Twenty years since my dad died

(15 Posts)
zeno Wed 27-Feb-13 21:12:14

Coming up to one year since my dad died. He was my witness and my champion. I miss arguing with him!

OhWesternWind Wed 27-Feb-13 09:34:34

Thank you all so much for your messages and support.

I am feeling really low today. I'm at work but I can't really concentrate on doing anything, feel on the verge of tears most of the time. I am finding this very hard to cope with.

My mum won't speak about my dad which is hard as well.

wedwose Sun 24-Feb-13 21:20:02

Your Dad's influence lives on through you - your DCs will see how much you love him and miss him. You are who you are, and the mother you are to them, partly due to your Dad.

wedwose Sun 24-Feb-13 21:14:52

My Dad died suddenly 15 years ago, 63. My Mum went to break the news to my Grandad who was in his late 90s and very fond of my Dad. Grandad said it was such a shame, he was such a young man - which made us all smile but sad too. I never thought my Dad would die before my grandparents. My nephew who was about 6 or 7 at the time started asking his dad, my DB, how old he was, obviously a bit anxious and trying to work out possible timings etc, the poor lamb. My Mum went downhill very badly from then and now sadly has Alzheimer's. But on a positive note, I always think of my Dad when anything good happens and when i have to make a difficult call, I'll think of him and what he would say and do and somehow it helps.

SoMuchToBits Sun 24-Feb-13 20:59:49

Oh. My dad died just over 5 years ago, my mum died in December just gone (at the age of 92). I still miss them both a lot. My ds is 12 and knew my dad a bit, but my mum a lot more. It's hard sometimes, especially knowing my sisters and I are now the oldest generation in our family.

Cakethrow Sun 24-Feb-13 20:59:13

So sorry, western. sad

I can totally relate to the empty hole in your heart. My dad was fantastic and I lost him while he was 49 too. It'll be 15 years in October.

Our family kind of crumbled afterwards and mum has never been the same. None of us have, I guess.
I really miss him as we got on so well and I know we've really missed out not having him here as he would've been a brilliant and proud grandad.

Sending you hugs xxx

discrete Sun 24-Feb-13 20:57:29

It is 17 years since my dad died. Since then, I have gone into a project that he would totally have 'got' and he would have loved to see.

No one else in my family 'gets' it, although they are very supportive.

Barely a day passes that I do not think 'I wish I could show this to Dad'.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 20:53:11

So sad to see all of you in the same position. Thank you all for your kindness and understanding.

I tell my children about him, but they can't relate any of it to a real person. He's just a story and a photo to them (which I suppose comes to us all in the end) and it really hurts that as a family we've missed out on so much. I feel like I didn't appreciate him enough when he was alive and I'd love to have the chance to tell him again that I love him. I was with him when he died and before he died he said he loved me and I him, and I hold on to that.

It's so hard sometimes. The raw crazy grief goes but the empty hole in your heart doesn't. I just miss him.

scrablet Sun 24-Feb-13 18:49:14

My Mum died 18 years ago, when she was 56.
She never saw her DGDs, who she would have loved so,so much.
I still miss her so much, and I was 30 when she died, so not exactly young.

Goodtalkingtoo Sun 24-Feb-13 18:40:42

My dad died age 43 I was 16, 22 yrs ago and I feel the same, we all missed out on so much

coribells Sun 24-Feb-13 11:32:31

I talk about my mother to my kids, but I think the oldest one doesn't really want to hear too much. He knows she died young so I thin he might be a bit worried about me in that sense.

coribells Sun 24-Feb-13 11:30:36

My mum died more than 20 years ago now , when she was 47. Losing a parent when you are so young stays with you for life and shapes you forever.

Sticklebug Sun 24-Feb-13 11:19:06

My mum would have been 64 today, she died aged 58.

I agree that talking about her to DC's helps. My DS asked this morning if Granny would be having her birthday party in heaven today. I hope that she is...

VelvetSpoon Sun 24-Feb-13 11:17:06

Western, I'm so sorry sad

I don't think you ever get over the loss of a parent, in the sense that it never truly feels 'better', the raw hurt is less over time, but the grief never truly goes away.

Do you talk to your DC about your dad? I do with mine, I tell them lots of anecdotes about him, and my mum too. I have photos of them all round my house. My parents never met my DC, would have adored them. Keeping their memory alive is really important to me.

But more than anything I'd love to see my parents again. To hear their voices, hug them, tell them how much I love them. I tell them in my head all the time, even now.

It is incredibly hard, especially when someone else's loss brings all these feelings out for you.

Will be thinking of you.

OhWesternWind Sun 24-Feb-13 08:44:03

And I still miss him so much. He is on my mind such a lot at the moment. He was so young, only 49. It's the actual anniversary next weekend.

My children have missed out on so much from not having known him.

Just been the first anniversary of my bf's dad's death, and I think helping him through that has brought a lot of feelings to the surface about my own dad.

Love you dad. A wonderful funny, warm, loving and gentle man.

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