My best friend has killed himself.

(32 Posts)

I dont know if this is the right place to post as they havent actually recovered his body yet, but i cant talk to anyone about it in real life because of the mixed reactions im getting.

My dearest bestest friend of 15 years has finally succumbed to his mental health problems and killed himself.
We lived together for 5 years in our teens/early twenties, he is the only person that i could trust with my life.
In the time that ive known him hes had a pretty shit life to say the least, he grew up in care because his mother killed herself and his father and stepmum were abusive. He has self harmed for around 19years,
He also suffered from various mental health problems from anxiety to schizophrenia, BPD , body dysmorphia, depression to name a few.
2 years ago he beat cancer, but the chemotherapy caused him physical problems that he shouldnt have had to deal with at such a young age.
He has previously tried to kill himself 6/7 times in the time ive known him, but there are always big fat warning signs, he ALWAYS calls me and i always find him. He usually plans to be found. But this time he didnt.

25th February he left his flat, with a note, and disappeared. The police believe he has drowned himself, but they dont search the canal for suicides, so all we can do is wait.

We are facing potentially another 2 weeks of uncertainty as to his whereabouts. I dont actually know what we are meant to do.
I am fine for large parts of the day and then the guilt hits me and i cry for hours. I still have a job to hold down and 3 wonderful dc's to look after.
Im calling the police every day for news and they have none. Just wait is all they are telling me.

Its not really a massive suprise that he wont make old bones, we always expected to deal with this sooner rather than later, but now that its happened its so fucking hard to deal with.
Part of me is happy hes free from all the shit, part of me wants to know why he didnt call me, was he upset with me? should i have been there?

I dont really know where to go from here so if anyone has any advice id like to hear it. x

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 26-Mar-13 18:06:47

fleur, im so sorry sad

but as i said its also closure, as before there was always the what if still alive - and now you can start to grieve and emotions will be running high

i hope you have lots of support in the rw

thinking of you xx

tribpot Tue 26-Mar-13 18:24:28

Very sorry to read this, Fleur. Sorry that hope has gone, but uncertainty has gone too. I think from what you've written the reason he didn't call you this time is because he didn't want to be found or stopped in time. It was no reflection on you, just on the seriousness of his intention this time.

Take care of yourself.

Have been invited to the inquest into his death on november 5th.

Can anyone with experience tell me what to expect there?
I dont want to see photograhs.

echt Tue 24-Sep-13 02:02:52

I'm sorry for your loss, Fleur, possibly put up another thread to ask what to expect at an inquest? I'm sure you'll get replies then.

MrsGWay Sat 28-Sep-13 13:12:47

Hello, sorry you are having to go through this.
If you ring the Coroner's office I am sure that somebody will be happy to talk with you about what to expect and can tell you if there will be photographs. In any case I do think it will be a harrowing experience but at the same time may help in the long run. I went to my brother's and you do find out things you probably didn't want to know, but it does help to understand a bit more.
Trying to find answers and why it happened is one of the worst things about suicide.

mrsbob Sat 28-Sep-13 15:52:56

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I attended my BIL inquest. There were no photographs and the way he killed himself was talked about in a very matter of fact way with very few details. The coroner was very professional and read the statements given by my husband (as next of kin) and the policeman in charge of the investigation had to speak. The whole thing only lasted about 30 minutes and although very difficult, it was not as bad as I anticipated. I was surprised to see a reporter from the local paper there. Fortunately we were the first case of the day so the court room was empty apart from us, the policeman, the reporter and the court professionals. The policeman in charge of the investigation talked us through what would happen before we went in. I hope that makes sense. I feel like I've rambled a bit. Take care of yourself. x

Blondeshavemorefun Mon 07-Oct-13 23:32:47

I was summoned to dh inquest

Tbh it wasn't as bad as I thought / expected but it was hard

No photos - just facts from policeman who were there on the day

Sadly there were scumbag reporters there who write down everything

Policeman also got dh name wrong on one of the reports and I rem saying that's not his name and can't you get facts right - or something like that

Took about 20mins and verdict was death due to an unbalanced mind - which I thought was true sad

Hope the day goes as well as can

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