank you all. I'm writing this from the local 'hildten's ward. Sam was sick again this morning at 5a.m and I was worried that be was becoming dehydrated. The arrogant doctor took a vague look and sent us on our way, saying maybe it's his reflux - I said it wasn't. I rang our gp at 8am, got seen at 10.30a.m and sent straight to the ward as he was very dehydrated by then. I got it right, but as usual it's been a fight and i'm tired. He picked up initially here but has now flaked out again so we will be kept in tonight. That leaves ds2 who has sleep apnoea, we believe, at home with dmil. That is worrying me and her in equal measure! Ds1 is currently sleeping. Friend on the way with my overnight stuff and a hand to hold once more. We so needed a good half term...

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Tue 29-Oct-13 18:56:36

So sorry to hear that, good on you to have persisted. You so deserve to have a break
Hope everything goes well, do you have a bed? Are you taking care of yourself too, don't forget to eat and to take your ABs.
flowers brew

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Wed 30-Oct-13 08:05:13

Thanks Mous. Had a chair bed which was more comfy than the one I had last time. Because we are in a side room (for infection control) it was actually reasonably quiet. Ds1 wanted the fan on and I think it'd regular noise drowned out the intermittent ones of admissions etc.. More retching at 3am and lots this a.m so don't know what the plan is yet. Ds2 okay at home and will visit this a.m.

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Wed 30-Oct-13 08:08:03

Sorry for mistakes - brain is tired!

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Wed 30-Oct-13 08:34:58

Just came to see if he was better, and if you could sleep last night...
Thinking about you
If you need any practical help just PM.

Homebird8 Wed 30-Oct-13 09:20:25

Glad you snatched a bit of rest amidst the noise of a busy ward and so sorry to hear you need to be there at all. There is, once again, so much you are handling. Hang on in there and try not to have your head in too many places at once. One thing at a time might give you a better chance to get well again yourself. How is your chest infection? Are the antibiotics helping?

ScienceRocks Wed 30-Oct-13 10:55:45

Survival, I have no words. It simply isn't fair that all these things happen to you, and I am very angry on your behalf. Fingers crossed that DS1 gets better soon and you can get home to ds1 x

Sounds as though you've got your next blog post (Gallows humour!).
Hope you're OK, Survival. Logged on to check and it looks as though you're still being tested. Really hope that you, Sam and MiL are all OK!
Thinking of you with love. Xxx

SurvivalOfTheUnfittest Wed 30-Oct-13 22:51:02

Thanks folks. One day I shall have to ponder why this happens to me! At the moment it will do me no good. I, um, decided not to take the antibiotics (after 4 lots since beginning of term) but chest is finally improving. Boys fought like cat and dog when we finally got ds1 home tonight. Dfil is staying tonight in case of more nighttime problems. Tomorrow, it's just me. Hope the boys will be on better form as I suspect I will be more tired tomorrow. Ds2 went to bed with stomach ache so really hoping he is not getting the bug!

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Thu 31-Oct-13 07:38:44

Glad DS1 is back home and your chest is getting better. FX for DS2's stomach and a good night sleep for you.
flowers

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