HELP - PLEASE JUST HELP AS TODAY I AM LITERALLY GOING UNDER::::(

(19 Posts)
StoicButStressed Fri 01-Mar-13 13:28:13

Mumma's funeral on Tuesday; running around like blue arsed fly and phone permanently glued to ear. Youngest DS still needing long/late night comforting, and middle DS varying from being beyond awesome to just raging at me ('me' being his only lightening rod). Literally cannot take anymore - want to get under duvet and never get out, let alone face conversation re order of service which now late for printers. Stress is just unbelievable and I lost my MUM just 11 days ago. Cannot take much more, cannot do this, feel utter failure, am lost and bereft, and just want to curl up and die.

FattyMcChubster Fri 01-Mar-13 13:30:07

Stoic I'm so sorry for your loss. Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and no wonder you want to hide. Have you got anyone who can help?
I really hope it goes well on Tuesday for you thanks and some wine for later xx

I'm so sorry. Take some time out - can you get a hour for a walk or anything without your phone? Then get some help from other family members for planning if possible. Stop worrying about cooking etc - get some ready meals in. Carve some time out of each day to give your grief some space to just be.

Mrsfred Fri 01-Mar-13 13:33:09

Stoic, I am rubbish with words, but I am here and I am thinking of you. Small steps, one thing at a time.

willyoulistentome Fri 01-Mar-13 13:33:35

God - poor you! How old are your kids?

Abra1d Fri 01-Mar-13 13:35:47

I am so sorry. It must be awful for you. Can any friends or family help? Take the children out for a few hours?

StoicButStressed Fri 01-Mar-13 13:47:08

All that has just happened is here in link below (& thank GOD for MN), as I think are DS's ages, and fact that I am (for reasons too hard to explain here) pretty isolated at the moment. My DS is back (is ex-pat) and helping, but 'lost' my Dad when I was 16 and no extended family in UK. School friends have helped where can with school run etc, but this stuff now only my and DS can do - but I genuinely am at point of collapsesad.

TYthanks for messages and MrsFred, you may not think you are good with words but your post felt like a cuddle xxx

StoicButStressed Fri 01-Mar-13 13:47:57

And - to just confirm loss of brain and tiredness - I forgot to attach the link...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/bereavement/1673905-Please-help-me-TODAY-Mum-DSs-nanny-is-probably-going-to-die-this-weekend

willyoulistentome Fri 01-Mar-13 13:53:46

Oh dear - I feel so much for you. What a dreadfully hard time y uhave been through - absolutely dreadful. It sounds like you are close to your kids and they were close to your Mum. Is the eldest one at home? Can they help you with practical house stuff while you are organising the funeral. Just tons of sympathy and hugs from me. I went through similar with my Dad, but before kids.

Oh stoic I hoped this wouldn't be you. I've been thinking of you, knowing you would be rushed off your feet.

I don't know what to say, just that I remember the absolute exhaustion both physically and emotionally. You will get through it somehow, baby steps. Will you be able to stop after Tuesday and gather yourself together as a family?

Just remember, you have already done the most important bit of being with your Mumma when she needed you most. The funeral is actually just the formal bit for everyone else, if there is no order of service it's not the end of the world! Do you have a good relationship with the funeral director? Do they know how you are struggling? They may be able to support you a bit.

If you need ideas for the funeral/phone numbers finding etc Mners will gladly help. Can we do anything at all? PM me if you think there's anything I can do.

Meanwhile big unMnetty hugs for you and flowers and wine to keep you going xxx

Nonsensical Fri 01-Mar-13 13:58:49

So so sorry things are so tough. Maybe just half an hour under the duvet would help ... Try not to get overwhelmed by tasks, take each one at a time and switch phone off for a while to give yourself a break. hopefully after the funeral you can start to recover together with your boys
Good luck x

StoicButStressed Sat 02-Mar-13 11:10:22

Dear lovely all of you thanks

I now feel a total tit for utter crack-up yesterday and beyond embarrassing level of emotional incontinence slight mortification at postingblush. Had though really just hit the wall, and once again, you lovely people - all strangers who have no need to care, or take your time to write - did help (as did winewinewine...so took that advice VERY seriously!)

THIS (link below so can see what am referencing) is what totally tipped me over yesterday (straw/camel's back etc).... Am attaching one to front of each order of service so that people can take them back, plant them, and remember my Mum, as was/is one of the things that is so very, very 'Mumma'; that she would have LOVED; and which meant huge amount to me in terms of service being very 'her'. But then transpired they were suddenly/mysteriously out of bloody stock so couldn't send them (at least they have now corrected site to state out of stock post my emotional nuclear rant mentioning how deeply unhelpful and at WORST poss time this was??)angry

Happy to say have now sourced from somewhere else, but yes, seeded forget-me-nots - or rather lack ofsmile - was what tipped me over yesterday.

www.funeralseedpackets.co.uk/view.asp?ID=887

Thank you again for all kindnesses xxxx

domesticslattern Sat 02-Mar-13 11:18:02

You didn't look like a total tit at all Stoic. At times like this it is totally normal for the details to get totally overwhelming- after all you want everything to be perfect for your mum, it's not just seeds, it's what they symbolise. Totally understandable.
Bereavement is very up and down, I know that myself. First you're coping, then sadness and anger comes out of nowhere. Will be thinking of you on Tuesday. No wine before lunch (!) but have some thanks instead.

t875 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:15:42

stoic just to let you know thinking of you all there today, its a massively hard day.

I was going to mention to you winstons wish for your ds, they are very good, i phoned them up for just some advise and they said a few things which I hadnt thought of so it was good, they sent me a pack with a book with some projects they can do in relation to their loss I believe the book was called
'muddy puddles' My youngest talks about my mum more and has done from the begining but the eldest is a little different, but Im not too concerned.

Sending you big hugs and thinking of you xx

Hi stoic

Thinking of you today. I hope you find some comfort. I remember it being a bizarre day for me but I do look back and think Mum would have approved which does help me a little.

We're here if you want to 'debrief'. I really hope you can then have a few days to yourself to relax and rest. xxx

t875 Tue 05-Mar-13 14:20:24

maybe same here, although a horrendously sad day my mum would have been happy to see how much we meant to her by what we did to in some ways we done a story of her life. But i know what you mean, that in a funny kind of way has helped me along too. Hope your going along ok hun, xx

Hi t875 still ups and downs, moments where I sob completely uncontrollably out of the blue. But we're trying to organise scattering Mum's ashes which is helping to have something to plan. Dd talks about Mum a lot which is lovely and definitely helps to make me feel her closer.

How are you doing? I'll pop over to the other thread and say hello. Have been wondering how you all are... xxx

StoicButStressed Wed 06-Mar-13 15:19:29

Dearest lovely MN angels,

Wanted to thank you ALL so so much for all your help, & so wanted to let you know that service yesterday was JUST beautiful. And for anyone who wants to hear it, THIS - https://soundcloud.com/stream - is DS1 on guitar and singing yesterday at his Nanny's funeral; if find time, listen as it is just so amazing and poignant.

So it was beyond beautiful - just as YOU lot have been. Will NEVER forget the help and kindnesses been offered on MN in various OP's (which will also post this onto) throughout my Mother's illness; the shock and sudden being told HAD to get DS's up to see her; her passing; and then her funeral.

And, awesomely, have also raised nearly half of the £1,000 target on Mumma's page - www.justgiving.com/Mumma - for the hospice that cared for her at home whilst ill but sadly she could NOT be in for those final weeks (hence the horror of the night before she died which is written on the page; and hence why DETERMINED to make a difference in her name and memory, & for those yet to tread this pathsad).

Truly, just thank you all so very much for everything - can't find the words to say it loudly enough, or better than a simple 'thank you', as 'thank you' just does not come close. xxxthanksthanksthanks

Hi Stoic I'm so glad Wednesday went the way you had hoped. Your ds was incredibly brave to sing and play, so touching.

How are you coping now? Utterly exhausted I imagine and blown sideways by everything. Have you managed to have some time to yourself, some rest and good food/wine? Don't underestimate how the next few months will affect you - remember you are allowed to feel how you feel and go with it. How are your dc?

Not a day goes by when I don't think of my Mum but it is getting easier to remember happy times as well as her last weeks. I can't believe it has been a year shock and we're back to Mother's day again.

flowers thinking of you and your family xxx

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