Help and advice when visiting funeral directors

(7 Posts)
Iseeall Mon 08-Apr-13 16:15:47

Dad died last week. Mum and I are going to make the funeral arrangements tomorrow can anyone help with advice.
Dad is/was lapsed catholic and wanted to be cremated.
What would the order of service be. I'm thinking organist playing as the coffin goes in, priest, prayers, a piece of music my dad wanted at his funeral, more prayers/or the priest saying more and organ music at the end. Does this sound right.

Any advice on the proceeding would be welcome, prayers hymns etc.

thanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Mon 08-Apr-13 17:22:55

I am so sorry to hear of your loss.

My sister and I picked one of our mum's favourite songs a recording of which was played as we walked out before the coffin was moved.

It was such a blur organising both parents' funerals - neither was a member of a particular church - but any anecdote or favourite reading really personalises it. A couple of big photos, (one recent one from teens) in frames were positioned at the front. A recent service I attended, a particular flower was handed out with each hymn book, of special significance to the bereaved in connection with the deceased.

We had a wake afterwards on both occasions and it sounds like micro managing but DH printed copies of a little map showing directions so mourners knew where to go.

A mix up with instructions meant the ashes were scattered early next day by crematorium staff unwitnessed by any family. Sorry if imagining this distresses you but it was an extra upset which could have been averted.

Really sorry to hear of your loss.

I'm C of E clergy so I go to a lot of funerals and you work out the order of service with the person who is taking the service but what you have already would work. Think about the music you would like going into the crematorium and coming out. An organist is a good idea but most crematoria have the Wesley system so you can have just about any music you want. Maybe have a more upbeat piece at the end? My FinL had the theme for test match special which made everyone smile as he was such a cricket fan.

A piece of music that your dad liked in the middle is a really good idea rather than hymns which people don't feel up to singing anyway. You might want to look out a good picture of your father for the front of the order of service. When my FinL died we found one of him laughing which was lovely after all the stress and pain he had been in during his final illness.

My main piece of advice would be to think very carefully about reading anything yourself whether that is a tribute or a poem. People put themselves through a lot of pressure to do this and unless you feel you really have to do this - and some people do - then find someone in the family or a friend to do the readings on your behalf if you want them.

I'll get some resource sites and put them in the next post.

This is a hugely difficult time for you. Be gentle with yourself and ask for help if you need it.

http://www.lastingpost.com/pa/pa_readings_db.php

http://www.poemhunter.com/poems/funeral/

Hope this helps

Iseeall Mon 08-Apr-13 18:44:37

Many thanks for the replies.
I think the maps from the crematorium to the house afterwards is a good idea as most people attending are not from the area.
I have had a quick look at lastingpost and it seems very useful. Will look at it in full later this evening.

LouiseSmith Tue 09-Apr-13 21:41:29

A song my grandfather had was westlife - Ill see you again.

Sorry for your loss.

MERLYPUSS Wed 10-Apr-13 09:47:34

We had a Humanist funeral for my young uncle. We had no religous songs or prayers but a they played Always Wear Sunscreen as that reflected his youth. He was cremated adn his 'going out' song was a rock and roll legend. No spreading of ashes either as it was felt it would be a place that needed tending to that was unecessary. We then went for Pizza.

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