My husband died

(197 Posts)
minkulus Fri 05-Apr-13 22:09:22

I have 2DCs. Daughter 8 and son 2 1/2. I have spoken to my Dd about her daddy, but how the hell do I explain it to the 2 yr old.
Dad was away a lot with work so his absence has not been noted yet. What do I do?
Sorry it's a bit blunt but I'm stunned and can't face it.

BIWI Sat 06-Apr-13 11:18:37

I'm so sorry to read this. sad

Inertia Sat 06-Apr-13 11:26:40

So sorry for your loss.

Can the company that your husband was working for help you at all- family support or anything like that? They may be able to manage some of the official business for you?

Thinking of you all.

BriansBrain Sat 06-Apr-13 12:11:33

Do you have any one who can help with making calls to cancel etc?

If you feel comfortable with accepting help from a stranger I am a PA and would happily take over the calendar and cancel appointments, flights for you.

Feel free to me and I will give you my contact details x

xigris Sat 06-Apr-13 12:28:09

Briansmile

minkulus Sat 06-Apr-13 13:45:34

Thank you so much for the kind offers of help. I am so touched. I have no idea how to message anyone on mumsnet. I am so pants at computer stuff, always left that to DH. his laptop and camera and wires etc are all here and I don't even know how to plug it all in!
I had notification that my husband will be returning to the uk tomorrow. I have to do the formal identification accompanied by a police officer. Once that truly awful part is over i will start to think about the rest.

I rang BA to cancel the flights I know about and they were helpful but cant do anything until we have proper death certificate as far as I can tell.

is there anything online that gives a step by step guide to all this? I struggle with one foot in front of the other at best of times!

xigris Sat 06-Apr-13 13:51:27

Hi Minkulus, most areas have a local bereavement support network, I know that we do. They're usually voluntary groups but may well be able to help you with all of this bureaucratic stuff. Also, Cruse probably know about the organisational side of things. Where are you living? (Understand that you may not want to share - totally understand) it's just that I do have a friend who runs our local bereavement support and he's lovely and massively experienced. I'm in SE London of that's anywhere near you. Again, so sorry for what you and your family are going through x

everlong Sat 06-Apr-13 13:57:32

Oh I'm so sorry.
There is a ' message poster ' button on the top of each thread. It's easy to use.

Have you anyone in real life that can ' take over ' for you for a short while? Take all the help that is offered.

Do you want to say where about you are? If you're near me I will try and help you.

EggsEggSplat Sat 06-Apr-13 14:09:14

This is quite a useful page of government advice on all the things you need to do when someone dies including a brief segment on what happens if someone dies abroad. I presume someone where he died must have registered the death for you, or you wouldn't be able to repatriate the body yet.

It took me much longer to get that sorted, but there was an extra layer of bureaucracy as the funeral was in Scotland, and there were special Scottish bits of paperwork to sort out too.

Don't forget to apply for bereavement allowance and widowed parent's allowance. You'll need several copies of the death certificate to speed up dealing with banks etc, or just a couple and then get a solicitor to run off some certified copies for you.

minkulus Sat 06-Apr-13 14:46:36

eggsplat. I can only imagine how hard you found it all and I'm sorry your kind help is having to come from bitter experiences. I have a lovely neighbour who is here with my son in the garden playing bubbles. the sun is so beautiful today and he's giggling away; just what is needed for us all at the moment.

minkulus Sat 06-Apr-13 14:49:06

In response to geographic location I am up on Cambridgeshire/
Lincolnshire border and funeral etc will be Norfolk/Cambs.
Coroners will be in Kings Lynn.

BriansBrain Sat 06-Apr-13 15:57:59

Take it easy, so glad you have some RL support. As some one else suggested is their a work collegue that can help work wise, not that all that is important today.

Do you have someone to go with you tomorrow? I'm not near enough location wise by my virtual offer still stands. I will send you a private message, you will need to click on the envelope with the red dot on the top of the page x

batteryhen Sat 06-Apr-13 21:00:49

I am so sorry to hear your news xx I am in the same part of the country as you, please just ask if you need anything x

Hulababy Sat 06-Apr-13 21:10:47

I am so sorry to hear about your DH.
Sadly there are others on MN who have experienced this and I am sure they will be able to help you more.

Tobermory Sat 06-Apr-13 21:24:23

Minkulus, so very sorry to hear about your loss. You are being so very strong. I can't imagine how bloody hard this must be.

I haven't suffered the loss of a partner but have lost both parents, my DM when I was relatively young. Something that helped for me was to keep a diary. It was place for me to just let it out, often. Later on down the road I could see from my entries that I was making baby steps.

How about making a memory box with your DD? Put in favourite photos, things that remind her of her daddy, places you went. Postcards he sent from away. I think it would certainly help your daughter as she ets older.

I recently found some letters my dad wrote to me when he was working away. I'd not looked at them since I was v small so while I don't remember receiving them its nice to help me get a picture of what life must have been like when I was that small.

Take care x

BriansBrain Sat 06-Apr-13 21:26:08

This is a link to winstons wishes which is a charity to support bereaved children. I have spoken to them in the past when my DDs bestbfriend died suddenly and they were very helpful and calming, they helped me as much as offering advice for DD.

www.winstonswish.org.uk/mainsection.asp?section=000100010004&pagetitle=About+Us

TrinityRhino Sat 06-Apr-13 21:26:58

I'm so so sorry for your and your children's loss

There are no words.
Stay strong, you can do it.

<honest old fashioned hugs>

Evenstar Sun 07-Apr-13 17:19:27

If you check your private messages I have sent (with their permission) the contact details for a couple of Widowed and Young members whose husbands also died abroad. They are happy for you to contact them if they can help with any information or support.

Orianne Sun 07-Apr-13 17:30:16

So sorry for your loss xxx

minkulus Sun 07-Apr-13 19:36:02

Thank you everyone for keeping me going. Thanks Evenstar.

Its been a difficult day as I know my DH body is now back in the UK at Heathrow. The repatriation team will bring him up to the funeral directors tomorrow and I think I have to do the I.D when he gets there.
Not much sleep tonight I guess......

minkulus Sun 07-Apr-13 19:44:21

Evenstar I checked my messages but none from you I'm afraid.
I will check again presently in case it is just slow!

JaxTellerIsAllMine Sun 07-Apr-13 19:47:29

Just wanted to say I am so very sorry for your loss minkulus

IcanandIwill Sun 07-Apr-13 20:00:51

So, so sorry.

My DH was killed nearly 12 months ago. My DC were 5, 1 and I was 36 weeks with the third. We've been to hell and back over the last year but we are surviving. Take one breath, one second, one minute at a time. I found staring at the wall oddly helpful. I've PM'd you. I wish I could help or at least take some of the pain away. X

ChippingInIsEggceptional Sun 07-Apr-13 21:13:57

Minkulus I am so very sorry to hear about your DH... there are no words, but I'm sending you lots of love & strength xxx

Evenstar Sun 07-Apr-13 21:21:49

Sorry am just about to send it again, my internet crashed just as I pressed send on the message, hopefully you will have it soon.

Evenstar Sun 07-Apr-13 21:40:10

You should have the message now, meant to add that first contact I have given you is on holiday until Thursday. Hope you get it OK this time.

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