How to help a friend who lost her family

(3 Posts)
sosooootired Sun 24-Mar-13 08:16:15

My dear friend lost her family 20 years ago. Her mother and brother were killed in a car accident, she and her father survived. 2 years later her father died too. She was 18.
We have only known each other a year and are just becoming close. We talk quite easily about death and loss as my mum also died 12 years ago now, so I understand the shitness of losing a parent but of course she lost her whole family.
I'm so concerned for her as she is still very traumatised.
I sense that during the early years after the deaths she just had to get on with life and threw herself into study/ work and becoming successful.
She is still outgoing and brilliant but now in her late 30's I think the trauma has become very raw again as she feels overcome with fear of having a family and sadness that her life has been so bloody tragic. She talks about missing her mother and brother particularly as though they died only yesterday.
It's so hard to see her in such pain, she is fighting constantly to stave it off.

Outwardly she's totally fabulous, gorgeous, successful has a wonderful partner but she clearly needs help to come to terms with what happened.

we don't live in a country with any kind of counselling options available unless online.
any advice would be very much appreciated

whosiwhatsit Sun 24-Mar-13 08:31:42

You are doing so much for her already just by listening, and the fact that she is able to talk freely with you means you're already doing something right. Beyond that there isnt much you can do, other than just be there for her.

Catbert4pm Sun 24-Mar-13 08:34:27

A lovely friend came with me to bereavement counselling at Cruse - over 25 years after my Mum died (young) - and it really, really helped. smile

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