As we go through this painful journey together

(984 Posts)
lavandes Sun 10-Feb-13 21:24:05

As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.

lavandes Thu 21-Feb-13 07:37:46

Morning ladies x

Congratulations myfive and white wonderful news!!

Morning girls xx

myfive and white May I also add my congratulations? It is truly wonderful news!! xx

whiteandyelloworchid Thu 21-Feb-13 19:57:44

thanks xx

found this today, i bet we could write 100 more normal is.......

This Is Now What “Normal” Is…

Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize someone important is missing from all the important events in your family’s life.
Normal for me is trying to decide what to take to the cemetery for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, July 4th and Easter.
Normal is feeling like you know how to act and are more comfortable at a funeral than a wedding or birthday party.. yet feeling a stab of pain in your heart when you smell the flowers and see the casket.
Normal is feeling like you can’t sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don’t like to sit through anything.
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand ‘what ifs’ and ‘why didn’t I’s’ go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving that day continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because silence is deafening.
Normal is staring at every baby who looks like he is my baby’s age and then thinking of the age he would be now and not being able to imagine it. Then wondering why it is even important to imagine it, because it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in my life always being backed up with sadness lurking close behind because of the hole in my heart.
Normal is telling the story of your child’s death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone’s eyes at how awful it sounds, and yet realizing it has become a part of my “normal”.
Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your child’s memory and their birthday and survive these days, trying to find the balloon or flag that fits the occasion. Happy Birthday? Not really.
Normal is my heart warming and yet sinking at the sight of something special that reminds me of my baby. Thinking how he would have loved it, but how he’s not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to even mention my baby.
Normal is making sure that others remember her.
Normal is that after the funeral is over, everyone else goes on with their lives but we will continue to grieve our loss forever.
Normal is weeks, months and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse sometimes, not better.
Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. NOTHING. Even if your child is in the remotest part of the earth away from you – it doesn’t compare. Losing a parent is horrible, but having to bury your own child is unnatural.
Normal is trying not to cry all day, because I know my mental health depends on it.
Normal is realizing I do cry everyday.
Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone, but someone stricken with grief over the loss of your child.
Normal is feeling a common bond with friends on the computer in England, Australia, Canada, the Netherlands and all over the USA, but never having met any of them face to face.
Normal is a new friendship with another grieving mother, talking and crying together over our children and our new lives.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did laundry or if there is any food in the house.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have two children or one, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth explaining that my baby is in Heaven. Yet when you say you have one child to avoid that problem, you feel horrible as if you have betrayed your baby.
Normal is knowing I will never get over the loss, in a day or a million years.And last of all, Normal is hiding all the things that have become “normal” for you to feel, so that everyone else around you will think you are “normal”.

My5boysandme Thu 21-Feb-13 20:11:35

white so very true sad

Normal is putting on a smile for other bloody people!!
Normal is smiling and then crying when adult men & women mention your child on Facebook....you know the adult men & woman who were all 7 years old the last time they saw your child. When they talk so lovingly about him and remember the friendship they shared smile
Normal is sending your congratulations on the same peoples fbook pages when they get engaged, married and when they have children of their own.
Normal is CRAP!!!

Morning girls xxx

Tanyaaah Fri 22-Feb-13 09:34:20

Hello,
My little brother died just after xmas, he was 25. We didn't even know he was ill, he was in hospital for 2 weeks. I haven't written this down before.
I am so so sad for my parents, I just want them to be ok.

So sorry to hear about your brother. The only way I know how to cope is to all stick together....try to get your parents to talk about your brother and you to them. They wont be OK again - none of you will....they have started on this awful long journey of grieving for their child. Talk openly with them, if they cry dont say 'Dont cry' let them howl and scream if they want to. Only the passage of time blurs the edges of early grief. xx

chipmonkey Fri 22-Feb-13 21:50:10

Tanya, so sorry to hear about your brother. Your parents won't get over this but in time they will learn to live alongside their grief. I think we get used to relying on our parents and it can be upsetting to see them floored.
Is your brother your only sibling?

Morning girls xx

White

Normal is reading someone elses normal and noddding at every point.
Normal is saying my child is dead.
Normal is wondering how the hell to carry on.
Normal is feeling guilty when you laugh or enjoy something.

whiteandyelloworchid Sat 23-Feb-13 13:27:11

tanya, how caring of you to show so much concern about your mum and dad, i'm so sorry for your loss.i could imagine my dd worrying like this, shes only five, and i think your spot on, all you want them to be is ok

all i can say is were here to talk to, and just be there for each other, share your grief and your pain together
if they need a good old cry that will help them, alot of people have an instint to try and get people to stop crying but being able to hold someone while they pour there heart out is imo the best thing to do

whiteandyelloworchid Sat 23-Feb-13 13:32:43

normal is feeling mad when people moan about trivial shit
normal is not wantiing to become friend with new people
normal is being paranoid when someone new tries to befriend you, are they just after all the gossip
normal is not being able to think of the rest of your life, because you can only think of getting through the day/moment
normal is even when you do nice things, you have a deep under current of deep sadness, and feeling that you will never feel truely happy ever again
normal is know you will miss your child for the rest of your life
normal is no longer fearing death and wondering what happens when you die
normal is looking for signs
normal is to have a heart that just feels so heavy
normal is to simply want to feel OK again
normal is to seek peace, when you used to take a feeling of peace and calm for granted, you didnt need to seek it, it was just there.
normal is feeling different from everyone else
normal is feeling isolated
normal is feeling crushed

Morning girls xx

Dad having an operation on his jaw today. It is what we feared it was and I cant type the word out because that makes it real IYKWIM? Mum is worried sick which is making her Alzhaimers so much worse. My brother (there is just the two of us kids) is slagging me off to anyone who will listen - he thinks that I dont do enough for my parents sad the problem being that the person he is rubbishing me to the most has told me. Ahhhhh families - who would have 'em!! Dad was made to get in the hospital bed and when Mum and my darling brother were coming out he said 'Im not staying in this bed I want to go home with my missus!' Good luck to all the hospital staff because he can be a very difficult patient.

Yes I know my lovely Dad is nearly 81 but IF he dies the only two people who will be happy will be Gareth & Matthew. The support and love he has given to me and my children over the years is second to none, he adores all of them and regularly brags about them to anyone who will listen.

So......my smile is pinned on and I cant sleep - sat here thinking about a million things.

Get well soon Dad please.....Gareth & Matthew I hope you have to wait quite a few more years till your 'Grangrad' gets to see you again xxxxxxxx

lavandes Sun 24-Feb-13 13:19:40

Oh shabs I am so sorry. Your Dad is very precious. I will be thinking of you all today. xx

My nephew rang me a while ago. He has pretended to be my brother (his Dad) to get more information out of the hospital!!! He is a great lad and always sorting stuff out for everybody! They said the first biopsy they did was inconclusive so they are doing investigations today with Dad under general anesthetic.....and they will take it from there. They will have had to give him enough anesthetic to floor an elephant because he is adamant that he is coming home today!!! Waiting for news now. Oh my word this is a shite life. xxx

shabs really thinking of you today, sending your dad good health thoughts, and sending you hugs. xx

Thank you for your good wishes - its so appreciated.

Well the daft owd bugger is home...he just rang me off my brothers mobile (which incidentally he has not pressed the end call button) and said 'Whats the score at Man City v Chelsea, thanks for putting my lottery on I won a tenner, yes they have had a good dig about in my jaw and finished with see you tomorrow love' LOL.

Now we wait for the results.

My5boysandme Sun 24-Feb-13 16:34:30

Thinking of you and your dad shabbeth xx

lavandes Sun 24-Feb-13 21:43:39

Hishabs -please feel love and hugs from me and please hug your Mum and Dad from me (A Northern lass) xx

SaintVera Sun 24-Feb-13 21:48:18

Congratulations white and 5boys. I am so pleased for you

white, and others, so true what you say in your 'Normal is...' post. Can't add anything to that.

Tanya, so sorry from me too about your brother. I echo the 'stay together' sentiment. There are no words to make it better but caring for each other in small ways is sometimes the best one can do. Look after yourself as well as them

shabba I hope your dad is ok. Glad he's at home again

I've been very depressed and gone on antidepressants. They make me tired and unmotivated but I still feel depressed! Early days.

Thank you everybody for your very kind thoughts. I am going down to my parents tomorrow so will pass on your love xxx Every single part of me is aching tonight....this weekend has been going on for at least a month I'm sure of it.

Feel old, sad, knackered, very jittery and lonely. Tomorrow is another day and I will get up and pin on my smile and as my boy Matt used to say 'Gwab the day by de balls and shake it!!' smile

chipmonkey Mon 25-Feb-13 11:12:14

shabba, thinking of you and your lovely Dad xx

Vera, I have never taken AD's but I believe they take a couple of weeks to start working. Hope they kick in for you soon.

Morning girls xx

Morning girls xx Very quiet on here - everybody OK? xx

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