As we go through this painful journey together we share, cry, scream and shout but we never judge, we know that there is always someone to listen. We always remember our precious children who will never be forgotten and will live on forever in our hearts.
We had Sean's birthday on Tuesday. I am in reasonably good form at the moment, ~thanks to citalopram and alcohol~ God knows how. It was bearable, but...empty. I am dealing with life by not dealing with it and festering away at home a lot. I don't judge myself for it. I am not fighting the deadly silence any more, just living with it. I will get out there soon.
I also came off Facebook yesterday as it is doing my nut in and I am too old for feeling paranoia about people who have decided not to contact me on Sean's birthday despite knowing full well it was his birthday, just because of past grievances that I thought were water under the bridge once Sean had died. I can feel the ties to some people from my 'previous life' being cut and it feels ok now and more clear cut. Let them go. I want my energy to go into remembering my boy.
Sorry to hear that Mias...I have four rose bushes - all in separate tubs.....looks like only one has made it through Winter as well.....just hoping its my favourite 'Blue Moon' because I cant remember which is which!!!! Its been a long and harsh Winter here.
to ds, love you and miss you so so much, want you to say stay close to me, make sure i'm ok but i would feel guilty, as i want you to be free to run and play, not keep an eye on me my heart breaks for you every single day, just wish things where so different and you were still here and you were healthy and well can't understand why your gone and i'm still here it is not right i love so much, and i miss you so much
Just watched 'hoarders next door' on telly (think thats what its called)
The man had lost his brother when he was 22 and the lady had lost a child. The psychiatrist said 'the bereavment of a child or a young sibling was the most traumatic event and many hoarders had suffered this trauma. That one sentance made me so sad I had to turn the tv off. Just stood in the kitchen with the radio on.......I wanted a large bottle of gin, large bottle of tonic and 20 cigarettes!!!! I have none of them so am sat back in the living room quietly sulking!!
Certainly would be better for us if more people 'got it' Lavandes.
Im a bloody mess today...shaky, teary and feel 'mentally poorly.' Dad was in hospital again at the weekend (is home now)....think he had a water infection that was making him confused. He is fading away in front of my eyes, Mum is 'away with the fairies' and my brother has left his wife of 30 years everybody is telling me their problems and expecting my support and I truly want to help BUT I feel like I am choking in all this sadness.
OK....Dad is going for his weekly day to the hospice - to tell them its boring and he isint going again <<sigh>> so I have my lovely Mam for the day - she wants to go into Bolton shopping!!! Dear God, bless us and piggin' save us - its going to be a long, long day!!